Sacred to the Memory
by Lissa Bryan
Summary: Sequel to "COMPULSION". After Edward loses Bella, he cannot live with the pain. He asks Alice to devise a way to erase his memories of her. But what if building new memories could save him? Rated M, AU/OOC
1. Chapter One

A/N: I do not own Twilight. No infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Previously:<p>

_"Edward, don't," Bella said, her eyes full of compassion. "Please, don't. I know what you're going to say ..."_

_"I have to. Just ... let me, please." Edward took a deep breath, inhaling her scent, different now that she was a vampire, but still the lovely aroma of Bella. "I love you. I've never loved anyone before. Never thought I was even capable of it, but somehow, you opened my heart." He paused for a moment to cup her face. "my heart is not the only change you wrought in me, Bella. For the first time in an absurdly long existence, someone else matters more to me than me. Your happiness is more important than my own. I'm asking for you to come away with me now, to give me a chance to prove how much I've changed, how much I've grown just in the short time since I met you. I swear that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy."_

_Bella said simply, "Edward, I'm sorry. I love Emmett."_

_Tears spilled out of his eyes down his cheeks, contrasting with the smile he tried to force onto his face. "I know. I just had to try." He met her eyes and leaned in to press a lingering kiss to her forehead. "I meant it when I said your happiness is more important to me than my own. I've watched you these past few days and I can see that Emmett makes you happy, and I love you enough to let you go. But if you ever need me, know that I'll be there for you."_

_..._

"_I need your help," Edward repeated. He hunched over, rubbing his face, his elbows propped on his knees. He didn't look at her as he spoke. "I can't live like this any more. It eats at me day and night until I think I'll go mad. Nothing helps ... alcohol, drugs, sex. I can't escape it no matter how hard I try."_

"_Escape what?" Alice asked. _

_He pulled another paper from his pocket and handed it to her. It was a folded, crumpled wedding invitation still in its envelope. Alice had gotten one in the mail just like it, inviting her to the nuptials of Isabella Swan and Emmett McCarty. The invitation Edward handed her had someone else's name on the envelope, so he'd apparently swiped it._

"_I love her," Edward said hoarsely. "I've heard all the bullshit about how time heals a broken heart and the pain would fade. Well, it hasn't. If anything, it's worse. Please, I'm in hell."_

"_I'm sorry," Alice told him, "but I don't know how I can help you."_

"_I want you to erase my memories," Edward said. "Not all of them, obviously, but the last four years should_ _do it ..._ _One last thing. You do have to make me a promise ...You have to promise that if it doesn't work, you'll kill me."_

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

..

_"Canst thou not minister to a mind diseas'd,_

_Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow,_

_Raze out the written troubles of the brain,_

_And with some sweet oblivious antidote_

_Cleanse the stuff'd bosom of that perilous stuff_

_Which weighs upon the heart?" _

Macbeth Act 5, scene 3

..

Edward watched Bella crawl up slowly from the foot of the bed, slinking toward him like a jungle cat, her chocolate eyes piercing as they stared into his. She straddled his hips and stripped off the brief negligee she wore, pulling it over her head and throwing it to the floor. Her dark hair floated back down around her face.

"Ah, fuck, Bella," he groaned, taking in the perfect alabaster expanse of her lush body. Her breasts, the most perfect pair he'd laid eyes on in far-too-long an existence, were full with petal-pink nipples that stiffened under his gaze.

"I love you, Edward," Bella said, arching toward him as he reached up to roll one of those gorgeous nipples between his fingers.

He reached under her body to position himself as she-

The door opened and Bella vanished.

"Jesus!" Edward snapped, yanking the covers up over himself. He glared at the intruder balefully. "Don't you _knock_?"

Alice seemed unperturbed by his anger. She hopped on the foot of the bed and sat there, Indian-style, wearing a purple tunic over black leggings, her feet clad in the most god-awful purple sequin-covered sneakers he had ever seen. On her lap, she held a small pink purse with a huge purple flower attached.

"Good evening, Edward! Come on, get up! Get up!" She bounced, shaking the bed.

Edward groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. The little imp had ruined a perfectly good fantasy, as well as the first erection he'd had in weeks. Alice was chattering on in an excited voice- scratch that, her _normal_ voice, because she always seemed excited. Edward stood, wrapping the bed sheet around his waist.

"- least invasive method," Alice finished.

"What?" Edward asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Haven't you been _listening_? I said, I think I have found someone who can synthesize the drug compound we need for the first experiment."

"Great, that's great," Edward said, trying to muster some enthusiasm but failing dismally.

Alice rolled her eyes again. She hopped off the bed, looking around the room. "Are you packed?"

"Yeah."

"I'll wait for you to go shower," Alice said, pointedly, "But hurry, I want to get home."

Edward took his suit bag in with him into the bathroom. How long had it been since his last shower? He couldn't remember. It's not like he stank or anything because vampire skin didn't carry those kinds of odors but he did look a bit grimy. He turned on the water and stepped under the spray, washing quickly and leaning his head back under the spray to soak his hair. It was way too long. He needed to get it cut and-

Bella's hands slid around from his back to his chest. He let out a soft moan. He turned to look at her, her hair wet and slicked back, trailing in a dark river over her shoulder, hiding one nipple from his gaze. Well, that wouldn't do. He uncovered it and bent to lick the droplets of water from it. Her hand slid from his chest down, over his stomach, down-

Someone pounded at the door. An _evil_ little someone. "What?" he snapped. Cockblocked _again_ by that little demon!

"Come on, Edward." Alice came unbidden into the bathroom and started scooping up his dirty clothes. "Hurry up. You've been in here almost twenty minutes."

"Hey! A little privacy, please?" Edward threw a hand over his naughty bits to shield them from her gaze. Not that he was modest or anything, but he didn't want her to see the state his Bella fantasy had left him in.

"Jeeze, just think of me as your doctor," Alice said. "Come on, finish up. Rose is waiting for us."

"Tell Rose to go fuck herself," Edward muttered.

"I heard that! Are you _always_ this grumpy when you wake up?"

"Generally, worse." Edward shampooed his hair, wincing when his fingers caught in the tangles and matted snarls. Conditioner. He was going to need a _fuckload_ of conditioner. He slathered it on his head and let it soak for a minute before combing it through his hair with his fingers then rinsing it away.

Alice had departed, leaving some folded clothes on the counter top, a toothbrush and a comb. Where the hell had the toothbrush come from? Vampires didn't have to brush their teeth or worry about halitosis. Their breath was always sweet, alluring to their prey. The toothbrush wasn't his, and it was still in its packaging. Did she always carry emergency toothbrushes in that little purse of hers?

He purposely ignored the clothes, selecting his own from the suit bag. He didn't need the little monster laying his clothes out for him like she was his Mom. Maybe that was her problem, she'd never had a kid to devote her energies to. Back in the Victorian era, doctors had theorized that women _needed_ to have children in order to avoid hysteria and disorders of the female parts. He smirked in the mirror as he combed out the last of the tangles. He ought to tell her that. He was sure Alice would just _love_ it.

He dressed in his dark blue Brioni suit, the only one that was clean aside from the one she'd laid out for him. He stuffed her choice back into the case. He needed to buy some more clothes. His closets at the apartment he'd shared with Emmett had been overflowing but he'd abandoned them when he'd walked out of there with only his box and the clothes on his back. He wondered what had happened to them. He supposed the landlord had cleared out the apartment, selling the contents or perhaps donating them to charity. There could be a bum somewhere walking around in one of his tailor-made Jay Kos suits. Or perhaps Emmett had cleared out their things and put his in storage. It was the type of thing Emmett would do, being kind to someone who didn't deserve it.

_Emmett._ Just thinking his name sent a sharp bolt of pain through him. His best friend for nearly 500 years, his _only_ friend. He missed Emmett so much sometimes. He shoved those thoughts away because thinking of Emmett would lead to thinking of Bella, something he tried to avoid unless it was one of his lurid fantasies. Soon, if all went well, he'd never have to think about her again.

He emerged from the bathroom with the bag slung over his shoulder. "Got everything?" Alice asked.

"Almost." The room had a small safe in the closet wall. He punched in the combination and opened it, retrieving a plain wooden box which he tucked under his arm.

"What's that?" Alice asked.

"Nothing," Edward said, shutting the safe. "I'm ready."

"Seriously, what's in the box?" Alice's curiosity was piqued.

"None of your business," Edward retorted. "It's private. Trust that I am not shitting you when I say that if you touch it, I will make you very, very sorry."

Alice shuffled her feet. "Sorry. I won't pry and I won't touch it, I promise."

Edward gave a tight smile. "Good. Let's go."

Edward held the door for her. They walked out of the room, Edward shutting the door behind them and went down the dark hallway. Edward had been in many vampire clubs and they all seemed to have two color schemes, Red Whorehouse or Goth Black. This one had gone with the latter, the walls covered in a dark blue and black Victorian wallpaper.

The hallway led to a large lobby with a blood bar in the back. Low, pulsing music played while vampires and their evening meals writhed on the furniture. Other humans, bite junkies or fang bangers watched the action with lust-filled eyes, waiting for vampires to choose them, some addicted to the pleasure of a vampire's bite, others hoping to sell their blood for money to buy their next fix. Some were simply drawn by the eroticism of their kind like a moth to a flame.

Edward noted Alice's avid curiosity. "Want to stay for a bit?" he invited.

If Alice could have blushed, she would have, quickly looking at the floor. "Uh, , um, we need to be getting home."

"As you wish." Edward opened the door and they exited into a regular human bar, a rather dismal one, a place where the torn vinyl seats were repaired indifferently with strips of duct tape and the mirror behind the bar was opaque with grime. It was sparsely patronized by a few doleful customers who had no idea what went on in the back. Edward and Alice slipped through unnoticed, turned a corner and went down a flight of stairs to the underground garage. Edward's Bugatti occupied a space near the front. "Did you bring a car?" Edward asked.

"No, I took the bus," Alice replied. Edward stopped himself from snorting. He had never ridden a bus, himself. Too much of a snob for public transportation.

"Ride with me, then," he said, opening the passenger door. After she was seated, he went to the front of the car and popped the hood where the trunk was located, stashing his suit bag and box in the small compartment.

"How fast will this thing go?" Alice asked as Edward started the engine.

"Two-sixty," Edward replied, pulling out of the garage onto the London streets. "Believe it or not, it handles better at higher speeds."

He punched a button and classical music poured from the speakers. "Ah, _Canon in D Minor_," Alice said. "I love Pachelbel."

"Hm. I wouldn't have figured you for a classical music fan."

"I like all types of music," Alice said. " In every genre, there are pieces of musical merit."

"Oh, yeah?" he challenged. _"Country."_

"Johnny Cash," she retorted.

He arched a brow. "Touche."

They drove in silence for a minute or two before Edward asked her another question. "What brought you to London, anyway?"

"The Queen," Alice sighed. "She insisted that Rose and I stay nearby so the patrols could keep an eye on us if we wouldn't stay in her castle. There have been some incidents over the past year where some of the Queens allies have been targeted. But it's not exactly a sacrifice to live here. I love London with all of its museums and art galleries."

Edward, who remembered the city when it was nothing but a fishing village on the banks of the Thames, wasn't much interested in museums. If anything, they tended to irritate him with the erroneous assumptions and incorrect interpretations of historians.

Edward found his way back to her house without directions. Alice lived in a small, two-story Tudor Revival cottage with mullioned, diamond-paned windows. Ivy covered part of it, the windows peeking coyly from under it.

"Sorry, I don't have a garage. I don't have a car, So I never needed one." She hated the thought of leaving this lovely car out in the rain and bird shit.

Edward shrugged. "It's just a car," he said.

Rose was waiting for them in the living room. She looked Alice over as if checking her for damage he might have inflicted. "I got her home in one piece," Edward smirked. Rose, as usual, said nothing. Rose was obviously not thrilled that Edward would be staying with them while Alice tried to find a way to erase his memories.

Alice showed him upstairs to a small room tucked under the eaves. Like every room in her house, its walls were hidden behind rows of bookshelves, sagging under their weight A twin-sized bed sat under the window, which was covered with thick, heavy drapery. The floor was bare wood with a light blue braided rug atop it.

"This is the only guest room I have," Alice said, apologetically.

"It's fine," Edward replied. "Trust me, I've stayed in far worse." He gestured to the shelves. "At least I'll have plenty to read."

Alice smiled and a pair of dimples appeared in her cheeks. "Rose and I are going to watch _Dr. Who_ downstairs in the living room. Join us, if you'd like."

"I think I'll stay up here and rest this evening," Edward said. "But thank you for inviting me."

"If you get hungry, there's always bottled blood in the fridge. You, um, you know how to work a microwave, right?"

Edward nodded. He was not offended. Many Ancients rejected or were confused by modern technology.

"I don't usually, um, drink from live donors, so there's always blood in the fridge." Alice looked a little uncomfortable, as if dreading that Edward would ask her why she didn't use live donors when she fed. He decided to be kind, in spite of the two cockblocks, and refrained from questioning her along those lines.

"After came up with the formula for preserving bottled blood, really, why did you just give it away? I've heard rumors, but I'd like to hear it from you."

Alice sat on the bed and plucked at the blanket. "I didn't do it to get rich. I did it for all of us. That's what the queen changed me for, it's what she hired me to do. To figure out things that would help our people. The formula didn't belong to me."

"'Can you patent the sun?'" Edward quoted.

"Exactly. Jonas Salk worked to create a polio vaccine to help people, not to become wealthy off of it."

"How did you come up with the idea?" Edward asked. He was curious about how her mind worked.

"I was reading a book about Egyptian burial rituals. I found an apocryphal story that archaeologists had found a pot of honey in a tomb that was still edible after thousands of years. Honey doesn't spoil and if it clumps, all you have to do is warm it up. It didn't take me long after that to figure out the formula. Honestly, I'm surprised no one ever thought of it before."

"You have a very interesting mind," Edward stated.

Alice smiled, showing those dimples again. "Thank you."

He surveyed her with an appraising eye. She was inches under the five foot mark and she probably wouldn't have weighed ninety pounds soaking wet. He felt large and awkward next to this tiny sprite. "If I may ask, how old were you when you were changed?"

"Twenty-three," she said, plucking again at the blanket. "I know I don't look like it. I was really sick when I was kid, so I suppose that might be why I'm so short. Both of my parents were on the tall side, so go figure." She said it in a matter-of-fact tone, but he knew it bothered her a little.

After she left, Edward unpacked his case and then lay down on the bed to daydream about Bella. For some unfathomable reason, the vision of her wouldn't come. Frustrated, he got up and decided to explore the rest of the house.

Down the short hall from the room he'd be occupying was a small bathroom that held a clawfoot tub and a shower attachment on a hose. He briefly wondered if she'd allow him to remodel it for her and put in a proper shower. The toilet, unused in a house of vampires, had an arrangement of dried flowers in the bowl.

He opened the next door. Alice's room by the scent of it, and by the _look_ of it as well. He couldn't imagine Rose would live in a frilly, pink bedroom that looked like it had been drawn straight from a Disney princess movie. Alice's bed had a white canopy with pink embroidered flowers and a matching coverlet. All of the furniture had been painted white with pink trim. The rug was also pink, shaped like a heart.

Good God, he needed to give this woman Dr. Carlisle's phone number.

On the bedside table, there was a picture of a younger Alice with a man and woman who appeared to be in their late forties. Likely, her parents. Alice must have been a mid-life surprise or she'd been adopted. Both of them were kind-looking with genuine smiles and Alice had the bright, healthy look of a happy child.

He put the photograph back in its place and moved on to the next room. Catching Rose's scent at the door, he thought the better of it and moved on. That woman scared him a little and he doubted she would take kindly to his snooping.

He went down the stairs quietly, avoiding the living room to the left. He could hear the television and see the bluish light it cast. To the right was the dining room, used as Alice's office, by the look of it. A computer was perched on the table and it was surrounded by papers, handwritten notes and books in no apparent order. Beyond it lay the kitchen. It had the normal appliances for show, and there was a minimal selection of food, all canned or bottled, nothing perishable. The china plates and bowls in the next cupboard that had never been used. Vessel virgins, to make a pun.

He opened the refrigerator which was full of dark bottles. He scanned them quickly. Apparently, Alice did not buy blood laced with alcohol or drugs. It was all ordinary AB, not even a sugary diabetic blood among them.

AB ... that was Bella's favorite.

He closed the refrigerator door and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Rose standing there, watching him silently.

She said nothing and Edward could think of nothing to say, either. They stared at each other for a moment.

"Er ... Well, goodnight," Edward said and exited the room with as little haste as he could manage. He took the stairs by twos and retreated to the safety of his room. Damn woman was creepy as hell. Alice seemed to adore her, though.

He lay on the bed and checked his watch. 10 PM. Fuck. The night wasn't even half over yet. He examined the book shelves, searching for something to read. Apparently, Alice wasn't a fan of fiction. History, sociology, biography, science ... she had a wide range of interests. He plucked out one volume and stared at it in disbelief. What kind of woman read a book on the history of _salt_?

He chuckled and put it back, selecting one of Carl Sagan's books to take back with him to the bed. He propped himself up against the pillow and began to read, hoping to escape or at least pass the time more quickly.

* * *

><p>"He's really not that bad," Alice said to Rose during a commercial. "He's been very polite to me so far."<p>

Rose gave her a skeptical look.

"If he turns into a pain in the ass, we'll put him up at the nearest hotel, okay?"

Rose turned her attention back to the TV. The show had started again. Alice had a sneaking suspicion that Rose had a crush on The Doctor. Alice's attention wasn't on the television. She was reciting in her head the things she needed to do tomorrow to prepare for the first round of testing. Edward's image kept popping into her head, interrupting her train of thought. His eyes were so sad.

Had Bella been his true mate? If she was, getting over it would be almost impossible. Vampires felt everything more intensely than they had as mortals. Love, hate, pain, pleasure, all of them were magnified and intensified. The grief of losing a mate was horrifying. Many killed themselves. Others went into long, hibernating sleep, hoping that when they awakened decades later, time would have dulled the pain to a bearable level. Others went mad and had to be executed by the Volturi.

The Queen was a true rarity. She'd lost her mate, James, three years ago in the Battle of New York but persevered. She had to, else her people would suffer. Alice could not imagine what it must have cost her to rise every evening and rule her realm, with agony her constant companion.

But maybe there was a solution, something that could help Edward and the Queen and others who went through this pain. Alice had only been researching since last night when Edward made his proposal but she'd already found some promising options.

She _had_ to find a solution. Edward's life was on the line. She'd made the promise she'd kill him if they failed, but Alice really didn't think she could go through with it.

She'd have to find the answer because failure was simply not an option.


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: I am not a medical professional, so please allow for artistic license in those areas.

* * *

><p>Chapter Two<p>

"What are you doing?" Alice cried in dismay, stopping in the doorway of Edward's open bathroom door.

He stood there, wearing nothing but a towel, hacking at his hair with a pair of scissors. "It's too long," he explained.

"Not like that," Alice said. "Here, sit down. I'll do it." She dragged a chair into the bathroom, seating him in front of the steamy mirror and went to fetch her own hair-cutting scissors. Alice cut her own hair, keeping it short for convenience, so she knew what she was doing. (She was sure that people thought she was going for the punk look with the way it stuck out in every direction, but that was just how her hair behaved. )

She draped a towel around Edward's shoulders and lifted a section of his hair between her fingers. "About this long?"

"Shorter," he said.

She pulled up another hank of hair and he agreed to the length. She began snipping. "Thank goodness I caught you. You would have made a mess of it."

"It can't be that hard," he muttered. "Just make each piece about an inch long."

"Shows what you know," Alice retorted. "It's not the same all over the head or it won't lay right. You'd look like you have a bowl cut like Jim Carey in _Dumb and Dumber_."

His hair was so soft. Alice let it slip through her fingers a few more times than strictly necessary. She loved its color, a dark, rich red-brown with a hint of red-gold in the highlights and darker brown, almost black, undertones.

She pushed his head forward to trim the back evenly. "You know, only about ten percent of people have ears shaped like yours."

"Is that so?" he replied.

She ran her finger along the outer edge of his ear, following the outer rim up to the upper curve. He gave a little shiver.

"See this little point here?" She touched it lightly.

"Mm," he said, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

She caressed the little bump. "It's called a Darwin's tubercle. It's one of those little genetic quirks, probably a throwback to our primate ancestors."

He gave her a small smile. "Are you saying I have monkey ears?"

"Yep," she said. "Would you like a banana?" She noticed she was still caressing his ear and stopped herself, briskly returning to his haircut.

He closed his eyes. "Your hands feel nice on my scalp, soft and cool."

"All done," she said and whisked the towel away from his shoulders, choosing to ignore his last comment.

He examined his hair in the mirror. "Very nice. Thank you."

"No problem." She edged back toward the door, trying to keep her eyes off his perfectly toned chest. Lightly muscled, not overblown vanity muscles, like a body-builder, but someone who had built muscles through physical labor during his lifetime. His six pack was defined, as well as his smooth abdomen and the grooves curving down around his hips, sloping down to-

She jerked her eyes away. "I'll see you downstairs later. I have some calls to make and then we can talk about what options we have."

"Sure." He turned back to the mirror and started combing his newly-trimmed hair.

Alice escaped, feeling unaccountably flustered.

Once safely downstairs, Alice dialed Dr. Carlisle's number. He was the only vampire psychiatrist and if anyone would know about how a vampire brain might differ from a human one, it would be him.

"Hello, Alice," he said, warmth coating his words. The man had a very sexy voice. She'd never met him in person but he _sounded_ gorgeous. "I haven't heard from you in a while. How have you been doing?"

"Busy as always," she said. "I had some more questions for you."

"Are you still working on finding out why some fledglings have different personalities after their change?"

Alice hedged. "To a certain extent. I've branched out some because every time I learn something new, it leads to more questions."

He chuckled. "I've encountered the same issues in my line of work."

Alice dove in. "What do you know about vampire brains and how they function?"

He hesitated. "Perhaps you should narrow that down a bit for me."

"All right, what I'm getting at is whether vampire brains are chemically the same as human brains, with neuroreceptors, serotonin ... all the chemicals which are present when connections are formed. In other words, if a depressed vampire drinks the blood of a human taking Prozac, will it work for them?"

"Yes and no," Dr. Carlisle said. "I can't give you a definitive answer because we don't do any sort of clinical studies. On the whole, I would say that depression in a vampire is not due to a malfunction in serotonin re-uptake. Our bodies would see such a thing as an 'injury' and heal it. Depression in vampires is purely emotional and situational. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't any chemical processes involved. When you get right down to it _all_ emotions are simply chemical processes in the brain. A new mother looks at her baby and her brain floods with serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin, all kinds of the brain's 'joy juice'. She would call what she's feeling 'love' but biomechanically speaking, it's just chemicals flooding her pleasure receptors."

"So, theoretically, if a human takes a drug designed to inhibit a certain brain chemical and a vampire drinks from them, would the vampire experience the same effects?"

Dr. Carlisle shrugged. She could hear it, the rustle of the fabric of his clothing. "I can't say, Alice. Again, without repeated clinical trials, we'll never know. Perhaps the vampire may _seem_ to be effected, but without tests, and controls to eliminate the placebo effect, we simply cannot know for certain. Add to this that drugs are not one-size fits-all. Everyone's brain chemistry is different. What works for someone might have adverse effects in the next person."

"I'm running an experiment along these lines right now," she said. "Though it's only one person, so you can't say I'm exactly following clinical protocols."

"It's a start," Dr. Carlisle replied. "Who volunteered to be your lab rat, by the way?"

"Edward Masen."

There was a long pause. "I'm not going to violate any privacy issues, but I will say that perhaps Edward isn't the ideal subject to use as your baseline."

Alice chuckled. "Yeah, I know, and I know that he's been a patient of yours, so don't worry. If I get any interesting results, I'll email them to you."

"I'd appreciate that. Tell Edward I said hello."

"I'll do that. And thanks for the information." Alice hung up the phone, feeling more trepidation now than she had before she'd called him. She was about to embark on an experiment using chemicals that had worked on rat brains, but she didn't know if they would work on human brains, nor even if human brains were the same as vampire brains. She knew that rodent brains and human brains shared about 90% of the same genetic building blocks, but that 10% could make a huge difference. After all, a far smaller percentage of DNA separated mankind from chimpanzees.

Edward came into her office wearing the Brioni suit from yesterday, his hair still wet and slicked back against his head. He looked like a young stockbroker. "Dr. Carlisle says hello," she told him, gesturing to one of the dining room chairs. He settled himself into it and placed his folded hands on the table. "Why did you call him?" he asked, his eyes narrowing a bit.

"I needed to know some things about how vampire brains function. Listen, I'm working totally blind here. Nothing like this has ever been done before, so I don't know what the results of our experiments will be."

"I know that," Edward said, waving a hand in dismissal. "What makes this different from experimenting on a human is that you can't do any permanent damage to me."

That was, indeed, a fact that gave her some small comfort. "It could be ... unpleasant," she warned.

"Yeah, I'm aware of that, Doc. But it can't be more _unpleasant_ than living with this constant pain." His voice lowered. "I know you can't understand if you've never felt it, but it feels like there's a massive, gaping hole in my chest. It never heals. And every day, something happens to tear at it a little more. On the street, I will see a woman who has her hair, or see chocolate in a confectionery's window and think of her eyes, or catch the scent of freesia as I pass a flower shop. I can't escape it and I can't live with it."

"I'll try my best," Alice promised. She leaned across the table and covered his hand with hers. "There are a few things I've found that we could try, and I wanted to discuss them with you to see what you think."

"All right."

Alice took a deep breath. "You showed me that article yesterday about a theoretical pill that could erase memories. Well, the study it was based on was framed around keeping the body from _creating_ painful memories. Your situation is erasing memories which already exist. So I looked a little more and found a study where rats were given a compound which appears to keep them from recalling memories they already have."

"Go on." Edward leaned forward, listening intently.

"There's a protein in the brain known as αCaMKII which, when inhibited in genetically-altered mice, prevents them from recalling a memory. That's as far as the research goes, but I propose we take it a step further and see if it works in your brain. We can't inject you with the inhibitor, obviously, but we can inject it into an animal and have you drink its blood."

He grimaced. "Animal blood?"

"I don't feel right about using a human," she said firmly. " I'm not willing to take the risk that it might do some permanent harm to a human's brain. Animal blood may not be very nutritious for us, but we _can_ drink it. And it doesn't appear that the inhibitor drug would cause the animal any pain."

"If this doesn't work, what's the next experiment?"

"Electroshock treatments."

He blinked.

"There have been reports of people losing chunks of their memory after getting a series of electroshock treatments. There was one woman who had twenty-one treatments and lost the last two years of her memory. One of the theories is that it causes lesions in the brain, sort of like burning blank spots on a hard drive. You would heal those lesions, covering them over with new, blank tissue."

He nodded. She wasn't sure if he was saying that he understood or he agreed to try it. She forged ahead.

"The last thing I've thought of is actually injuring the brain itself. We would use a PET scan to discover the specific areas of your brains where your memories of Bella are stored and then surgically damage those particular areas so you would write over them with new, blank tissue."

He nodded again. She grew a little frustrated. "The problem that we have is that in the modern era, people who get shock treatments are first anesthetized. I don't know if we could first administer the dose to a human-"

"Won't work," Edward interrupted. "We could take enough anesthesia to fell an elephant and all it would do is get us loopy or very mellow, depending on the drug. I've drank from humans unconscious after taking enough Ketamine to fell an elephant and all it did was give me a pleasant buzz."

"So there's no way to knock you out?"

"Not that I've found, and trust me, I've tried."

Alice grimaced. "I don't think it's a good idea to do it to you while you're awake."

He gave another of those tiny smiles. "None of this is a 'good idea' if you get right down to it."

Alice ground her teeth. "I hear myself saying things like 'shock treatments' and 'brain damage' and even _I_ think I sound like a lunatic. You don't seem concerned about any of this, but I'll tell you that I'm worried sick."

"Don't be, Doc," he replied. "I'm telling you that _nothing _could be worse than what I'm going through now."

"Why are you calling me 'Doc'?" she asked. "I'm not a doctor. I never went to medical school."

"You told me to think of you as my doctor, remember?" A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "And it suits you. I think I'll get you a lab coat, but you've got to promise not to put any sequins or flower appliques on it."

"I've already got a lab coat. It's pink."

He chuckled. "Sounds like you. Anyway, let's get back to the rat-drug idea. You said you found someone who could make it?"

"A chemistry student," Alice said. "He read the original study and tracked down the formula used. He tweaked it a bit for human use and the fact that you're not genetically altered. He thinks he can make it for me."

"Let's get started, then," Edward said.

Alice called the chemistry student. Edward left the room, apparently not concerned with the particulars. She was told he would have it ready in two days.

She was about to return the phone to its charging cradle when it rang in her hand. "Hello?"

"Hey, Alice!" Bella said.

Alice quickly looked around the areas of the house she could see. No Edward in sight. She closed the dining room doors and went into the kitchen pantry, closing that door behind her as well. "Hi, Bella," she said softly.

"Did you get the pictures of the bridesmaid dresses I sent you?"

"Yes, I did, and they're gorgeous. Have you made a decision?"

"The blue one, I think." The dress to which Bella was referring was a simple empire-waist, floor-length gown.

"Good choice."

"I want dresses that everyone in the wedding party can wear again. Emmett said I should go with some god-awful bright orange monstrosities just for the giggle factor, but I put my foot down."

"Is Emmett around? I'd like to speak to him if he's available."

"Oh?" Bella was curious.

"Yeah, um... it's about Edward."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine." Alice wouldn't say more. She heard Bella call for Emmett and a brief conversation before he took over the phone.

"Hey, Alice," he said. "How've you been?"

"Quite well, thank you. And yourself?"

He sighed. "This wedding is driving me batshit insane. I wish you were here, Alice. You might be able to talk Bella down so that it doesn't become the extravaganza of the century."

Alice laughed. "It can't be that bad."

"You don't know the _half_ of it," Emmett sighed. "Get this: Bella found the fabric she wanted her dress but then she found out that it wasn't made any more. Nothing else would do. She cried for about two days before I couldn't take it any more. I ended up having to buy the goddamn textile mill where it was made because it had been closed due to the economic downturn. But at lest Bella has her fabric now."

Alice had tears of mirth in her eyes. "Come on, you've got to be kidding me!"

"I wish I were. I was getting worried I'd have to build her a cathedral if she couldn't find the one she wanted but thank God she settled for that church in France."

"Poor Emmett," Alice murmured.

"Anyway, I'm sure you didn't call to commiserate about my wedding woes. So, what's up?"

Alice gripped the phone a little tighter. "It's about Edward. He's staying with me while I run some ... experiments."

"It's a subject I don't care to discuss," Emmett said, his voice sharp and cold.

"I know you two had some sort of falling out, and I'm sure it's something to do with Bella, but can't you see your way to forgiving him? I know he misses you."

"Alice, I'm hanging up now. I told you, I don't care to discuss it."

"Emmett, isn't there som-"

_Click._ Alice was listening to a dead line.

Disappointed, Alice hit END.

"I could have told you what he'd say."

Alice jumped. Edward's voice sounded like he was right outside the pantry. She opened the door. "Jesus, you scared me."

Edward was leaning against the counter, drinking a bottle of AB. "I don't really blame him," he said. "I don't deserve his forgiveness. I wasn't that great at being a friend to him, to be honest. He was always making excuses for me, steadfast and loyal in his belief that I was a better person than I actually was. He finally saw me for what I really am and there's no coming back from that." He took a swig from his bottle. "I made sure of it."

"But you miss him," Alice said. "I can tell."

Edward put the empty bottle aside. "It doesn't matter. He's better off without me."

"Is that why you did whatever it was that broke you two apart? Did you sacrifice your friendship intentionally?"

Edward was playing the the bottle cap, staring at it intently. "Perhaps subconsciously, but trust me, my motives were far more selfish than that." He straightened, tossing the cap on the counter. "Anyway, it's done. I'd advise you not to bother with trying to repair my relationship with Emmett. There are some deep issues there, and let's just leave it at that. Now, if there's nothing else we need to discuss this evening, I'll be taking my leave."

"Where are you going?" Alice asked.

"Out," he said. He didn't look at her as he snatched his keys off the hook by the kitchen door and left. She heard the engine of his car and the crunch of gravel in the driveway. With a sigh, she went back into the living room. Rose was embroidering while watching television. Some nature program or the other. Alice stared at it with sightless eyes. She couldn't have even answered correctly what animal was the program's focus.

Where was Edward going? Had overhearing her on the phone talking to Emmett upset him so much that he had to escape? Would he come back? His wooden box- he wouldn't leave without it, she was sure. She jumped up from the sofa and dashed up the stairs into his room.

It was neat and tidy, almost military standard, his blankets tucked smoothly, his shoes lined precisely under the edge of the bed, their toes lined up evenly. She opened the closet and strained to reach the top shelf. She was about a foot too short to even reach it, let alone see on top of it. She looked around hastily and grabbed an armful of books to build a makeshift step-stool. She stacked them and carefully climbed up, holding her arms out for balance. She peeked over the edge of the shelf.

"What are you doing?"

Alice screeched and lost her balance, pinwheeling her arms as she tipped over the stack of books and fell backward.

Edward caught her but when she looked into his face, it was angry.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was- well, I was worried you had left and wanted to see if your box was still here because I know you wouldn't leave without it."

The anger melted away and his face softened. He set her on her feet. "Don't worry, Doc. I promise I won't leave without telling you."

"You're back so soon. Where did you go?"

Edward held up a pack of cigarettes. "I just went down to the convenience store. Got a few abandonment issues there, Doc?"

"You're not here to analyze me," Alice shot. "And don't call me 'Doc'. I'm not a doctor."

"Not much of a builder, either," he said, looking at the mish-mash stack Alice had constructed.

Alice lifted her chin and tried for dignity. "I'm going downstairs to do some research. Feel free to join me if you like."

His mood seemed to lighten. "Yes, actually. I think I'd like to help." Maybe it made him feel like he was doing something constructive toward reaching his goal. He assisted Alice in re-shelving the books and then they went downstairs together.

Edward turned out to be a good research partner. He was intelligent, remembered what he'd read and more importantly, where it was located. Alice liked to spread her work out all around her instead of having to constantly get up and go to a filing cabinet, so remembering what went where was a challenge of memory.

Where Edward contributed the most was in using the internet. Alice was old-fashioned in that regard, not really trusting anything she didn't have in a printed book from a university publisher, which was odd for her generation. Edward helped her fill in the blanks in a couple of areas, as well as make some connections she had never noticed. Alice found herself enjoying their research time. When he wasn't focused on his emotional pain, Edward could be a charming companion.

The strange thing was, the more pleasant Edward was, the more hostile Rose became. Alice noticed the glares; Edward ignored them. Alice made a mental note to talk to Rose about what was bothering her, but promptly forgot when another idea popped into her head and she began a furious bout of study.

On Wednesday, they got into Edward's Bugatti and headed to the chemistry student's house. As they drove, Alice chatted in her animated way about the research they'd done, oblivious to the anxious looks Edward was giving to the neighborhood. He interrupted her as they pulled up in front of a run-down apartment building. "Uh, Alice ... are you sure this is the place?"

"1289 Baker Street," Alice confirmed. "Apartment 4D."

"I'm going in with you," Edward said. He was around the car in a flash to open her door. Jesus, that guy was fast. They walked up the cracked and pitted sidewalk and Edward pulled open the door. In this instance, he did not defer to her and went inside first. Alice followed him, wrinkling her nose at the smell of the place. Good thing vampires didn't need to breathe. The four flights of stairs they climbed were caked with grime, and small piles of trash seemed to have found a permanent home in the corners.

"Alice, where did you find this guy?" Edward was in "scan-mode" his eyes swift and suspicious as he searched around for potential enemies.

"He came highly recommended," Alice said. "I asked around amongst some academic friends of mine and they said this guy could mix up just about anything."

"From the look of the place, I'd imagine he's putting those skills to use running a meth lab."

"Edward!" Alice chided. "Just because someone is poor doesn't make them a criminal."

"No, but being able to whip up any compound on demand, no questions asked, is somewhat suspicious behavior, don't you think?"

They reached the door, which had the number written on it in black marker. Edward tapped on it and after a few moments of rustling and bumping, they heard footsteps coming toward them and the peep hole darkened as someone peered out. "Who are you?"

"I'm Alice. You spoke to me on the phone two days ago. This is Edward, a friend of mine."

"Are you guys cops?" The voice was suspicious and a little bit hostile.

"If we were, do you think we'd answer that question honestly?" Edward said, arching a brow.

The man seemed to find that satisfactory because he opened the door to admit them. Both the apartment and the man could use a good scrub-down, Alice thought. He was in his forties, balding and wore a dirty white wife-beater and sweatpants that had lost their structural integrity during the Clinton Administration.

He eyed Alice, in her light blue dress with matching coat, and Edward in his designer suit with some measure of trepidation. He shuffled behind them, closing the door.

"You're a chemistry student?" Edward asked him incredulously. Alice knocked him with her elbow.

"Yeah. Went back to school after the plant shut down. I got your shit in the back room. Have a seat." He disappeared down the hall.

They both glanced at the furniture dubiously and remained standing. The man returned in a moment with a glass vial.

"You're sure the formula is right?" Alice asked anxiously.

The man was indignant. "You can send it to any fuckin' lab for analysis and they'll tell you that it's right."

Alice took an envelope out of her purse and handed it to him when he gave her the vial. He wasn't as interested in discretion and tore it open to count the bills. Edward and Alice headed for the door. He called after them, "You ever want anything else, missy, you let me know."

"Yeah, I will," Alice assured him.

In the car, Alice took the vial out of her purse and examined it. It seemed like such a small amount but he had assured her it was formulated for Edward's weight. "Maybe this was a bad idea, Edward. You're right. That guy didn't look exactly trustworthy. Maybe I should send it to a lab for testing."

Edward shrugged. "It's not like it will kill me."

"Tomorrow," she said, putting it in her purse.

"Tomorrow," he agreed, sounding much more cheerful than she felt. she leaned back and closed her eyes. If she didn't calm herself, she'd be a nervous wreck by tomorrow.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

..

_How now, my lord, why do you keep alone,_

_Of sorriest fancies your companions making,_

_Using those thoughts which should indeed have died_

_With them they think on? Things without all remedy_

_Should be without regard: what's done, is done._

Macbeth Act 3, scene 2

..

..

"Did it have to be a duck?" Alice asked, pitying the poor fowl which was honking and defecating in a large, open-top cardboard box on the floor of her kitchen.

"That's not a duck, Doc," Edward replied. "That is a goose."

"Did it have to be a _goose_?"

"You said I could choose. I knew you'd dislike the idea of a cat or dog, so I decided to go with a non-domestic animal and there's not exactly a lot of wildlife around here to choose from."

"Where did you get it?" Alice had never been this close to a goose before and she was surprised at how _big_ they were.

"City park," Edward said, casually.

Alice was troubled. The park was supposed to be a refuge for waterfowl, which landed on the park's pond, ate the bread the tourists tossed to them and took a nice, long break in a place free from predators. Until Edward Masen, the ultimate predator, came along. _Nobody_ was safe from Edward Masen, herself included.

"Do you know where to find a duck's veins?" she asked.

"Sure," Edward said. "I even shaved the spot on his neck."

She walked around to the opposite side of the box to see, and sure enough, the duck had a bald spot on its long, white neck, the vulnerable pink flesh exposed. She told herself it had to be _some_ animal that they used and she'd probably feel sorry for a chupacabra if it were in that cardboard Death Row.

He took out a syringe and drew the liquid from the vial, and pointed the needle up, tapping it to make sure there were no air bubbles. He depressed the plunger until a drop of liquid appeared on the needle's tip. "Ready?" He asked her.

_Not really_. Alice nodded.

"Hold the goose."

"Excuse me?"

"Hold him still. I don't want him thrashing about with a needle in his neck."

Alice approached the box and the goose hissed at her. She backed away hastily. "How about _you_ hold the goose while I give it the shot?"

"Don't be such a 'fraidy cat, Doc. He doesn't even have teeth."

But he could pinch. Alice discovered that fact almost immediately when the bird closed its beak on her arm. She yelped and jumped away, rubbing her bruised appendage. "This isn't going to work."

She had a sneaking suspicion that Edward found this vastly amusing though he kept a straight face. "Come on, Doc," he said in a brisk, no-nonsense tone. "Just grab hold of it. Go on."

Alice was a person who always sought out new experiences as a way to learn and expand her horizons. She would have happily gone the rest of her existence without the experience of wrestling a goose. She was afraid to squeeze too tightly for fear she might crush it and it kept breaking her hold. She was covered in goose poop and had feathers in her hair when Rose walked into the kitchen.

Rose froze in her tracks. Surveyed the scene. Saw Edward kneeling in front of Alice, who was straddling a live and wriggling waterfowl, its body clamped between her thighs. She slowly backed out of the room.

"ROSE! Come help me hold this thing!" Alice shouted.

Rose did return, but she got no further than the doorway. With a camera.

"Traitor!" Alice yelled at her. The light from the flash made the goose go apeshit, thrashing, honking, and snapping at everything in reach with its vicious beak. It caught Alice's ear and she screeched in pain, batting at its head until it released her. She fell back on her ass and scrambled away. The box had been crushed to smithereens during the battle and now the goose waddled toward her, its wings spread, likely intent on finishing off its vanquished opponent. Alice no longer felt sorry for it.

Edward made a clucking sound with his tongue and the goose swiveled its head toward him, tilting its head to survey him with a raptor-like eye. Edward stared at it intently and the goose went still. It settled down on its haunches and tucked its head beneath its wing.

"How did you do that?" Alice asked, awed.

"Same way you do it with humans." Edward slid the needle into the fat vein on the goose's neck and injected the contents.

"I never knew it was possible."

"Did you ever _try_?"

"Good point." Something dawned on her. "Hey, if you knew you could do that all along, why didn't you do it in the first place?"

"When would I ever get the chance to see Mary Alice Brandon wrestle a goose? I had to take the opportunity when it knocked."

_Bastard. _She smacked him lightly on the head. "I've got to change and clean up. Be right back."

She hurried. They head to give the drug a bit of time to circulate through the goose's system, but it wasn't a large window. She washed quickly and put on a pair of yoga pants with a hoodie and ran back down the stairs.

The goose was still sleeping the sleep of the righteous. Edward sat on the floor, his back against the sink cabinet. "Ready?" he asked.

_Not really,_ Alice thought again, but took a deep breath and nodded. Likely, nothing would happen. "Think about your memories of Bella as you drink," she instructed. "The memories you most want to lose."

"As if I ever think of anything else," he muttered. He scooted across the floor to the goose and gently took its long neck in his hands. It didn't even stir from its slumber. With his fingernail, he made a slice in its vein at the shaved spot and then began to drink. His face wrinkled with distaste but he gulped until no more would come. He lay the goose down gently. "Thank you, friend," he whispered, stroking its head. He went back to his position against the cabinet and closed his eyes.

"Talk to me, Edward," Alice coaxed. "Tell me your memories, as many types as you can think of, smell, taste, feel, hearing, all the sectors where memories are stored."

"Bella," he said. "Bella. She saved Emmett's life, and that's how I met her. I knew that he'd been having it rough the last couple of years. Sensitive blokes don't do all that well with living for eternity. Too much loss and grief accumulates. But I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw the key to his '62 Stingray on the counter. No note. Just that key. When I saw it, I thought that I'd never see him again. I went looking for him, following his scent, hoping I'd find him before it was too late. I found him, and I found her." Edward ran his hands through his hair.

"Her scent, _oh God_, her scent. She smelled so good, so fresh and clean. I haven't smelled a human like that in over a century. Too many chemicals in the water, in the food, in the medicines they take. Bella's one of those organic-only girls, a vegetarian at that. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs. Her blood was as pure as a mountain spring. I only tasted it once but it was the nectar of the gods, the most delicious thing I ever encountered." He paused for a moment and she saw him gulping. She watched closely but he lifted his head once more and continued.

"I drove her away with my own stupidity and stubbornness. I treated her like every other girl and expected her to fall at my feet. Instead, it repulsed her. I don't know how to love. I never did. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have lost her. And Emmett with his big, gentle heart, was exactly what she needed."

An expression of discomfort flitted across his face but she wasn't sure if it was from the drug or from the pain of his memories. "And I hated him for it. In one fell swoop I've lost _two_ people I loved. The _only_ people I ever loved. I hurt Emmett intentionally because I hated him for having what I could not. It was childish, it was stupid and it was wrong, but I did it anyway. And I hurt Bella by taking too much."

It was a moment before he continued, seemingly trying to brace himself. "Her hair is so soft, Doc. And her body, _Jesus_... I come from a time when plump and curvy was beautiful. It was like that for most of mankind's history, before cheap processed foods made being thin the bigger challenge. Look at the Renaissance painters, Rubens, Rembrandt, Titian ... all painted women who were considered gorgeous in those days but are seen as 'fat' today. Women today want to starve themselves down to skeletons, but you'll find that vampire males from earlier eras are most attracted to short girls with a little meat on them ... Uh, no offense."

She looked down at the floor and couldn't have explained why that comment hurt a little.

Edward shifted and rubbed his hands over his face, dragging them through his hair. He let out a soft groan. "I'm not feeling so great, Doc."

"What's wrong?"

"Nausea," he said. "Bad. I've been trying to ignore it but it keeps building."

"Slow, deep breaths," she advised. "That's what helped me when I was on chemo."

"Chemo? You had cancer?"

She nodded. "When I was very young. It ... it came back when I was in college. I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for the Queen."

"You're_ not_ alive today," Edward said, his voice short and blunt. "You're undead."

"Still better than being _really_ dead," she retorted.

He groaned again, rocking slightly as he buried his face in his hands. She scooted over to him, and rubbed circles his back. He leapt to his feet, throwing off her arm and spun around to the sink. He vomited, and bright red blood splattered the basin. Over and over again, he helplessly retched, sagging against the counter top as though his knees were too weak to support him.

Alice picked up Edward, giving silent thanks for her vampire strength, and carried him up to his room, despite his protesting grumbles. She laid him down on the bed and pulled off his shoes, tossing them negligently underneath. She handed him a plastic trash can just in time for the next bout. Gagging, sputtering, he gasped out an apology.

"It's all right," she said. "Don't worry about it."

She went into the bathroom and soaked a cloth in cold water. She lay the cool cloth against his forehead and he sighed. "God, that feels so good. Thank you, Doc."

"Shh. Rest," she said, stoking his cheeks, his lips, his throat with the cool cloth. It wasn't the right time to notice such a thing, but she had to marvel at how beautiful he was, his perfectly formed facial structure, completely symmetrical, every feature complimenting, and balanced with, the others. A soft cry was her only warning as a new round began. He let out a miserable groan, trembling. Rose came in silently and switched out the trash cans.

"If I'd known I was going to have to taste it twice, I might have put more research into my donor animal," he said and doubled over from fresh spasms.

She was starting to get worried. She didn't know how much blood was in a goose, but it sure seemed like he should have gotten rid of it by now. What if he was bleeding internally?

Alice caught him as he sagged and laid him back down, his head on her lap. Alice turned the cloth inside out and began her ministrations again, stroking his hair with her other hand. "Feels nice," he muttered.

She began to hum to him, and finally to sing. It was something her mother used to do for her when the pain was bad, the nausea churning. Her mother sang off-key, forgot lyrics and sang any song that came to mind, whether appropriate or not, but Alice cherished those memories. Her mother sang because she loved her and there was nothing else she could offer to give her daughter comfort.

Alice sang _Hallelujah_, the Jeff Buckley version. Unlike her mother, she had a sweet soprano. By the time the song was finished, Edward had a soft smile on his face. "You sing like an angel, Doc."

"Thank you. Do you feel better?"

"I think so. Please-" he caught her hand, "Please don't leave."

"I won't," she said. She lay down beside him on the narrow bed, kicking off her shoes.

"What made you think of singing to me?"

"It's what my mother used to do when I was sick. It always made me feel better."

"That had to be difficult for her, having a child with cancer. Did you have any brothers or sisters?"

She shook her head. "Only child."

"Are they still alive?"

"Last I heard," Alice said. "I kept tabs on them for a few years, but it was painful. They were told I'd been killed in a house fire. My mother was nearly catatonic with grief and my father blamed himself for not checking to make sure that I had smoke alarms. I hated seeing what losing me had done to them. I still feel guilty about it."

"They would have lost you anyway soon enough and cancer is a hell of a way to go."

"That's what I keep telling myself. That this was better because they didn't have to watch me get sicker and sicker, burdened with taking care of me until my death finally released us. But, as I'm sure you know, your brain can't turn off your emotions just because you don't like how you're feeling."

Edward made an inarticulate sound and Alice grabbed the trash can. Nothing came up this time, but he was still wracked with the painful spasms. The bout finally passed and he sagged back down, laying his head on Alice's stomach. "There must still be traces of the drug in your system that your body is trying to expel," she said.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," he snapped.

Stung, Alice shove his head away to get up. "You don't have to be so mean about it."

He held her in place. "Wait, Doc, I'm sorry." His beautiful mint green eyes bored into hers. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you."

"It's my fault," Alice said. "I should have done more research before we tried this and tested the compound."

"I wanted to try it," Edward replied, shaking his head. "I could have said no."

"It was a piss-poor experiment," Alice retorted. "I had no idea what I was doing. I still don't."

Edward lurched to his feet, pausing to get his balance. "What are you doing?" Alice demanded, reaching out to help steady him.

"Paying you," he said. He opened the closet door and reached onto the shelf, retrieving the wood box. He laid back down on the bed, placing the box gently on Alice's lap. "Open it," he directed.

"Edward, you don't have to do this now." Alice tried to hand the box back to him.

He led up his hands in refusal. "Open it," he repeated.

Alice's curiosity was too intense to ignore. There was a little brass hook that held it closed. She unhooked it and lifted the lid.

The box was lined with red-orange padded velvet and on top of it lay a small stone figurine of an obese woman, her hands cupping her pendulous breasts. Her facial features were not carved, the curls of her hair extending down over half of her face. Alice was afraid to touch it to see what the back looked like. She'd only seen these in pictures in history books. It was what archaeologists called a "Venus figurine", believed to have been fertility idols or representations of a goddess.

"It's nearly nine thousand years old," Edward said, looking over her shoulder at the little statue. "It's my mother."

Alice let that sink in. _Nine thousand years_. She was sitting beside the oldest vampire on the planet, far older then the other Ancients. "No wonder you never told anyone your true age," Alice said, her voice a little unsteady.

Edward smirked. "It's like being known as the Fastest Gun in the West. When you get a title like that, everyone wants to come after you to try to win that name for themselves."

Alice looked back to the stone carving on its bed of velvet. "Was your mother a person of importance?"

Edward nodded. "She was what we would call a shaman today, and a bodily representation of the goddess on earth. People brought her sacrifices, mostly food. It was a point of pride among the tribes to have the fattest goddess-woman. By keeping her representative in plenty, it was hoped that the Goddess would keep our tribe well-fed in return. These idols were made by our flint knapper and given by her to favored worshipers, like having a piece of her with them. The people who owned them even sacrificed to the statues, rubbing them with animal fat mixed with red ocher."

"Edward, this is amazing," Alice breathed."You kept this statue all this time?"

"Yeah. Almost lost it a few times but I always managed to save it. It's the last piece of my family; my line died out long ago. It's the last bit of my humanity." He looked at it, his expression almost brooding.

"Did you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Nine. I was the youngest."

Alice was surprised at such a large family. "How many of them survived to adulthood?"

"All of them, actually. Child mortality increased when people started living in crowded, filthy cities and eating less of a varied diet. My mother had plenty of resources to ensure we were all well-fed and the rest of the tribe regarded us as special, to be protected and coddled."

"What happened to you? You were changed very young, weren't you?"

"About sixteen or seventeen, perhaps. No one kept track of that sort of thing. You were a child, an adult, or an elder." Edward shrugged. "I was considered an adult. We matured fast back then. When we went to the annual gathering of tribes that summer, our tribe won at the games and competitions, so one of our number would be the annual autumn sacrifice. It was considered an honor for the tribe, and an even greater honor for the family of the Chosen One. I drew the dark pebble from the bowl, and so it would be me.

"Every year, one of our number was sent to the vampire who lived in the caves at the base of the sacred mountain. Of course, to us he wasn't a vampire. He was a God. He protected our tribes from outsiders and occasionally gave us occasional gifts of animal carcasses, including one memorable spring when he gave us a mammoth, which were getting pretty rare by then. They were probably what supplied the blood to keep him going between his annual sacrifices."

A_ mammoth_. He had actually seen living mammoths. Alice was awed.

"All summer long, I was pampered by the entire tribe, bribes so that I would take messages to those in the Afterlife. I had every woman I wanted, more beer than I could drink and the choicest foods at every meal. I had the time of my life. Until the day came when I was sent into the cave."

Edward shifted, drawing Alice against his side. It was nice, being snuggled up against him like that, even if it was just a friendly cuddle. She told herself sternly that_ friendly_ was the only thing it could be.

"That morning, I had been dressed in a new suit of fine doeskin clothes, dyed with red ocher, our sacred color, the 'blood of the earth', and then we had a day-long feast of celebration. I stuffed myself with delicacies, danced, joked and laughed with my friends. My mother was so proud of my bravery, but I wasn't being brave. I simply hadn't considered what it actually meant to be a sacrifice. It struck me as soon as I stepped into that cave and the darkness pooled around me. I remember being scared shitless. All of the messages I'd been given flew right out of my head."

Alice gave a sympathetic shiver and buried her face against his shoulder.

"The vampire's name was Nahuel. He didn't kill me instantly, like I had expected. He led me back to the chamber where he lived, and it looked much like the hut where I lived with my mother, rugs, a bed platform, baskets. I don't know what I expected from the abode of the God, but it was strangely mundane. Nahuel was lonely and he wanted to talk. He liked me and instead of draining me dry, decided to keep me.

"In those days, vampires were mostly solitary creatures and very territorial, seeing one of their own kind rarely, usually only in territorial disputes. A vampire's territory was like their ranch, where they raised and bred humans, bringing them food if necessary, protecting them from neighboring tribes and other vampires' poaching."

"Where did vampires come from?" Alice asked. She had heard many stories. Some thought they were demons who sold their souls for eternal life. Others said they were created by some ancient plague. She had even heard one theory that they were descended from Cain and vampirism was the 'mark' he wore in the Bible story.

"As far as I know, vampires evolved along side humans, a subspecies which was created by the viral mutation. Nahuel could remember back to the time when Neanderthals co-existed with humans. His maker's maker was one of them."

"My God, the things you must have seen!" Alice exclaimed, her voice soft with wonder. "When did you leave your homeland?"

"I was with Nahuel for several years. He taught me how to survive, how to hunt, how to drink from humans without harming them. I was a tad particular and never got used to animal blood, so we moved closer to a neighboring tribe so I could drink from the people there."

"You? Particular? I can't imagine," Alice teased.

"Hmph. Anyway, Little less than a year after that, Nahuel was attacked and killed by another vampire who wanted our territory. He was gracious enough to let me leave instead of killing me, too. So, I set off, having no idea where I'd go or what I'd do." He lifted his wrist and glanced at his watch. "And that's where we'll leave the story, my dear. It's nearly dawn and you must be drooping."

She was, but she really wanted to hear more. "Will you tell me more tomorrow?"

Edward closed his wooden box and slid it under the bed on his side. "I will. Sleep now. We have a lot to do tomorrow." He lay down on his side and drew Alice against him. She snugged into his shoulder and sighed in contentment. As she drifted off, she thought she heard him whisper, "_Bella_ ..."

* * *

><p>Alice was having the most erotic dream of her life. Pleasure pulsed through her body. "Edward," she murmured. "Edward ..."<p>

_Wait, vampires don't dream! _Her eyes flew open and she gasped in shock. She looked down and saw the back of Edward's head, his tousled bronze hair, between her thighs. An orgasm ripped through her and she cried out, arching off the bed. Edward slid up her body, looking mighty pleased with himself. He had already divested her of the yoga pants and now he began tugging at the hem of her hoodie. Alice grabbed it too, trying to hold it in place.

"What are you _doing?_" she demanded.

Edward smirked. "I'm sure there's a book around here where you can look up the answer to that later."

"Edward, stop!" she said, scrambling out of the bed. She yanked the blanket to wrap around her naked hips, and unveiled Edward in all his glory, reclining nude in the center of the bed. She gasped and threw the blanket back over him, then gasped again yanking down the hem of her too-short hoodie to cover herself. Edward laughed.

"This isn't funny!" Alice cried. "What did you think you were-, no, scratch that. _Why_ were you doing what you were doing?"

"Why not?" Edward responded, idly drawing circles with his fingers on the bed.

"What do you mean '_Why not'? You_'re in love with somebody else, that's why!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Good grief,_ everything_."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Doc, it's just sex. Monogamy is ridiculous, especially in our kind."

"Just because we're vampires, doesn't mean we have to be immoral," Alice argued.

"_Immoral." _He rolled his eyes_. _"Sorry, I haven't adopted that new-fangled Judeo-Christian shit yet. I still have all my stuff from when Isis was the big game in town and I'm hoping she will come back in style."

"You don't have to be nasty about it," said Alice, who had her mother's rosary among her prized possessions.

"Whatever," Edward slid to the side of the bed. "You'd better scurry off now, Doc, because I'm about to get out of bed and I wouldn't want to offend your virgin eyes."

"I'm not a virgin," Alice snapped.

"Oh, let me guess," Edward said, and she wanted to slap the smirk off his face. "In college, you decided you were and adult and thus it was time you had sex, and so you and a fellow student planned it out with about as much precision, and probably about as much passion, as the Normandy invasion."

Tears stung in Alice's eyes. She wouldn't admit that his guess had been pretty much spot-on. She left his bedroom, slamming the door behind her, his mocking laughter ringing in her ears, chasing her down the hall to her own room. She sat on her bed and struggled not to cry. He could be such an asshole sometimes. Why should she care what he thought? She didn't! She didn't care _at all_.

She burst into tears.

Her door opened and Rose crossed the room silently. She sat down beside Alice and pulled her gently into her arms. Alice sobbed on her shoulder wile Rose crooned wordlessly and rubbed gentle circles on her back. She held her until Alice quieted, then kissed her forehead and left just as silently as she had come.

She heard Edward say, "Hey, Rose, is Alice- _OW_! What the fuck did you do that for?"

Alice left her room and headed for the stairs, passing Edward, who was still doubled over from the sucker punch to his gut. "Bitch _punched_ me!" he said, incredulous.

"Good," Alice retorted.

"What the fuck is your problem?" he demanded.

"_YOU!_ You are the problem!" She turned and stomped down the stairs.

"And you're a frigid little prude."

"Frigid?" she shouted. She spun around and her furious eyes nailed him to his spot in the center of the stairs. "Just because I don't want to fuck the great Edward Masen, I'm_ frigid_?"

"No, you're frigid because you don't fuck _anyone_," he retorted, following her. "I'll bet the last time you got laid was the _first_ time you got laid."

"And you'd be wrong." Alice marched into her office. She threw herself down into her chair and punched at her computer's "ON" button so hard that it cracked.

He leaned negligently against the door frame. "Oh, all of two times, was it?"

Alice ignored him.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

Alice turned to him, her eyes blazing. "Go fuck yourself."

He seemed to suddenly realize he'd gone too far. "Wait, Doc, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"The hell with you," she spat. "_And don't call me 'Doc'!_"

"I said I was sorry!" His temper reasserted itself, probably because he was pissed off at feeling guilty.

She turned away, her chin in the air, as if he were of too little importance to note. She began typing.

"Whatever," Edward said. She heard him stomp into the kitchen and grab his keys from the hook by the door and slam it on his way outside. She heard his car start and its tires squeal.

_I will not cry. I will not cry_. Alice typed harder, her fingers nearly punching through the keyboard. Rose laid a hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine," Alice lied.

Rose held a mug into her line of vision. Alice could smell warmed blood. "Thank you, Rose," she said. She took it and sipped gratefully, feeling the comforting warmth and nutrition seep into her cells. Rose pulled out a chair and sat, looking at Alice expectantly.

"Am I really that strange?" Alice burst out. "So, I'm a vampire. Does that really mean I have to fuck everything in sight? Sure, our libidos are increased, but that doesn't mean we have to give in to our baser urges. What about you, Rose? How long has it been for you?"

"Long time," Rose said with a shrug.

"We can't be the only ones. I don't recall Emmett being a slut before he met Bella. And I doubt Victoria is out getting laid every weekend." Alice tried thinking of other vampires she knew, but most of them had heavily active sex lives. Not that she condemned them for it. This was simply her choice, which she was entitled to have respected. And it wasn't because she'd been raised a good Catholic girl, or at least she didn't think it was. (Alice believed that vampires had no souls.) It was just that she hadn't met anyone she liked well enough to form a sexual relationship and with the amount of time she devoted to her research, it was unlikely she would any time soon. She wasn't out cruising the vampire bars looking for a partner.

She typed a bit more and then looked up at Rose, surrendering. "Where do you think he went?"

Rose shrugged.

"Right. I don't care." Alice stared at her screen, but didn't see a thing on it. "Well, I do care, but just because of the experiments. If he's out getting high, it might effect the outcomes."

Rose considered and then tilted her hand from side to side. _Iffy_.

"Damn him," Alice muttered. "He'd better not bring any of his vamp tramps back here." She started work on one of her projects, compiling the characteristics and situations of fledglings who had different personalities after their change into a database, trying to find a common factor. She managed to engross herself in the work, but she kept one ear cocked for the sound of Edward's car.

Edward returned a couple of hours later, using the key Alice had given him to open the door. He hung up his coat and headed for his room. Alice sniffed as he passed and he whirled around. "If you want to know where I went, Doc, just ask me rather than smelling me like a bloodhound."

"Fine," she said. "Where did you go?"

"Shopping." He sat down in one of the dining room chairs. "I need more than the three suits I've been wearing." He ran his hands through his hair, making it stick out even worse than usual. "Listen, Doc, I really am sorry about this evening. The only other person who's ever rejected me is Bella and it probably stung more for that reason. I shouldn't have lashed out at you, and I shouldn't have said the things I did. I was wrong, and I'm very sorry."

Alice gazed at him. He did look contrite and as far as she could tell, he was sincere. "All right," she said, a little grudging. "I forgive you."

"I want to understand why you're turning me down, though," he continued. "You like me, right? And I like you. So, what's the problem?"

She took a deep breath. "Edward, you're in love with another woman and to me, that's like a commitment. You may not see it that way, but I feel like I'd be poaching on another woman's territory. Secondly, I'm not the kind of girl to have casual physical involvements. We have a good working relationship and I don't want to damage that."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, _okay_. I understand. I may think it's a little strange, but I understand your thought process." He gazed at her for a long moment. "You're a pretty girl, Doc, and you ought to be living a little, not always buried in books."

"I'm doing what I _want_ to do," she retorted. "What's your idea of fun might not necessarily be mine."

He grinned. "Doc, _everybody_ thinks sex is fun. You were never properly fucked if you think a night of compiling statistics is more fun than sex."

"Don't you have something else to be doing, rather than making fun of me?" she asked.

"Okay, okay, don't get frosty," he said, standing up and pushing in his chair. "Need my help with anything?"

"No, I'm almost done for the night."

"Good. Come up to my room when you're finished and I'll tell you another bedtime story." His grin was wicked.

"I think we should stay down here," Alice said. "We'll sit in the living room."

"With Rose as a chaperone, hmm? No dice, Doc. You come up to my room or I'm not telling you anything."

"You promised to pay me in knowledge!" Alice protested.

"Yeah, but I didn't say _how._ I'm keeping my side of the bargain. If you want your knowledge, come and get it." He backed out of the room and started up the stairs. "I'll be waiting," he called over his shoulder.

Alice slammed her fist on the table, making the papers and books jump. Stupid, sexy blackmailing man.

She tried to go back to work, but her mind kept drifting. With a sigh, she turned off her computer and went up the stairs after him.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

..

..

_By the roots of my hair some god got hold of me._

_I sizzled in his blue volts like a desert prophet._

_The nights snapped out of sight like a lizard's eyelid:_

_A world of bald white days in a shadeless socket._

_A vulturous boredom pinned me in this tree._

_If he were I, he would do what I did._

- Sylvia Plath, "Hanging Man"

..

..

_Shock treatment_. The very words were daunting.

Alice sat silently in the car while Edward drove. On her lap was a large, rectangular box about the size of a desktop CPU with dials and switches and electrodes. Edward assured her that the hospital from which they'd just stolen it wasn't using this particular model any more, having purchased an upgrade earlier in the year. They probably wouldn't even notice it was gone, but just to make Alice feel better, he promised he'd send them a sizable donation.

It had taken almost all evening to locate a hospital that still used electro-convulsive therapy and then to relieve it of one of their old machines. Alice had sat that particular experience out, waiting in the car until Edward came sauntering back, the machine tucked under his arm. He was actually whistling when he got inside the car.

It was late. She tried to insist it was too late to try out the machine, but Edward insisted on doing the first session immediately and she caved to his insistence. Alice kept thinking of ways to talk him out of this, but he was determined. She had a feeling that if she refused to participate, he'd grab the machine, hide out somewhere and shock the hell out of himself, paying no attention to protocols or voltage recommendations.

They'd gotten along better in the last couple of days. Edward hadn't made any moves on her and he'd spent the evenings with her, doing research on ECT (Alice refused to go blindly into another situation) and telling her stories about his past, the things he had done and things he had seen in his globe-spanning travels.

Alice thought of her shelves of history books and felt a little pang that she couldn't share her new knowledge with the world. So many incorrect assumptions, so many misinterpretations. One evening, Edward had gone out to the bookstore and bought her the book _Motel of the Mysteries_, a satirical story of archaeologists 10,000 years in the future discovering a buried hotel and "interpreting" the items inside, such as the toilet seat being a ceremonial fertility necklace. It certainly made her think about some of the assumptions she had made, sometimes blinded by her own perceptions and experiences instead of looking at things with an open mind.

"You okay, Doc?" Edward asked. They pulled into the driveway and Alice waited for him to open the door for her. He was strangely picky about thing like that. He thought she was intentionally rejecting his courtesy if she opened her own doors.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said. He was going to go through with this, no matter what, so she had to help him to make sure he didn't somehow really hurt himself.

"You seem awfully quiet," Edward glanced at her face as he spoke, opening the kitchen door with his key.

Alice kept her eyes glued to the floor as she stepped inside. "Just thinking."

"That's your problem, Doc," he announced. "You over-think things."

She gaped at him. "Edward, haven't you even considered all of the things that could go wrong with this?" There were too many worries crowding her mind, whirling through her head, looping, repeating, feeding off of one another. What if it didn't work and he wanted to try higher voltage? What it it worked _too_ well and erased _all_ of his memories? He was incredibly powerful and it would be nigh to impossible to control him if he lost his inhibitions.

"I'm more interested in the things that could go _right," _he said_. _"Don't be a pessimist."

They set up the machine beside his bed, pulled a little closer into the center of the room so that Alice would be able to reach him from all sides and one of the stools from the kitchen was perched next to it.

"Doc, don't worry," Edward said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "You've done your homework on this one. Everything will be fine."

"What if it doesn't throw you into a seizure?" she asked.

"We've discussed this," Edward said calmly. "The seizure aspect may not be important for my situation. The electricity will still be hitting my memory centers, and if its detractors are correct, it will cause the lesions and neural death in areas associated with memory, but it's not going to hurt me. Hell, the APA guidelines allows for four or five shocks. I'm sure I could take more."

He opened a bottle of blood that he had driven to the vampire bar last night to purchase. (She had been proud of herself for asking no questions as to why it took him so long to return.) The label was blue with fanciful silver curls painted over the surface of the bottle and Gothic lettering in silver which read, "Vitamin H." Heroin-laced. She had given vampire-kind the first and only method of preserving and bottling blood and the first thing they did was use it to sell intoxicants. She understood how Marie Curie had felt when her discovery of radium led to the atomic bomb.

Edward drank it quickly, taking no time to savor its O Positive flavor. It wouldn't knock him out, but it would make him more relaxed and perhaps dull any pain from the procedure. In just a few minutes, she could tell a difference. His eyelids drooped lower and his facial muscles relaxed. He smiled at her, that gorgeous, crooked smile that made every woman between the age of twelve and eighty weak in the knees. "You look very pretty tonight, Doc. Pink suits you."

He laid down on the bed and attached his own electrodes, both on the left side of his head- the hemisphere of his brain that was dominant, as Edward was right handed- one near the temple and one on his forehead, which their research had indicated was the worst possible placement in regards to memory side effects.

"'You may fire when you ready, Gridley.'," said Edward, clamping a leather strap between his teeth. If he put any pressure on it, he'd likely bite it in half, but it might pad his teeth a little.

Alice took a deep breath. She set the dials carefully, checked them again. Checked them one more time.

Edward spit out the strip of leather. "Dammit, Doc, do it already! The wait is torture." He replaced it and lay back, waiting.

Alice flipped the switch.

Edward's body arced upward, off the bed, only his upper shoulders and legs touching the mattress. His head thrashed, his face frozen in the rictus of a scream, and his feet jittered in a bizarrely jaunty dance. "Edward!" She rushed forward and almost grabbed him but stopped herself just in time.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

The longest six seconds of Alice's life.

She hit the switch and Edward dropped to the bed like puppet whose strings had been cut, limbs akimbo, limp, his face slack.

"Edward?" She knelt by his side and cupped his face between her hands.

"Edward, look at me." Her tone was calm and firm, two things she was not.

He obeyed.

"What day is it?" she asked.

" ... Friday ... I think."

It was Saturday. The expression on her face must have given it away because he groaned. "Aw, fuck, Doc, I didn't know what day of the week it was _before _you hit me with the juice."

She let out the breath she'd been holding. He was lucid, at least.

"Hit me again," he commanded.

"Edward, are you sure-"

"I wouldn't have said it if I weren't. Do it." He replaced the strap between his teeth.

She flipped the switch.

She wanted to look away so badly. She didn't want to see him like this, frozen in agony as every muscle clenched. But she couldn't. She had to stay focused, watch him to make sure he was all right.

Six seconds.

She hit the switch. He collapsed again, gasping. A soft moan left him, involuntarily, she was sure. She brushed back his hair. "Edward?"

"Again," he said.

Tears pooled in her eyes. "Edward-"

"Don't make me beg, Doc," he rasped.

She closed her eyes. Flipped the switch.

His arm shot out, ramming into her shoulder. She lost her balance and tumbled off the stool, landing with a thud. She was on her feet again instantly, her attention focused on Edward, his tight writhing, his silent agony. She hit the switch and he went limp. Both of them had tears in their eyes. She leaned over to look down at him, and one of her tears plopped onto his cheek. It flowed into one of his own, mingled, rolling down his cheek to splash on his ear, near that Darwin's tubercle she had pointed out while cutting his hair.

"I hit you," he whispered.

"Not intentionally." She smiled, as though tears were not flowing in constant rivulets down her face. "It's okay."

"Again."

"No," she said, and shook her head. "I can't, Edward."

"Yes." He caught her hand and gripped it. "You must. Please."

She did it.

Afterwards, he was weak and shaken. She went to get him a bottle of AB from the refrigerator and found that Rose had left a tray with a warmed mug outside the door. She took it in to Edward and helped him sit up, holding the mug to his lips when his hands shook too badly to hold it. He drank it gratefully and when he was finished, she pulled the blankets up to his chin, tucking him in, offering what little comfort she could. She pushed the hateful machine over to the wall, resisting the temptation to kick it to bits and burn the pieces.

She turned to go and Edward called to her. "Doc, please don't leave. Stay with me. Please."

She couldn't resist his pleading mint green eyes. She lifted the blanket and crawled into the bed, laying stiffly on her own side, her back to him. He pulled he closer and rubbed gentle circles on her back. "You okay, Doc?" The sensation of his breath on her ear made her shiver.

"I'm fine," she whispered. Another tear fell and splashed on the back of his hand. He was the one who had suffered and here he was, comforting _her._

He began to sing to her, a beautiful melodic song in a language she didn't know, in a rich baritone voice. His breath teased her ear as he sang and she felt her nipples harden. She'd never known there was a connection between the two.

The last note died away. "What was that?" she asked.

"A lullaby in a language long forgotten, Paeonian. I heard the song sung by a shepherdess south of the Balkan mountains, long ago." He paused for a moment and blew gently on her ear, making her shiver again. "That song probably hasn't been sung in two thousand years."

"Well, we know your long-term memory isn't affected," she said briskly, moving her head away so he could no longer tease her ear. He chuckled. "Good night, Doc."

"Is it daw-" Alice was out like a light.

* * *

><p>Edward seemed to be in a pissy mood that evening. He merely grunted when Alice greeted him in the kitchen, grabbing her "breakfast" bottle of blood from the refrigerator and popping it in the microwave to warm.<p>

"Why don't you drink from live donors?" Edward asked abruptly.

Alice hedged. "This is more convenient."

"Convenient, perhaps, but not nearly as satisfying. Come on, let's go out to the club."

Alice shook her head. "I have work to do."

"Do you _ever_ drink from a live donor?" Edward demanded.

"What's it to you?" Alice retorted.

"I'm curious. I satisfy your curiosity about history; you can return the courtesy of answering a couple of questions. I repeat: do you ever drink from live donors?"

Alice wouldn't look at him. She stared intently at the diminishing numbers on the microwave's clock as if they held the secrets of the universe. "No, I don't."

"Why?"

Alice hesitated, trying to think of a way to answer.

"Jesus Christ, Doc, it's not that difficult of a question."

Alice felt her hackles raise. "I just don't want to, okay?"

"You don't drink, you don't fuck ... it's unnatural. It's a complete denial of your nature as a vampire."

"Oh, so we're back to the sex thing again?"

"That 'sex thing' is a part of your nature. That's what vampires_ do._ We drink blood and we fuck. We're like bonobos. It's social, like a handshake. It keeps out tensions down and keeps us from killing one another."

"Do I seem aggressive or violent to you?" she demanded.

"No, you seem- Never mind." He cut off his words and strode to the door, snatching his keys from the hook.

"You're leaving?" Alice asked, hating the tone of her voice. She should sound indifferent. Instead she sounded sad, almost like she was pleading with him to stay.

"Yep. I'm off to _be a vampire_ for a bit." The sarcasm in his tone cut her. "Don't worry, I'll be back in time for us to do the treatment."

She wouldn't admit it, but that wasn't the reason she didn't want him to leave.

She stared at the door a long time after he closed it. What was her problem? Why did she care what he was going to do at that club?

The answer hit her like being doused with a bucket of ice water. She was falling for him. Desperately, she tried to deny it. Tried to reason with herself. He was in love with another woman. All she was doing was setting herself up for heartbreak. If it was true, she had to nip it in the bud right now, root it out of her system, learn to love the smell of Napalm in the morning.

She had to get out of here. She went through the hallway and stuck her head inside the living room. "Rose, I'm going to visit Victoria. Want to come?"

Rose shook her head.

"Come on, it'll do you some good to get out of the house."

Rose met her eyes and slowly shook her head again.

Alice sighed. "All right, Rose, I won't push." She went in to the living room and used the phone by the sofa to call a cab. She sat down next to Rose and gave her a hug. Rose kissed the top of Alice's head and Alice lingered there for a moment, drawing comfort from the embrace.

They sat there like that for a few minutes until the arriving cab honked its horn. Alice grabbed her purse and coat. "I won't be long," she called over her shoulder. She opened the door and nearly knocked over Edward.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out," replied Alice and strode past him to the cab. He stood there in the doorway, watching as she pulled away. She refused to look back at him. He had smelled like soap, as though he'd just taken a shower and she wouldn't think about it. No, not at all. She read the cabbie's license over and over again to force her mind away.

Queen Victoria lived in a renovated castle not far from the city. It wasn't as glamorous as it sounded, being simply a small square building with a tower on the front two corners. It was chosen for its security, not aesthetics, having thick stone walls and only small arrow slits for windows. The owners of the property had actually used the old castle as a barn after the construction of the manor house half a mile away.

Alice hopped out of the cab at the end of the drive and walked the rest of the way to the gate. She gave her name and identification number and waited until her permission to visit the Queen was confirmed by the guard. He'd seen Alice many times before, but during a civil war, alliances can shift from friend one day, assassin the next. As soon as she was confirmed as an ally, he became much more friendly, asking her how she'd been and if she'd made any new discoveries. Alice chatted with him for a few moments before heading up to the castle door. There, the same procedure was repeated in addition to a search for weapons.

She was led by a dayman butler down the stairs into what was once the dungeon but now contained Victoria's office. He announced her grandly at the door, "Miss Alice Brandon to see Her Majesty."

Victoria was pecking at a computer when Alice entered the room. She held up a finger for Alice to wait while she finished. Alice didn't mind. She took a seat in front of the desk and used the opportunity to survey Victoria for clues as to how she was doing, and the news wasn't good.

Victoria had been changed when she was in her early twenties but she looked older than that now. Her face was pale and drawn, her mouth curled down in bitterness, her eyes shadowed and haunted. Her bright red hair was an incongruously cheerful note, even pulled back from her face as severely as it was. Victoria had never been a fashionista, but the baggy clothes she wore were drab and shapeless. Alice recognized the sweater she wore as being one of James' and her heart broke a little.

"Sorry about that," Victoria said, tearing her eyes away from the screen with effort. "It's nice to see you, Alice. How have you been?"

The words were correct and so was her polite tone, but Alice knew her well enough to recognize that Victoria was seriously troubled. It was even more than her tearing grief for James. "What's wrong?" Alice demanded.

"Oh, beside the fact that my mate is dead, my people are rebelling against me and I keep getting boxes in the mail containing the ashes of my troops, everything is just _ducky_." Victoria put a hand to her forehead. "Wait- I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Stop," Alice said. "It's fine. I understand you're under a lot of stress right now."

"That's an understatement of epic proportions," Victoria said, her voice wry. She indicated the piles of paper on her desk. "Laurent is running his revolution like the mafia, expanding his territory by eliminating any opposition in the way. Report after report of businesses being ransacked, my supporters being harassed, blackmailed or killed. Most of the East Coast of the U.S. is now under his rule. I can't stop it. He's keeping us more than occupied with trying to clean up after his people who are taking full advantage of the confusion to slaughter humans whenever the whim takes them. I'm losing Volturi faster than I can replace them an trust me, the pool of volunteers is getting mighty thin. I find myself having to take candidates who are little more than fledglings. And just to put a cherry on the top of this shit sundae, Caius has gone rogue."

"_Caius_?" Alice repeated in astonishment. Caius was head of the Volturi, the last person whose loyalty Alice would ever question.

"He hasn't joined the rebels," Victoria said. "He's simply gone off the deep end. He was acting so strangely last night at one of the vamp clubs that they kicked him him out, which pissed him off to the point that he picked up a double-decker bus full of tourists and threw it at the building."

"Oh my God," Alice gasped.

"Our kind took care of the memories of the survivors and witnesses, but there are twenty-four dead. The humans think it was a terrorist bombing. But Caius took advantage of the confusion and bolted before he could be contained." Victoria took a deep breath. "But enough about my problems. Tell me about how you've been doing."

"Aw, jeeze, Victoria..."

"I'm serious. Distract me for a minute or ten. It will be a welcome respite, I assure you."

Alice recounted the events of the last week. "I'm sorry I can't say we've learned very much about vampire brains as of yet," she apologized.

"You've learned what _doesn't_ work," Victoria argued. "That's valuable in of itself."

"We have seven weeks of the shock treatments to get through," Alice said. "I refused to do it more than three times a week and we figure he'll need at least twenty sessions to show any results."

"It's better than losing him, Alice." Victoria sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. "If he's feeling anything like what I am, it's this or a walk in the afternoon sunshine. Edward is highly respected by the Council and I need his support right now. Call me callous, but I'm in favor of you doing whatever you have to do to keep him going for as long as possible." Victoria's mask of cool civility fell for a moment and Alice got a glimpse of the raw pain beneath it. It shocked and frightened her with its intensity.

"I wish that James had let me die all those years ago, rather than changing me," Victoria said softly. "If he had, none of this would be happening. All of the innocent people becoming collateral damage in this war ... And now I'm_ trapped_, trapped here by my duty. I can't let Laurent win, even though I long to be able to say, 'Okay, I'm done with this Queen business'. He would destroy us all because we would no longer be warring just amongst ourselves; he would expose us to the humans and then the bloodshed would _really_ begin."

"Edward blames himself," Alice said. "He says if he hadn't dated Lauren, none of this would have happened."

Victoria waved a dismissive hand. "If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else. I'm not just saying that to make him feel better because you know me and you know if I thought it was really his fault, I'd be demanding his ashes on a silver platter. We were standing hip-deep in gunpowder in a room full of smokers. Pretty soon, someone was going to drop a spark that set it off. It was inevitable. We knew it all along, the Council and I. We were just hoping for more time to build our forces before the explosion. Edward and Bella ended up being the catalysts, just like Helen of Troy ended up being what started the Trojan War, but the truth of the matter is that there never would have _been_ a war if the countries involved hadn't already had deep, bitter animosity."

Victoria leaned forward over her desk, her palms braced on her mounds of paperwork, her eyes blazing. "You tell Edward that the truth of the matter is that _I_ am the cause of this war. Me and my silly little rules about not killing humans and wanting to prevent evil or mentally disturbed people from being made into vampires. If I had just accepted the status quo and used my Volturi to clean up after vampire murders, everything would have been copacetic. But I wanted to change things for the better. A lot like you, Alice." She smiled, the first genuine smile Alice had seen her give in over three years, though it was heavily tinged with a wistful sadness. "That was what convinced me to change you. I could see some of myself in you, the desire to use your skills to help people and make the world a better place."

"That, and the fact that Dewey said he was going to squash me like a bug if you didn't do something," Alice joked. They both chuckled a bit at the memory of the surly vampire bartender who had gotten fed-up with Alice and her insistent snooping around the bar that housed the vampire club.

"It was one of the best decisions I've made since I became Queen," Victoria told her. She came around the desk and Alice rose to her feet. They embraced one another. Victoria pulled back and looked down into Alice's face. "If I can give you one bit of advice, it would be to never fall in love. Both Edward and I can attest that the pain of its loss never goes away, never gets better. There are few widows and widowers in our world because the burden of the pain is too immense for many of us to bear."

"Oh, Victoria," Alice hugged her again, wishing she could absorb some of that burden for her.

"I_ have_ to bear it because I have no choice. I have my duty." On Victoria's lips, a tiny smile played, one that made Alice's stomach grow cold because she had seen it on Edward's lips as well. "Maybe being deposed wouldn't be so bad after all."

"Don't say that," Alice said fiercely. "I don't know if you're a believer, but I believe that God never allows anything to happen by accident. It's all part of a plan."

"Oh, I'm a believer all right," Victoria said. "I just don't believe that God has much to do with our kind."

Alice shook her head. "We're part of His creation, too. There's nothing really _supernatural_ about us, if you think about it. We're changed by a virus that makes us stronger and faster by changing the way our bodies process nutrients, and turns off our aging gene. It heals our injuries and is so efficient that it gets all the nutrients it needs from blood. We even have evolutionary adaptions that help us blend in with humans and attract them. The only thing I can't explain with science is how we can hypnotize humans and read their minds, but that's just a limitation of our current scientific technology, not something innately inexplicable. We're part of the natural world and maybe the rebels are right in the respect that we were intended to be the top of the food chain, to keep human population numbers in check, but we don't have to be led by our animal natures."

Victoria gave that tiny smile again. "I should send you on the lecture circuit to recruit allies."

"Sorry," Alice said. "I'm piss-poor at public speaking. The only class in which I got bad grades was Debate. You can study and practice until the cows come home, but being a charismatic speaker is an innate talent that can't be learned. Just like leadership." Alice said this last sentence pointedly. "I could never be a Queen. Being a leader is also a talent which you either have or you don't. Most Americans _think_ they have the talent because our school kids are programmed from a very young age that we're all leaders, all rugged individualists forging our own path, but the truth is, we're not. Just like our relatives in the animal kingdom, we have Alphas and Betas, and all the way down to Omegas. An Omega can never be an Alpha no matter how much they're told they are, no matter how many leadership seminars they attend. They may even achieve the position in the working world, but they'll never be _good_ at it."

Victoria shook her head, amused. "Alice, you're a trip. I could listen to you all night, but I need to get back to work. 'No rest for the wicked' and all that jazz. But, tell me, before you go, what's the next step in your experiments?"

Alice took a deep breath. "Intentionally damaging areas of the brain where memories are stored. I'm really, really hoping we won't get to that point because it sounds grossly irresponsible to even consider experiments like that."

Victoria looked thoughtful. "I might be able to help you with that step. I'll give you a call."

Alice hugged her again and left. As she walked up the stairs, she began to dial for a taxi. She was paying such close attention to her phone's keyboard that she ran right into a man on the stairs.

"_ACK_!" The stack of papers flew out of the man's hands and he tumbled backwards down the narrow stone spiral stairs. Alice's phone shattered as it followed him.

"Oh my God!" Alice ran after him, hoping like hell the man was a vampire, not a dayman. He lay in a heap at the stairs' foot. Alice threw herself down beside him. He smelled like a vampire, thank God. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yes, quite well," he said politely. "If you could be a dear, please twist my head around the right way?"

Alice moaned and covered her face with her hands.

"Joking, I'm joking." The man slowly and carefully sat up, wincing as he straightened his limbs. "The neck didn't break but I think it's the only thing that didn't. Those stairs have _got_ to violate some kind of building code. I think we should sue. What do you say?"

Alice laughed. His grin was so infectious she found herself returning it. "Think we could strike it rich? Perhaps I should throw myself down the stairs, too and we can start a class action."

"What class might that be?" He cocked his head.

"The clumsy class, of course," Alice said.

"I'm not clumsy, _YOU_ are," the man pointed out, and Alice covered her face with her hands again.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Maybe you should sue me instead of the Queen."

"The stairs were the part that hurt, not being bumped into by you," he informed her. He grinned again and stuck his hand out. "Jacob. Jacob Black."

"Alice Brandon." She grinned back at him and teased, "It's nice to meet you Jacob-Jacob Black."

"Just one 'Jacob'. One is awesome enough." He took her hand into his massive paw and shook it gently. It was only once they'd stood up that Alice noticed how _massive_ he was. Perhaps even bigger than Emmett and Emmett was the tallest man Alice had ever met prior to this occasion. He was built like a linebacker, heavily muscled and broad-shouldered. His silky black hair and hawk-bridged nose pointed to at least some Native American ancestry and his skin had a slight copper tinge. Alice looked away, feeling suddenly shy once she realized he was checking her out, too.

"I'll tell you what, Alice Brandon," he said. "I'll drop my lawsuit against you if you'll be my date for the James Gill show at the Stanford Art Gallery tomorrow evening."

Alice was a bit flustered. She had little experience at being asked out on dates, especially by such an attractive man. "I- uh, I..." She wished her thoughts didn't fly to Edward at that moment.

Jacob took her hesitation as a negative. "I'm sorry, are you involved with someone?"

Alice lifted her chin. "No, I'm not. I ... I'd love to go with you, Jacob." To hell with Edward. He was right: she needed to live a little, socialize more with the opposite sex.

Jacob grinned again. "Great!"

They exchanged information. Alice's cell phone was a crumpled wad of plastic and wires, so he wrote his number on a piece of paper torn from the corner of one of his documents and entered Alice's in his phone. She told him her address and how to find her house.

"Looking forward to it," Jacob said.

Alice stuck out her hand awkwardly and he shifted his re-collected papers to the other arm to shake it. She felt like a moron but he just smiled at her. Alice ducked her head and escaped up the staircase.

She couldn't wait to tell Rose! Her first date since becoming a vampire. Alice practically skipped down the hall and gave the dayman at the door such a blinding smile that he was stunned into momentary immobility. She could barely contain her excitement.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

..

..

_I do not love thee!—no! I do not love thee!_

_And yet when thou art absent I am sad;_

_And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,_

_Whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad._

_I do not love thee!—yet, I know not why,_

_Whate'er thou dost seems still well done, to me:_

_And often in my solitude I sigh_

_That those I do love are not more like thee!_

_I do not love thee!—yet, when thou art gone,_

_I hate the sound (though those who speak be dear)_

_Which breaks the lingering echo of the tone_

_Thy voice of music leaves upon my ear._

_I do not love thee!—yet thy speaking eyes,_

_With their deep, bright, and most expressive blue,_

_Between me and the midnight heaven arise,_

_Oftener than any eyes I ever knew._

_I know I do not love thee! yet, alas!_

_Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;_

_And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,_

_Because they see me gazing where thou art._

- Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton

..

..

"Rose! Rose!" Alice burst into the house like a tiny tornado, making a beeline for the living room. "Rose?"

"She's not here. Edward was seated on the sofa, the light from the television the only thing illuminating the room. Its volume was muted and Edward sat there in the dark, in the silence, the flashes of color dancing across his pale skin. He held aloft a piece of paper which Alice's vampire eyes could read even at this distance: _Out walking. Back soon. Rose_

"I see that she's as verbose in the written format as she is verbally." Edward tossed the paper on the end table. "Why were you shouting for her?"

"I ... um ... I wanted to, uh ... tell her something." Alice shifted from foot to foot.

"Tell her _what_?"

"Nothing important." Alice tried for chipper and nonchalant.

"Where were you, Doc?" His eyes glittered.

That riled her temper. "Sorry I forgot to check in, Dad. Am I grounded?"

"It's a simple question."

"One that you're not entitled to ask."

They had a stare-down. Edward was the one who looked away first.

"Yeah." Edward took a swig from a bottle of Vitamin H. "It's getting late. Maybe we should get started."

"Oh. Okay. Sure." Her good mood had evaporated like snowflakes on the windshield of a warmed car. She followed him up the stairs to his room and saw that he had set up the ECT machine but the thing that caught her eye was the new additions: leather cuffs at the corners of his bed and three straps which spanned it horizontally. "Edward, what are those for?"

"Nothing as fun as I hope you're imagining," Edward said. "They're so I don't accidentally hit you again." He reached over and picked up her hand, holding it in his own and tracing his finger from her wrist down the bones in the back of her hand. "Your bones are so small, so light ..." His voice had a strange strain she hadn't heard before. She heard her breathing catch and wondered how so simple a touch could arouse her. She slowly withdrew her hand.

"Edward, it was an accident and you did no lasting harm."

"Well, it won't happen again," he assured her.

"Where did you _get _this kind of stuff?"

He arched a brow.

"What?" She didn't get it.

"There are people who like to use these for ... ah ... _recreational purposes_," he drawled.

_Oh? Oh. Oh! OH! _Alice's eyes widened as she finally understood and if she could have blushed, she'd have been scarlet.

"I could demonstrate, if you'd like," Edward purred. "A good time would be had by all."

"No, thank you," Alice said, primly. Curiosity got the better of her. "Edward, do you ... _like_ that kind of thing?"

He shrugged. "Now and then. I'm not a Dom, if that's what you mean, but I can see the attraction of having a woman at your utter mercy."

"What's a Dom?" The word she associated it with was champagne but she was pretty sure that wasn't it.

He chuckled. "Let's leave that question for another time, shall we? It's rather complicated." He laid down on the bed and slid his wrists through the loose loops formed by the cuffs. "Tighten these, Doc."

She attempted to comply, slipping the double-notched strap through the buckle. This close, his scent teased her nostrils, and God, he smelled good. Like spices. Her breath caught. Tying him up shouldn't be turning her on.

"Tighter," he murmured. He knew. The bastard. His eyes were hooded, glued to her face. She kept hers firmly on the hands she was restraining but she could feel the heat of his gaze licking her skin.

The second buckle should have been easier now that she had the hang of it, but she had to lean over his prone form and because she was so short, it was a difficult stretch. It put her breast directly over his lips. She considered crawling up on the bed but that seemed even worse. This close, his scent coated her nostrils, burned its way down into her lungs. She stopped breathing. She finished it as quickly as possible and straightened, edging away from the bed.

The first horizontal strap went across his chest right under the shoulders and the second, across his stomach. The last laid across his hips and brought her hands dangerously close to his pelvis as she attempted to buckle it. She fumbled. Had to try again. Dropped the strap. Her eyes widened at where it had landed and she looked away hastily. _Just do it._ She plucked it up with lightning speed and he let out a soft chuckle. She wanted to smack him.

His ankles were easier to fasten with detached, efficient motions. "Done," she aid, with an air of triumph. She took the electrodes off of the top of the machine and attached them to his head where he had placed them the previous session. He had shaved a spot on the side of his head, normally not visible under his tousled hair.

She retreated to the stool and perched atop it. She checked the dials carefully.

"Doc," Edward said softly. "Come over here for a minute. I want to talk to you."

"No, Edward. You need to get in the proper frame of mind now. You need to be thinking about Bella, the memories you want to remove."

"Right, right," he muttered. "Grab that leather thing from off the top of the machine, would you?"

Alice examined it. It looked like thick leather rolled around a hard rubber core. She put the cylinder between his teeth. He hadn't been clenching them, but that could change.

He closed his eyes and lay his head back. After a moment, he said, "I'm ready," his words muffled around the roll.

She didn't warn him. He arched when the electricity hit him, but the straps didn't allow for a great range of movement. The leather creaked loudly as he strained against it. He collapsed when she hit the switch again.

Alice smelled blood. Alarmed, she jumped off the stool and traced the scent to his hands. His nails had dug into his palms so hard, he was bleeding. Against his protests that he'd be fine, she went and got a damp cloth from the bathroom and gently cleansed his palms. The wounds were already healing on their own. She went over to his drawers and opened the top one. Sure enough, she found pairs of neatly folded socks. She rolled two pair of them into cylinders and put them into Edward's hands.

"Ready?" she whispered, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. He nodded.

She hit the switch. He arched up, hard, and without warning, the strap over his chest snapped, whipping in an arc, the end of it cracking with vicious force on Alice's thigh. She cried out and hit the switch, killing the juice.

"Doc?" Edward said. "Doc?"

Alice couldn't speak. It hurt. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it _hurt_. Alice didn't think of modesty. She pulled off her yoga pants and saw a red gash in her upper, inner thigh.

"Doc!" Edward yelled. She looked over at him and suddenly, he split into two Edwards. Both of them were struggling to free themselves from their bonds and both seemed to be saying something but her ears were plugged with the same fuzz filling her head. She fell off the stool and didn't even feel the pain of her face striking the floor, though the unpleasant crunch of her nose registered somewhere in the back of her mind. Something was coating her eyes with black, little spots crowding her vision down to pinpoints and then nothing.

* * *

><p>"Doc? Doc? Hey!"<p>

Someone was shaking her, patting her cheeks.

".. Leemee 'lone," she muttered.

"_ALICE_!"

Her eyes flew open. Edward's face loomed over her, his brow creased with worry. "Jesus Christ, Doc, you scared the ever-loving _shit_out of me," he rasped. "I've never seen a vampire faint before. I didn't even know it was possible."

She tried to sit up and wooziness knocked her back. "Wha-"

"It's okay, Doc. You're okay. Everything is fine." Edward's voice was low, mellow, soothing.

In a few moments, clarity returned. She sat up, still a bit dizzy, and looked down at her leg. She cried out in horror at the bleeding gash just an inch or so below the inner leg of her panties. It was deep, so deep that it hadn't started to heal on its own.

"Shh, Doc, I'll take care of it. I'll take care of you. Just relax. You're fine." His voice was so soothing she was lulled into a state of warm numbness. He picked her up and laid her on the bed. She turned her head and saw the cuffs in shreds, as if he had burst out of them with an incredible explosion of force.

He continued to murmur to her as his head lowered ... _lowered_. His soft hair brushed her thigh. Alice gasped. His tongue darted out and lapped at the rivulet of blood flowing from the gash, working his way up to the wound itself, gently fluttering against its edges, tracing it, healing it bit by bit. Soft, cool, damp velvet. His cheekbone pressed against her core as his mouth worked. Alice moaned. The pain was gone but she was still floating, floating. _Ah, God!_ His mouth had finished its ministrations to her wound and moved inward, nudging aside the leg of her panties. She felt that velvet tongue tease her labia and dip into the seam between them.

"Edward!" she gasped.

"Christ, you taste so good," he grated. "Please, Doc, please ... Ah, _fuck_, you're so wet ..."

A shred of sanity: "No, we can't," she managed.

His eyes burned into hers, "Just let me ... just for you, Doc. Let me make you feel good."

It was the hardest thing she'd ever done. "Edward, no, we _can't_."

He let out a frustrated growl, sitting up and roughly raking his hands through his hair.

Alice spoke and hated the timid note in her voice. "Thank you for healing me."

"Yeah, don't mention it." He stood and grabbed her pants from the floor. "Here."

Alice pulled them on. "Edward, I-"

He cut her off, "Not to be rude or anything, Doc, but I _really_ don't feel like talking right now. Go warm yourself some blood and get to bed. You've got about twenty minutes before dawn."

Alice left the room and walked like an automaton down the stairs to the kitchen. Rose was waiting for her, that presentience of hers rarely failing, a mug of warm blood in her hands. She passed it to Alice and stroked her hair while she drank it. She took it from Alice's lax hands before it could fall to the floor and rinsed it out before putting it in the dishwasher. Silent tears rolled down Alice's cheeks and she shook with repressed sobs. Rose pulled her into an embrace, Alice's head on her shoulder and that's where Alice fell into the death-like sleep of a fledgling when the sun came up.

* * *

><p>Jacob had told Alice he would arrive at 8:30 to pick her up for their trip to the art gallery. Alice was glad that the long winter nights gave her plenty of time between sunset and his arrival to pick an outfit. In theory, anyway. She was still standing in front of her closet in her bra and panties, staring helplessly at her stuffed closet. Rose had already done her hair, smoothing it down into a surprisingly chic style, and now Alice stared at her scores of outfits and found them all wanting. She should have gone shopping and bought something new.<p>

She heard the phone ring downstairs and Edward's voice answering it. Where was Rose?

Okay, she needed something formal and classy. That was what "art gallery" called for, wasn't it? She had a dark brown velvet off-the-shoulder dress that split down the center of the skirt to show a darker brown silk underskirt that was embroidered with tiny beige flowers. She rifled through her clothes until she located it. She studied it dubiously. Would-

Edward flung open her door. "Doc!" he snapped. He stopped in his tracks when she was what she was wearing, or more to the point, what she was _not_ wearing, and stared openly.

"Don't you _knock_?" she retorted, using the words he'd used on her that day she picked him up from the club. She refused to grab a covering and cower.

"No, it seems to be an affliction of manners we both share. What the fuck are you doing?"

"Dressing," she replied, pulling the brown dress over her head.

"Where are you _going_?"

"Art gallery." Alice's voice was muffled as she sought to slip her arms through the sleeves and couldn't find them.

Edward marched over and grabbed her hands, stuffing them through through the sleeves and yanked the dress into place. "Thanks."

"With _whom_ are you going to the art gallery and _why?"_

"Jeeze, what's with the Twenty Questions?" Alice asked. She wiggled around in the dress, removing her bra under its cover. "I'll be home in time for-"

Edward interrupted her. "Answer me."

She raised herself to her full height, squaring her shoulders. "I am going on a date," she said, succinctly. She pulled the bra out of her sleeve and dropped it on the floor.

"A _date_?" He looked so shocked that she grew angry a the implied insult.

"Yes, I know it's _astonishing_ that anyone would find me attractive or want to spend time with me, but I finally found someone willing to take on the burden."

He seemed not to have heard anything she said. "A date with _whom_?"

"Jacob Black."

Edward shook his head. "I don't know him."

"A fact which means absolutely nothing to me." Alice turned back to the mirror. "You said I should get out more. Well, I'm going out. What's your problem?"

He said nothing. His eyes narrowed in fury and he stomped from the room, slamming the door behind him so hard that it cracked down the center.

She primped a bit more in front of the mirror and added an amber necklace to her ensemble before heading down the stairs, carrying her Manolo Blahnik heels. She couldn't put them on herself. The tiny buckles on the straps were at just the wrong angle. Edward was in the doorway to the living room, his eyes like two hot coals.

"Where's Rose?" Alice asked.

"Walking again, according to her note."

Oh, lord.

"What's the problem?" Edward asked.

"My shoes... I need help putting them on."

"I'll help you," Edward said, his voice sinking into silken seduction. Alice inwardly sighed. She took a seat on the sofa and slipped her feet into the shoes, pointing to the tiny buckles on the ankle straps.

Edward knelt in front of her, picking up her leg and moving her foot to rest on his thigh. His fingers traced up her Achilles tendon making her shiver lightly.

"You have such delicate little ankles," he said, his voice low and rough. "Like a gazelle."

He finished with the buckle and took her foot off his thigh, running his hands over her calf as he dropped it to the floor. He picked up the other foot. "Mm. Can't seem to get this one. It's hard to see from this angle". Before she could protest, he lifted her ankle to rest on his shoulder and finished the buckle in a flash. "Much better." His lips followed his fingers, kissing and teasing around the edges of the strap.

Holy shit... how did this man turn every inch of her body into an erogenous zone? His kisses led up the inside of her calf, and then he was kneeling between her spread legs, his hands running up her thighs, pushing her dress up as they went. "Edward, stop," she ground out.

He dropped his hands but didn't leave his position between her legs. "Your _date_ called," he said, infusing the word with an ocean of scorn. "He'll be ten minutes late."

Was that message from when the phone rang earlier? Why hadn't he told her when he came into her room?

"Thank you," she said, polite as a woman in church who's been handed a hymnal. She pulled her skirt back into place.

"I like your necklace," Edward said, tracing the line of amber down her collarbone to where the lower pendant dipped between her small breasts. Alice stood so fast she knocked him off balance. "Thank you," she said again and rushed off to the kitchen. She braced her hands on the sink and stood there, staring at the drain.

"Doc," Edward said from the doorway.

"Yes, Edward?" She didn't turn around to face him. but every molecule of her body felt him approach as if she'd turned into an Edward-seeking satellite, tuned to his unique frequency. He cupped her shoulders with his hands and his breath tickled her ear as he spoke. "Call him. Tell him to fuck off. Stay home with me and I promise you more fun than going to an art gallery."

She steeled her spine and girded her loins. She tried to get angry and failed. "No, Edward. You said it yourself, I need to get out more. Well, I'm taking your advice. I'm going to go _be a vampire_ for the evening." This last bit was nothing more than a taunt and as soon as it left her lips, she regretted being so petty.

Whatever Edward's reply would have been, it was cut off by the arrival of Jacob's car. Edward peered out the window over her shoulder. "He drives a _Beetle_?" he said snidely.

"Careful, your snobbery is showing," Alice said.

"Oh, come on. I thought those things were only driven by aging hippies and college students." Alice shrugged out of his grip and went into the living room to sort through the coat closet. She selected her cream-colored wool cape and slipped it on just as Jacob's steps came up the walk. He tapped on the front door and she opened it with a smile.

"Hi, Alice," he said with a smile. He held out a bouquet of roses and Alice accepted them with glee. Her first flowers from a man.

"Come in," she said. "Make yourself comfortable while I put these in water." Alice went back into the kitchen where Edward still stood, his face like a thundercloud.

"Edward, could you reach into that cabinet over the refrigerator and get me a vase?" she asked.

"Red roses. He had to go for the stereotype," Edward muttered, reaching to open the cabinet. The vase was plain glass, urn-shaped. Edward banged it down on the counter so hard it shattered, slicing into his hand. He cursed and the smell of his blood hit her like a Mack truck. She felt her fangs lengthen and arousal curled in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Doc," Edward said, turning on the tap and running his bleeding hand under water. "I didn't meant to do that. I'll clean up the mess and put your flowers in water for you."

"Thank you," Alice said. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, just a small nick."

"Okay, then" she said, feeling suddenly awkward. "I'll see you later."

Jacob appeared in the doorway. "Everything okay, Alice?"

Edward bristled suddenly, whirling around from the sink, his eyes murderous.

"Um, Jacob, this is Edward. Edward, Jacob Black, my date."

Edward said nothing and pointedly ignored the hand Jacob extended.

"Uh, okay then," Jacob said with false cheer. "Let's get going, Alice. We don't want to be late."

She led him from the kitchen, through the living room and out onto the front porch, her heels clacking on the wood. Jacob offered his arm and she slid her own through it, even thought the height difference made her look like she was dangling from him like a monkey.

Jacob opened the passenger door and she slid inside. "I like your car," she said.

Alice heard a crash and saw that Edward had followed them outside and kicked the planter on the top step, smashing it to smithereens. She jumped out of the car, marched up to him, her eyes blazing, and poked a shocked Edward in the chest with her index finger. "Hey, asshole," she spat. "I _liked_ that flower pot, and I have a particular fondness for that plant which is now dying on my porch steps."

She spun around and stomped back to the car, trying to curb her anger and not stomp too hard or she'd crush her fragile shoes. Jacob still stood there, holding the passenger door, watching with avid interest the drama unfolding before him. Alice seated herself, making sure all of her dress was inside the foot well before he shut the door. Jacob came around to the driver's side and slid behind the wheel, folding his massive frame into the seat.

He nodded toward Edward, who still stood, frozen in place, on her porch steps. "Is he your, um, room mate?"

"No," said Alice. "He's my science project."

"Oh," Jacob replied, as if that made sense. He started the car and they drove off, Alice refusing to look back at Edward's still figure.

The gallery was teeming with well-dressed ladies and gentlemen in suits. Alice was glad she'd chosen this dress because it was elegant enough, yet understated, striking exactly the right note. Jacob, she thought, was the handsomest man in the room in his black Brooks Brothers suit and grey tie. They mingled a bit among the guests, Alice occasionally recognizing a vampire she knew, but soon they retreated back to one of the benches that ran along the wall. Alice had a glass of wine in her hand, untouched, like a movie prop.

"Gimme that for a sec,' Jacob whispered, nodding to her glass. She handed it to him and he poured both of their glasses into a potted plant. He retrieved a flask from the inside of his coat and poured the contents, filling both of their glasses half way. The blood looked enough like the Merlot being served that they could get away with it.

"What is it?" she asked, as he handed the glass to her.

"AB Negative," he said, "From a slightly inebriated donor, I might add."

Alice was impressed. She'd never had AB Negative, the rarest of the blood types and the most expensive. She took a sip and found it delicious.

"Are you going to Bella and Emmett's wedding?" Jacob asked, sipping from his own glass.

Alice was surprised. "You know them?"

Jacob chuckled. "Believe it or not, Bella and I were neighbors growing up. To be honest, I didn't really know her that well because she was home-schooled and I thought she was kind of weird. My mom made me ask her out once, but she turned me down, to our mutual relief. I went off to college and that was the last I heard of her. Imagine my surprise when I ran into her in Rome last summer, a gorgeous, confident woman, a vampire, traveling the world with her mate. She mentioned she knew you when we opened a bottle of blood-wine."

"Were you both changed around the same time?" He didn't look any older in mortal years than Bella, but she wasn't sure.

"Yeah, I was an attorney for one of the Volturi's daymen. He 'recommended' me, so to speak, and his vampire applied for permission to change me. Marcus- do you know him? Yeah, he's my sire."

After they finished their drinks, they strolled around a bit, viewing the various artworks and talking about what sorts of art were their favorites. Alice admitted that she wasn't much of a fan of modern art and didn't see why people would pay thousands for a bizarrely colored portrait of Marilyn Monroe.

Jacob laughed. "To be honest, neither am I, but the gallery's owner is a friend and I couldn't turn him down when he asked me to come tonight." He paused and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Wanna get out of here?"

Alice smiled. "Sure."

"How about we go back to my place. I have an art collection of my own that's probably more to your taste."

Alice smiled. "Are you asking me to come up and look at your etchings?"

Jacob snickered. "Actually I _do_ have one etching, a Dürer, and yes, you're welcome to come up and see it sometime." He said the last line in a poor imitation of Mae West making Alice laugh. She'd laughed more tonight than she had in weeks, and it felt good.

His apartment was in central London, what residents called "The City", near the Barbican. It was an old warehouse that had been converted into flats, boasting high ceilings and an open floor plan with blond hardwood floors. It was light and airy, all the furniture white with colorful throw pillows.

"I can't take credit for the decoration," Jacob admitted when Alice complimented it. "One of my friends is an interior decorator. I told her, nothing 'girly' and this is what she came up with."

His art collection really was stellar. She tried to find a common theme among the pieces, but it was too diverse. Hung on his walls were works by old masters next to Impressionists, and there was even a Normal Rockwell. He had pieces of sculpture here and there, a Rodin ballerina sharing a table with a Egyptian sculpture of a seated pharaoh.

"I just buy what I like," said Jacob, shrugging.

She wandered over to a framed sketch of a woman's face, so incredibly detailed that it looked like a black and white photograph. "This is incredible," Alice exclaimed.

"Thank you," Jacob replied.

"You did this?"

He nodded. "It's my mother." He looked a bit embarrassed. "I miss my folks," he said.

"Jacob, you're very talented," Alice complimented.

"Would you let me sketch you?" Jacob asked.

"Me? Really?"

"Yes, _you_. You have an interesting face."

"'Interesting', huh?" Alice laughed, but Jacob remained serious.

"You do. Your features are unusual but they blend together so well. Your high, sharp cheekbones softened by your generous mouth and big eyes ..." his voice trailed off as he entered another room. He came back almost immediately with a handful of pencils and a sketch book.

He seated her on the sofa and pulled the floor lamp a few feet away. "Tilt your head like _this." _He demonstrated the angle he wanted and Alice attempted to copy it. He wasn't satisfied and he came over to move her head himself, holding her chin gently between his huge fingers.

"Perfect," he said huskily. "Just like that." He hovered over her for a moment more and Alice inhaled his scent. He smelled good, not as good as Edward, but delicious in his own way. She chastised herself as he retreated to his seat and opened the sketch pad. She had to stop thinking of Edward and comparing other men to him.

Maybe the Queen was right, she mused, watching Jacob's pencil fly over the paper with vampire speed. Maybe love was a dangerous trap. She could feel it, she could feel how fatally easy it would be to fall into an obsession with Edward, but he would never be able to return her feelings. Had the Queen sensed it too, maybe from the tone of her voice when she spoke of Edward, and her words had been a warning not to let herself fall any further?

She pushed those thoughts away with an effort, focusing on Jacob and the blur of his hands. "All done," he announced.

"Really? Wow, that was fa-" Alice's voice cut off as he turned the paper so that she could see the results. It was like looking into a mirror. He had drawn her as she was, sitting on the sofa, her hands in her lap, her ankles crossed, peeking out from under the long skirt. Her head slightly turned and angled up, her eyes dreamy and unfocused..

It was those eyes that stopped the words in her throat. Achingly sad, longing for something, a little scared and a little lonely. She stared at Jacob in awe and some trepidation because he could see her secret with those artist's eyes.

"It- It's beautiful," she stammered.

"You're beautiful. I just draw what I see."

He tore the sketch from his book and handed it to her. "It's yours."

"Wow, thank you," Alice said, touched by such a lovely gift.

She knew what he was doing when he came over to sit by her on the sofa. She knew what he wanted when he leaned toward her. His lips covered hers, soft, seeking, gentle. His tongue touched her lower lip and she opened her mouth on a sigh.

His arms were around her, one of his hand caressing the back of her neck. Alice heard herself moan softly as he deepened the kiss and pushed her down on the soft sofa.

The two times Alice had sex in college had been rather perfunctory. The young man to whom she gave her virginity had been a considerate lover, making sure that he aroused her body sufficiently and gave her a couple of orgasms before the "ouchie" part. She'd slept with him again a week later and while the orgasms had been nice, they weren't anything better than she could do with her own hands.

And that's what made Alice stop Jacob. His hand in her panties wasn't as arousing as Edward's lips on her ankle had been.

Jacob was pleasant enough about her refusal, straightening her clothes and helping her to her feet when she said she ought to get home. The drive back was filled with about the art they'd seen on their various travels, pleasant conversation as if they'd never had those moments on the sofa.

Jacob stopped his car in her driveway and turned to her. "I hope you'll go out with me again, Alice. I had a great time tonight."

She unbuckled her seat belt, trying to think of a kind way of saying, _Maybe but probably not. _Jacob was a nice guy and she was sure he'd make wonderful boyfriend material, but he deserved more than someone who was faking it.

She ended up giving him a noncommittal smile and he seemed to understand. "Good night, Jacob," she said, opening her own door and stepping out. She watched as he reversed the car, giving him little wave as he drove off down the street.

Edward was sitting on the steps, still working on gluing her flowerpot back together. Her plant was gathered back together, its split stem held upright by a splint consisting of pencils bound around it with a rubber band and it was sitting in Rose's _fishbowl_? Rose adored that goldfish.

"Jesus Christ," she burst out. "Where's the _fish_?"

"In the bathtub," said Edward, as if that was a perfectly normal place where a goldfish might be. "I couldn't find another bowl large enough to hold your plant until the glue dries and I can put it back into the pot."

Alice ran inside, heading for the bathroom, noting that her flowers had been stuck in a juice glass. She yanked back the shower curtain and sure enough, Rose's goldfish was swimming lazily around the bottom of tub, seemingly enjoying his large vacation home. Edward had even put his little castle in the bottom of the tub.

"See, he's fine," Edward said from the doorway.

"Where's Rose?" Alice asked.

"Still walking. I'm thinking of basing a _Forest Gump_ sequel on her."

Alice brushed by him, her intention to go upstairs and change out of her dress, but she was suddenly arrested by Edward grabbing both of her upper arms. "I can smell him all over you," he hissed. "You _reek_ of his scent."

"Let me go," Alice wriggled against his grip.

"Did you fuck him?" Edward demanded.

"Excuse me?" Alice gasped.

"Did. You. Fuck. Him?" Edward's eyes were green flames, lasers boring into hers.

"What if I did?" Alice flung at him. "It's none of your business."

"The hell it isn't," Edward spat, and kissed her.

It was a punishing, brutal kiss that instantly softened into passion. Alice threw her arms around his neck, straining on tiptoe. Edward grabbed her bottom and lifted her up until their faces were at the same height and Alice threw her legs around his waist, kicking to free them of the long skirt.

Edward broke his lips away from hers with a groan and kissed his way down to her throat. She tilted her head to the side, giving him easy access and let out a sharp moan when his teeth pierced her skin.

"You're _mine_, Doc," he snarled. Tuning, he strode into her office, Alice still wrapped around him. He swept the papers, the computer off the table, and Alice didn't care, even as she heard her computer smash on the floor. He laid her down on the cleared space.

"If you're going to say 'no', do it now, Doc," he rasped, " because if we go any further, I don't think I'll be able to stop." He licked at the blood that had trickled down her neck from the two tiny punctures in her throat.

"Don't stop," Alice said.

He grabbed the bodice of her dress and ripped it apart, all the way down to the hem. Alice lay back, wearing only her panties and the sleeves of her ruined gown. She had a moment's anxiety as he took in her body with hungry eyes. She'd been underweight when she was turned; "scrawny" would be describing it kindly. Her breasts were small with tiny, pale pink nipples, nothing like the women in the few pornographic photos she'd seen.

"Oh, fuck me, you're so perfect," Edward ground out, bending to seize a nipple with his lips. Alice wasn't prepared for the shockwave of pleasure that ripped through her body. She cried out, her hands grabbing on to his back, her nails digging into his flesh as he yanked her panties off her hips, his fingers finding her core, delving, exploring.

He released the nipple and reached down to unfasten his pants, tearing the button off in his haste. He shoved them down his hips, enough to free himself from their confines.

"I can't wait," he rasped. He grabbed her ankles and flung them over his shoulders. "Hang on, Doc. This is going to be a very bumpy fucking ride."

He rammed into her and Alice gave a cry of shock which quickly turned into pleasure as he began to hammer into her with the pace and force of a jackhammer on speed. He cupped a hand behind her head to keep it from banging on the table, a hint of sweetness in this storm. She gripped the edge of the table below her hips to hold herself in place, the wood cracking under the pressure of her hands.

An orgasm crashed through her and she screamed. It seemed to drive him into a further frenzy. Suddenly, the table collapsed beneath them, sending them crashing to the floor. Edward didn't even pause. He groaned in orgasm, thrusting through it with the same urgency. Male vampires didn't ejaculate and weren't tied to a single orgasm per session like human males. They could orgasm multiple times and would keep going until they were fully sated. For some, that could take all night and Alice had the feeling Edward was one of those.

One of the pieces of the table had landed at an angle. Edward flipped Alice over, and draped her body over it, slipping his hands around her hipbones to pad them from the table's hard edges. Alice herself had lost the power of movement, every nerve stunned and quaking, her muscles turned to pudding. He thrust into her from behind, his fingers seeking out her clitoris. She wasn't sure where one orgasm ended and the others began. She was drowning in a pool of sheer pleasure, the likes of which she had never even imagined existed.

She heard him rasp out her name and shudder, going still. Alice tried to sit up. He put a hand on her back to stop her. "Don't think about going anywhere, Doc. I'm not done with you yet."

Edward scooped her up and strode for the stairs, taking them three at a time, stopping at her bedroom door to turn the knob. He kicked it closed behind them and gently deposited Alice on her bed. He pulled the remnants of her dress off her arms and tossed it in a corner and began to pull off his own clothes. Alice could only gape because he had the body of a god, almost too perfect to be believed. There wasn't much time to study it because he was on top of her in an instant. She reached to caress him and he knocked her hands aside. "Be very still, Doc. Don't move."

Slowly, he kissed his way down from her throat, taking a lengthy detour at her nipples, and then proceeded down over her stomach. "Be very still," he whispered again. Alice tangled her fingers in his silky hair, but he pushed her hands away again. "I mean it, Doc. Don't move. Don't touch me. I mean to fuck you slow and sweet this time and if you touch me, I'll lose my control."

She closed her eyes and gripped the headboard to keep her hands away from him. His tongue, _oh God_, his tongue ... it was so incredibly difficult not to thrust her hips up to meet his mouth. She was sinking back down into that sea of pleasure, unable to think, unable to breathe, unable to do anything but _feel._

He slid back up her body, entering her slowly, inch by inch, nudging his way inside with small thrusts. "Ah, fuck you're so _tight._" Alice bit out a moan, her head falling back in ecstasy. "Jesus, you're so sexy when you come," Edward groaned. "The things I want to do to you ..."

As promised, it was slow and tender. Edward pulled one of her legs up over his hip and thrust into her at an angle that hit her sweet spot every time. Tears flowed from her eyes and the only way she could explain them was a reaction to sheer pleasure overload. He bent and licked one of them off her temple. "I could spend years discovering all of your tastes," he whispered, his breath on her ear causing her to clench around him. They both moaned from the feeling. Alice bit her lip, her fangs puncturing the tender flesh. Two little beads of blood appeared and that broke Edward's tenuous control. He licked them off, sucking on her lip as he rammed into her, both of them crying out at every thrust. Alice arched her neck and bit into his throat, the taste of his blood sending her into another endless spiral of pleasure.

Hours later, she wasn't sure how many, Alice sat up in the bed and grabbed his discard shirt from the floor. She pulled it over her head.

"Mmm," hummed Edward, tracing lazy circles on her back. "Where are you going?"

"Shower," Alice said. She had to play it cool, act like this had meant nothing more than a casual fuck. She walked over to her dresser and retrieved some clean clothes from the drawers. "Shut the door behind you on your way out, will you?"

He looked very confused. "Doc, what-?"

"We don't have time to do any treatments tonight," she said. "Tomorrow evening, okay?" She strolled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. It wasn't until she was in the shower where the falling water would disguise them that she let the tears fall.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter 6

..

..

_I am not yours, not lost in you,_

_Not lost, although I long to be_

_Lost as a candle lit at noon,_

_Lost as a snowflake in the sea._

_You love me, and I find you still_

_A spirit beautiful and bright,_

_Yet I am I, who long to be_

_Lost as a light is lost in light._

_Oh plunge me deep in love—put out_

_My senses, leave me deaf and blind,_

_Swept by the tempest of your love,_

_A taper in a rushing wind._

- Sara Teasdale "I Am Not Yours"

..

..

One of the things that Alice disliked about being a vampire was the way they woke after a day's sleep. Humans had the luxury of stumbling around half-asleep for a little while until they shuffled to the coffee pot and prepared themselves to meet the day. Not so for vampires. Theirs was an instant plunge into cold clarity. This evening, for Alice, it meant instant regret.

Rose was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, her eyes sad and compassionate. Alice went over and crawled into her lap. Rose rocked them silently, rubbing Alice's back.

Alice wished she could blame it on being "swept away" by the moment, or even blame it on Edward for seducing her, but she wasn't a hormonal teenager in the back seat of a borrowed car. She was a grown woman who had to own her mistakes. As mistakes go, it was an extremely pleasurable one, but a mistake it was.

She dissolved into Rose's comfort, Rose who never judged her or rejected her. Rose, who loved her unconditionally and would always be there for her. She wished she could stay here forever but she had to face him. Had to play it off as "being a vampire" but pretend that she had gotten her fill of him and didn't want to do it again. Had to pretend she didn't care.

She dressed simply in a set of gray velour lounge clothes, the color reflecting her mood. She went downstairs to get her "breakfast" and her eyes goggled to find a new desk against the wall, instead of the crushed dining table. It was very large with multiple shelves and a new computer sat atop it. The screen saver was a black screen on which butterfly flitted around, leaving her name in script in its path.

"Evening, Doc."

Alice whirled. Edward stood behind her, a mug in his hands, which he offered to her with a flourish. "Your breakfast."

Alice took the mug. She was speechless.

He gave her one of his crooked grins. "I figure I owed you a new computer. Luckily the hard drive was salvageable, so I transferred all of your files from your old system to the new one."

"Thank you," Alice said. She took a sip of the blood.

"No problem," Edward said. "Let's take the night off, Doc. What do you say?"

"Well, I don't know ..." She hedged, unsure what he was getting at.

"Come on, Doc. The night is young and the city belongs to the dead." His grin was so infectious, she couldn't say no.

"All right, let me go tell Rose, and then I have to change." Alice found Rose in the living room, her embroidery hoop in her hands. She looked up to Alice and nodded, apparently having overheard them.

She went up to her bedroom and grabbed the first outfit she saw: a silver-colored silk shirt and a flirty thigh-length skirt. After donning it, she spun in front of the mirror just to watch it bell out around her legs. She pulled on a pair of black stockings but didn't bother with the garter belt since they usually stayed up on their own. A pair of Ferragamo silver crocodile heels and tiny matching handbag completed the outfit.

Into the handbag she put the things her mother had taught her that she should always carry: her ID, a credit card, lipstick (in Alice's case, lip gloss) and a twenty pound note. Her mother had told her that she always had to have twenty dollars on her person, lest she be arrested as indigent. God only knew where her mother had picked that up but she was very insistent about it, asking Alice every time she left the house if she had the money. Alice smiled fondly, sadly, her eyes drawn to the small framed photo of her parents and herself, taken before the cancer had began to eat her alive.

She shook off those thoughts like cobwebs and went to join Edward. He gave a low whistle of appreciation as she came down the stairs. "You look hot, Doc."

"Not so bad yourself," she replied, admiring the black Armani suit he wore. "Do you even _own_ anything besides suits?"

Edward chuckled. "No, I don't. I never quite assimilated into American culture in regards to casual dress."

They headed out to the car, Edward holding the door for Alice before seating himself in the drivers' side. she realized suddenly that both he and Jacob had an American-style vehicle with the drivers' side on the left and wondered if you had to have some sort of permit for that here in Britain.

Edward was still on the subject of clothes. "For most of my existence, a man showed his wealth and status by the clothing he wore. The wealthy were somewhat dismayed when factory-made clothing allowed the masses to dress like their 'betters'. Which, of course, is why logos became important and as well as obvious details like Christian Louboutin shoes' red soles."

"I bet you'd look hot in a pair of jeans," Alice said. The words flew out before she could stop them.

"Hmm," Edward said. Maybe I'll have to buy a pair to see if you approve. But don't ask me to wear them in public. Denim was the clothing of miners and I still haven't got used to seeing everyone wearing it."

"You are a snob," Alice teased.

He shrugged. "I'm the son of a goddess incarnate. What do you expect?"

"Where are we going?" Alice asked. She'd had her mind on the conversation and hadn't noticed how far into the city they'd driven.

"You'll see."

Minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of a night club and Alice was instantly alarmed. "Edward, I don't want to-"

"Relax, Doc. It's just a human club."

She was relieved. He opened her door and they walked to the front door. There was a long line that stretched down the block, but of course Edward wasn't the type who ever waited in line. He caught the eyes of the doorman who instantly unhooked the velvet rope for them. "Good evening, Mr. Masen. Good evening, Miss."

The music was low and pulsing and the lighting dim. They went straight to the VIP section where they were immediately given one of the best tables, with a view of the dance floor. The waitress handed her a key on a lanyard, explaining that there was a drawer on the side of the table in which Alice could lock her purse. Alice thought that was a really neat idea.

"Come here often?" she asked Edward, after the waitress also greeted him by name.

"Not as much lately," he said. "It used to be my ...hunting ground when I was in London. Come on, Doc. Let's dance."

The dance floor was crowded, Edward chose a place not far from their booth and pulled Alice against his body. Their hips rolled in time to the low, pulsing beat of the music. Alice lifted her arms to his shoulders and he traced his hands down her side until they rested on her hips. Alice bit back a moan.

She got lost in the moment. She didn't know how long they moved together, as one song flowed into the next and Edward's hands caressed her. All of it was sensual, the throbbing beat, the bodies writhing around them, the smell of human blood and sweat in the air. Alice turned around, fitting her back to Edward's body, twining her arms up around his neck. His hands left her hips to trace over her torso, down her sides, up to her arms, all places that it was perfectly acceptable to touch in public, but Edward turned her entire body into one large erogenous zone. The scent of her arousal sweetened the air.

Without warning, Edward scooped her up and dashed back to her table. He yanked on the drawer, breaking it open, too impatient to bother with the key. He snatched her little purse up and dropped it on Alice's lap and they were out of the club in a flash. Some of the humans may have felt them go by as a sudden gust of disturbed air but Edward moved too fast for the eye to see.

He set her on her feet beside his car and kissed her frantically, like he hadn't seen her in years and she as about to disappear again. His lips moved to her throat, down over her shirt to her nipple which he sucked through the cloth, leaving a damp spot behind. He hoisted her up, propping her against the car. Her legs went automatically around his waist.

It was Edward who called things to a halt. "Ah, dammit Doc, I can't fuck you in the parking lot like a cheap date."

Alice was so worked up she would have allowed him to fuck her in the middle of St. Peter's Basilica while the Pope said mass. "I don't care," she said.

"I do," Edward replied. "You're a lady, Doc, and you deserve the respect of a proper bed with soft sheets against your skin, not cold metal and strangers' eyes."

Alice looked around and sure enough, they were drawing a small audience of people who openly gaped. Oh, Lord... Alice dropped her legs from around his waist. "Let's go home," she suggested.

He shook his head. "I told you we were going to have a night out on the town."

Cold sanity returned. Wasn't she supposed to be turning him down? For all his words about respect, she knew she was just a casual fling for him. She had to keep reminding herself. Soon, he would get bored and move on to a woman with more experience, with a rounded, womanly body like he said he preferred. She was already feeling the heartbreak and missing him, even though he hadn't left her yet.

"I've got an idea," he said. "When was the last time you laid outside to watch the stars?"

She thought back but couldn't remember an occasion. Astronomy was one of the few subjects that didn't really interest her.

"Come on, Doc." He grabbed her hand and pulled her across the street where a park lay cloaked in shadow under the elderly trees. Alice paused to take off her shoes and they ran hand-in hand over the soft, cool grass. Edward found a spot he liked in a clearing and the took off his coat and spread it on the ground for Alice to lay upon. It was the little, considerate things like that which made it so hard to keep her heart closed.

"Look, there's the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt." He pointed out the constellations and told her a few stories about the patterns seen by ancient people and the stories that went along with them.

He change the subject suddenly. "Speaking of stories, Doc, what's Rose's story?"

"What do you mean?"

"All right, let's start at the beginning. How did you meet?"

"You know about Phoenix House, right?"

Edward shook his head.

"It's one of the Queen's projects, a home for fledglings whose sires have abandoned them. Unfortunately, it's more of a problem than most people realize. That's why the Queen passed the law that sires are responsible for their fledglings for a year after their change and any crimes they commit, the sire is just as guilty. But there are vampires out there who think it's fun to create new vampires and watch them try to figure out how to survive, or wreak havoc. The ones that are found alone and are... able to be rehabilitated, shall we say ... are sent to Phoenix House. The Queen herself changed me but I lived there with the other fledglings because she didn't have the time to devote to teaching me all I needed to know. Rose was there, too."

"She was abandoned?"

"Yes. She was in a car accident in a remote area with her teenage daughter. Someone found them and changed Rose, but left her daughter to die." Alice swallowed. "Rose's wounds were relatively minor, so she crawled out of the car to get help and passed out in a culvert. She- she died of the virus."

Edward winced. After a human ingested vampire blood, it was best to kill them quickly because letting them die of the virus was a horrifically painful, lingering death that could take days as the body reformed itself, destroying and expelling unneeded organs and tissue. No wonder Rose was so strange. That kind of pain and trauma was enough to drive most people who suffered through it insane.

"Rose and I were room mates at Phoenix House. We became friends and after I was able to leave, Rose came with me."

"Does she talk to you?" Edward asked.

"When something needs said."

"She seems to have adopted you as a replacement for the daughter she lost."

Alice shook her head. "Not a _replacement_, but she does think of me as a daughter and I'm glad. I had a really hard time right after I was changed, missing my family so much. My parents are wonderful people and we were very close. She filled that need I had for a maternal figure. It's more like I adopted Rose, not _vice versa._"

"Did she influence you to start work on discovering why some fledglings have personality changes?"

"In part. I saw a lot of it at Phoenix House so I wondered what all of the cases had in common. There has to be some pattern, but so far, the only thing that seems to be in common is that almost all of them had a traumatic change, and the potion of gifted fledglings seems to be slightly higher."

"Does Rose have a gift?" Edward asked. His interest as piqued. Some humans had special gifts in life and when they rose as vampires, those gifts were sometimes magnified. There were also those who'd had no gifts in life or were unaware that they'd had them and discovered them after the change. Not many, though. Not many gifted humans escaped the hands of the US government.

"Rose is able to, um, to _sense_ things sometimes. She knows when the people she cares about need her. It's not completely reliable because the future isn't always set in stone. She can see something happening and then the person might change their mind and do something else, leading to an entirely different future. There are some things, though, that are going to happen no matter what choices a person makes. It will lead to the same end, one way or another. She calls those 'immutable', things that cannot change. She knew her daughter was going to die on that day. That's why she drove, instead of her daughter, trying to prevent it from happening, but you can't prevent the inevitable. She doesn't always see bad things coming, especially if the person who caused them did so on a whim."

"No wonder the Queen wants the two of you to be in the safety of the castle."

Alice lifted her chin. "Rose is a hella strong fighter and I'm pretty capable with a sword. We're fine on our own."

He rolled over to look down at her. "I have another question, Doc. Answer it and I'll answer one of yours, no restrictions."

That was an offer she couldn't pass up. "All right."

"Why don't you drink from live donors?"

Alice closed her eyes. Why couldn't he have asked something else. "Because my control is poor," she confessed. "That's why I worked so hard on trying to find a preservative formula that we could stomach. Every time I fed, they had to pull me off the donor. I- uh, I hurt some people."

Edward's eyes glittered at her. "I could help you with that."

"I'm fine the way things are," Alice said firmly.

"Doc, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures of being a vampire. There's nothing like fresh, hot blood from the vein. Nine thousand years and I still can't get enough of that feeling."

"How did you survive so long?" Alice asked, struck anew with wonderment at how incredibly ancient he was.

He rolled back over to face the stars. "It's as I told Bella. I skimmed along on the surface of life, never getting attached to anyone, or any place. The world is a big place, Doc, and there's a new adventure around every corner. The fatal flaw in most of our kind is that we love and lose over and over again. That grief erodes us, like water on stone. I sought pleasure, not love."

Alice took a deep breath. "Here's my question: Did you ever have any fledglings besides Emmett?"

"Yes," Edward answered tersely. She waited for him to speak but he didn't elaborate any further.

"Do I know any of them? Why aren't they registered?

"Because they're dead, Doc."

"Oh," she said softly. "So you did form some attachments."

"I suppose you could say that."

"You really don't want to discuss this, do you?"

He sighed. "No, Doc, I don't. Not right now. I'll tell you someday. Just ... not right now."

"Okay," she agreed.

They arrived home shortly after midnight. Edward followed her upstairs, followed her into her room, standing behind her, his hands on her upper arms, his lips on her neck. He reached to unfasten her skirt and Alice put her hand over his to stop him. "No, Edward," she said softly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his face the picture of confusion. "I don't get it. You were eager enough in the parking lot."

Alice was intensely grateful that vampires couldn't blush. "I'm sorry about that. I lost my head for a while."

He ran his lips down her neck. "I'll make you lose it again."

"No, Edward. We can't."

"Bloody fucking hell, are we back to _this_ again?" Edward rolled his eyes and thrust his hands through his hair.

It was easier to get angry than to deal with her complicated emotions. "Stop being so childish, Edward. You look like you're about to throw a tantrum."

"Childish? You're the one who can't own up to the fact that she's an adult woman with needs."

"I had no problem with any 'needs' until you came along." Alice felt choked by that bitter truth.

He looked startled for a moment and slipped back into anger. "As flattering as that is-"

"Why are you doing this?" she demanded. "You won. You had me. Move on."

He seemed taken aback. His face softened. "It isn't like that, Doc."

"It's _always_ like that for you!" she shouted. "You told me that yourself, all that stuff about not getting attached, skimming on the surface, looking only for pleasure. Except for Bella."

"I haven't thought of her all day," he shot. "She's lived in my thoughts since I met her, tormenting me night and day until I was ready to end it all. And now I've suddenly had two evenings where she didn't even briefly brush through my thoughts. Why do you think _that_ might be?"

Alice was thrown off-kilter. "I don't know. Maybe the treatments are working."

"Guess again."

They stared at each other and Alice was the first to look away. "Stop teasing me, Edward."

"Teasing you? What in the blue fuck do you mean by that?"

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know what I'm saying," she spat. "Give me the goddamn courtesy of owing up to it. You're toying with me."

"Doc, I'm not. I swear I'm not."

"You love Bella," she screamed, the tears she had dammed up pouring from her eyes as her indifferent facade collapsed. "I don't want to _be_ with a man who doesn't love me, who _can't _love me because his heart is already taken. I don't want to be a cheap substitute, or what you 'settle for' because you can't have the one you want."

"Jesus Christ, Doc," he said quietly.

"_Don't call me that!" _Alice spun and ran for the stairs, her heels clattering. She burst out the front door, her chest heaving from sobs. She didn't know where she was running, she just had to get _away._

Across the street sat a white van. Its door opened and Jacob emerged, holding a wooden baseball bat. Alice was so startled that she skidded to a halt, staring at him open-mouthed. "Jacob? What are you doing here? With a _bat_?"

A strange, semi-hysterical thought floated through her head. _They don't even play baseball in England._

"Hi, Alice," Jacob said. And swung the baseball bat into Alice's head.


	7. Chapter Seven

A/N: This chapter contains violence, some of which is sexual in nature.

* * *

><p>Chapter Seven<p>

_.._

_.._

_...I can write the saddest poem of all tonight._

_To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her._

_To hear the immense night, more immense without her._

_And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass._

_What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her._

_The night is full of stars and she is not with me._

_That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away._

_My soul is lost without her._

_As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her._

_My heart searches for her and she is not with me..._

-From "Saddest Poem" by Pablo Neruda

..

..

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaalice. Mary Aaaaaaaaaaaalice.."_

Pain. Her head. Agony.

Open eyes. Bright light. More pain.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaalice. Mary Aaaaaaaaaaaalice.."_

Who was that who kept calling her name? She didn't recognize the voice.

_Wham!_ Someone hit her across the face. The pain was so intense that it dampened the sound of her scream, turning it into a squawk. Male laughter.

She tried to open her eyes again. Water hit her in the face. When it touched her head, oh bright silver agony.

She managed to open her right eye. Her left one didn't seem to be working. Two forms, blurry, shifting, making her nauseous from the motion. Vampires weren't supposed to get nauseous, just like they weren't supposed to be able to faint. She was breaking all kinds of new ground.

_Wham!_ She was hit again and might have blacked out for a moment from the pain.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaalice. Mary Aaaaaaaaaaaalice.."_

She tried to focus. One of the forms swam nearer, a face. Dark hair. She blinked hard. "Ja- Jacob?" she sputtered through split lips.

"Yep." He seized her chin between cruel fingers. "You with us, Alice?"

She didn't understand. She stared at him and he slapped her again. "Wake the fuck up!" he growled.

She tried to wipe the water and blood from her eyes but her hands wouldn't move. She looked down. Tied to a chair. Ankles bound, too.

The other man came into her focus range, someone she had never seen before. He was tall with thin white-blond hair tied in a ponytail, his blue eyes sparkling with malice. "Here's how it's gonna be, girly. You answer our questions, we won't hurt you any more. You refuse or say you don't know, we'll beat the shit out of you."

"You're already half dead," Jacob said cheerfully. He held a square mirror in front of her. Alice gasped. The side of her head was a pulpy mush, her face so bruised and swollen that she couldn't open her left eye. Her left ear didn't seem to be hearing very well, but maybe it was merely swollen shut. She hoped so. Her mouth was torn and bruised. Blood was everywhere, bright red paint over her mangled head.

"But look at it this way," Jacob said. "You were studying brain injuries, right? This will give you first hand knowledge of the subject."

He laughed. The son of a bitch _laughed_.

The other man swam back into her line of vision. "Who is taking Caius's spot as head of the Volturi?"

"I don't know," Alice said and the promised blow landed on the injured side of her face. The pain was monstrous, a mushroom cloud of agony.

"I'll repeat the question," the man said, his voice pleasant and even. "Who is the Queen going to appoint to take Caius's place?"

Alice was afraid to speak. He drew back his hand. "We don't talk about things like that!" Alice cried. "She didn't tell me."

He punched her in the gut. Alice's breath whooshed out of her on a groan. She looked up at Jacob who was watching her with amusement. "H- How c-could you?" she forced out through gritted teeth.

He crouched down so that he was on eye level. "It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, actually. I was supposed to talk you into going on another date and just never bringing you home, but you made it too easy. I had to grab the opportunity since that big blond bitch was out of the way. Sorry that the last words you said to your boyfriend were so acrimonious, and I'm _really_ sorry I didn't get the chance to fuck you."

She stared at him.

"What, are you surprised I knew about the fight or that I know a big word like 'acrimonious'?" He grinned at her, that playful, infectious grin that had convinced her to go out with him. "I bugged your house when you went to put the flowers away on our first date. That's why I was in the van, listening."

He tilted his head, listening to something she could not hear. "Listen, Alice, you are in a shit-load of trouble here. If you think a couple taps on the head are bad, wait until Bree gets a hold of you. That girl _lives_ for causing other people pain. Your only chance is to talk. Tell us everything you know about the Queen's defenses, her plans. Everything."

"You were in the castle," Alice rasped. "You saw everything."

"No, I didn't. I was spying that day you knocked me down the stairs but I didn't get a chance to map out the place or plant my bugs. And, by the way, you had this comin' for that." He hit her so hard that the chair tipped over and she fell to the floor sideways. A soft whine escaped her lips, the only sound she could make in the face of such pain, a tsunami of agony.

_I'll go mad,_ she thought, and it gave her a shimmer of relief, the possibility of escaping, if only mentally.

She saw two pair of feet enter the room, a pair of leather loafers and a red pair of Jimmy Choo heels. Jacob hauled her upright and after her head stopped spinning, she was able to make out the face of the man, Laurent. She had seen pictures of him, and though she had never met him in person, there was no mistaking that thin face with its razor-sharp features. The woman at his side must be Bree. She couldn't have been more than fifteen or sixteen when she was changed. She was petite and her chin-length bob did nothing for her round, moon-like face. She looked at Alice in the same manner she might regard a cockroach, her lip curled up in disgust.

"Is this the Queen's midget egghead?" Laurent asked.

"Yes, sir, Mr. President."

"President?" Alice repeated, incredulous, but everyone ignored her.

"A bit dinged around the edges, isn't she?"

Jacob shrugged. "Just explaining the interview process, sir."

Laurent snickered. "Come with me, Jacob, we need to talk. Peter, stay here, guard her." They left the room, murmuring in low voices to one another. Bree gave Alice one last sneer (or perhaps her face was permanently stuck that way) and followed them, closing the door with a sharp bang.

"Aaaaaaaallll alone, Mary Alice," Peter said, and his tone made Alice's gut go cold. He pulled out a knife and pressed a button. The blade shot out with a soft _snick_. He slid it under her bindings but took no care in whether it cut rope or flesh. Alice looked at her bleeding wrists and wished she could die of blood loss like a human. He cut her legs free, slicing through rope, stockings and skin, and hauled her to her feet. Her legs would not support her and she fell, striking her head on the chair. Peter laughed; she heard it in the gray fog that the pain created.

He picked her up and tossed her onto a table, her legs hanging over the edge. "Now we're gonna have some _real_ fun, sugar," he purred.

Alice tried to scream but it came out as a soft croak.

He flipped up her skirt. "Oooh, Mary Alice, you naughty girl! How did you know I like my ladies to wear stockings?" He used the knife on her panties, thankfully holding them away from the skin as he cut them apart.

Panic. She tried to lift her hands to fight him off, to kick with her feet, to do _anything_ but all she managed were the feeble, ineffectual movements of a turtle on its back. A strange sense of _deja vu_ hit her and she remembered suddenly where she had felt this terrified helplessness before: in nightmares she'd had as a child, long ago, in which she'd tried to run, tried to fight but it was like swimming through peanut butter.

She heard a zipper and she prayed, _Oh, please, God let me die..._

"_PETER_!" a voice roared from the doorway. It was Laurent, and he was enraged. "What the fuck do you think you're _doing_?"

"Uh, I-er, I didn't think you would care," Peter stammered.

"You didn't think I'd care if I had a rapist piece of shit in my crew?" Laurent grabbed the knife from Peter's hand and knocked him down to the floor. "You sick motherfucker."

Alice couldn't see what was happening, but she heard gurgles and a scream that was abruptly cut off.

Laurent stood, brushing ash off his suit. He walked over to Alice and glanced at her lower body, checking her for injuries. "Are you all right?"

How could he possibly expect an answer to that question?

"I'm sorry about that," Laurent said. "I know you won't believe me, but I genuinely _am_ sorry. I would have never left you alone with him if I thought he would try something like that. If there's anything I hate, it's a rapist."

He scooped her up and carried her across the room to a cot by the wall. He deposited her on it with surprising gentleness. "I'm gonna get a doctor in here to look at your head. Those bone chips have got to come out before your body starts healing or you'll be in a hell of a mess."

And with that, he left, shutting the door behind him. Alice waited. She should be bursting into tears right about now.

Nothing.

Maybe she was still in shock.

She tried to sit up and could only manage to lift her shoulders a couple of inches before collapsing weakly. Maybe her brain was more damaged than she realized.

Despair. Utter and complete despair. She had no illusions they would want to keep her alive after they tortured enough information out of her. She'd crack, of course. There was only so much a person could take. But she didn't think she knew enough to help them. She silently blessed the Queen for not wanting to "bore her with the details" when she visited. When they figured out that she wasn't just being brave, that she genuinely didn't know anything, they would kill her. She hoped it would be quickly.

_Edward, oh, Edward_... Jacob was right. The last words she'd said to him were bitter, angry. She wished she could have told him ... She wasn't sure. Maybe she'd tell him that she thought he was a better person than he realized. Maybe she would have told him that she cared. But it didn't matter now because she'd never get the chance to tell him anything.

* * *

><p>Edward watched Alice's retreating back as she ran out of the house, slamming the door behind him and he pulled at his hair in frustration. Argh, why did he always have to say the wrong thing, especially when it mattered most?<p>

He dropped down onto the sofa, burying his face in his hands. Goddamit. He wanted to get drunk. He wanted to break something. He wanted to fight someone. Anything to exorcize this frustration, this anxiety.

He heard a clatter at the kitchen door. _Doc? Maybe she came back_. He rushed to the door and saw Rose staggering inside. His jaw dropped in shock and he rushed forward to assist her. Someone had beaten her bloody, tried to kill her from the looks of it. "Alice!" she gasped, speaking with effort through a mouth full of blood and broken teeth.

"She's not here," Edward said. He scooped Rose up and carried her into the living room, depositing her on the sofa. "I'll get you some blood." She caught his arm as he turned to leave, her eyes desperate. "NO! Alice ... taken."

"_What_?"

"Was patrolling," she choked. She grabbed a tissue off the table and spit broken teeth into it, clearing her mouth.

_Patrolling,_ Edward thought. _That's what she's been doing with all those 'walks.'_

Rose's words were garbled but Edward managed to make them out. "They jumped me. Supposed to kill me, get me out of the way. They wanted Alice. Heard radio call, Jacob Black's voice. Said he had taken Alice." Rose let out a shuddering sob. "I didn't _see_ it. Why didn't I see it?"

_Oh no, no, oh Jesus Christ no ..._

"Radio distracted them. Was all I needed." Rose fell back against the sofa cushions. Edward ran into the kitchen and was back in an instant with a few bottles of blood. Cold, but he imagined she wouldn't care. She needed the energy immediately to start healing.

Her fingers were mangled and she couldn't manage the screw cap. He twisted it off for her. "Rose, did he give any indication where they were taking her?"

"No." Rose gulped down the contents of the bottle. Edward opened another and handed it to her.

"_Can you see_ anything?" he asked urgently. "Anything at all."

Rose closed her eyes and concentrated. "Dark," she whispered. "Pain."

"She's still alive?"

Rose's eyes filled with tears. "I don't know _when,_" she said.

Edward handed her the last bottle he had fetched and yanked out his cell phone. He hit the speed dial. Two rings, and then a voice on the line. "Victoria, Alice has been kidnapped." He was surprised at how calm and steady his voice sounded.

* * *

><p>The house was full of people, the Queen and her personal guard, along with all the members of the Volturi she could get on short notice. The Queen had a map spread out on the table in front of her.<p>

"Fuck this," Edward snarled, pacing like a caged tiger. "I need to go look for her!"

"Edward, you stay right where you are for the moment," the Queen ordered. "We need to be systematic about this."

"The longer we wait, the further away they could take her." Edward thrust his hands into his hair and pulled.

"I know," Victoria said softly. "But we have few resource and we have to use them wisely." She highlighted areas on the map. "I've already called Randall, Tia and Charles. They're on foot patrol, spreading out in concentric circles from this location, trying to pick up a scent. Stefan, Tanya, Randall, I want you to to spread out to Heathrow, Gatwick and Standsted in case they head for the airport. I doubt they'll fly commercial, so keep an eye out for private planes. Luton, City and Southend will be taken by Charlotte, Carmen and Eleazar. Keep your noses in the air, people. You're looking for these scents." The Queen passed around vials containing little squares of silk. Since vampires had no fingerprints, the only identifying feature that they could not change was their scent. During the registration process, a sample was obtained and kept in the archives. Unfortunately, the rebels who had taken over the tower in Italy had destroyed the main archives. The only samples that were left were from vampires changed in the last five years but fortunately, Jacob was part of that group.

Edward looked at Rose, who sat on the sofa stock-still, her face blank with grief. "Rose?"

She looked at him.

"Rose, do you see _anything_, anything at all?"

She closed her eyes. "A room, white walls, a cot."

"Is there a window? Can you see any details, anything that might help us pin down her location."

Rose shook her head. "No windows."

"Fuck." Edward raked his hand through his hair again.

"Marcus? Got anything yet?" the Queen asked.

Marcus looked up from Alice's computer, the computer she hadn't got to use yet. "Yeah, I've got an apartment registered to Jacob Black, 128 New Street, City."

"That's mine," Edward grabbed one of the swords out of the case the Volturi had brought and strapped it to his back. He had to hand it to them, the Volturi stocked some fine hardware, made by a centuries-old Japanese vampire who claimed they were _Nihon-to_ katanas made in the old Samurai tradition. Edward wasn't sure about that, but he knew a fine blade when he saw one and these swords were exquisitely made, perfectly balanced and sharp as razors.

He left the house, hearing the Queen still assigning airports and sections of the city to the few who remained. Before he pulled out of the driveway, he reached up under the seats and retrieved the matched pair of .45 semi-autos he had taped under the seats. He checked both to make sure they were fully loaded and laid both of them on the seat beside him.

Edward drove like a man possessed, weaving in and out of his lane to pass other cars, breaking every traffic law known to man. As he drove, he dialed every number he could think of, every friend and acquaintance in southern England, begging for their help in the search. It helped keep him calm. He was balancing on a fine edge of rage and panic.

He parked illegally in front of Jacob's apartment building and got out of the car, tucking the guns in the waistband at the small of his back and slinging the sword over his shoulder. With one had tug, he broke the security door. The doorman took one look at the man striding toward him, clad in an Armani suit, a sword strapped across his back, sunglasses hiding his eyes and he knew he was in trouble. He bravely stepped up, holding his hand aloft. "Stop right there, sir. You can't come-"

Edward nailed him hard with a mental whammy that left the man frozen in spot, staring blankly into space.

Jacob's apartment was on the third floor. Edward pulled out both guns and flipped off the safeties. He listened carefully for any sounds within as he soundlessly crept up to the door. It seemed empty. He kicked the door open and strode inside, guns at the ready, just in case. He gave each room a brief check and then settled into his search. The place was vacant, undisturbed with Jacob's clothing and other possessions still in place. He apparently had intended to come back when he left this evening.

He started with Jacob's computer first but found nothing but games, porn and a few innocuous looking files. He broke open the CPU and pocketed the hard drive in case Marcus could find something on it later. He began rifling through the papers, dumping drawers, moving clockwise around the apartment, leaving nothing unturned, moving so fast that he was a blur of motion, going faster as his frustration grew.

In the kitchen, he found a note pad by the phone, the top page blank, but depressions left behind on the paper beneath. Jacob, it seemed, had a heavy hand with the pen. Edward grabbed an ashtray and dumped it on the page, and then blew softly to remove most of the ash. The letters that had been written on the missing sheet above were as clear as day. "_Laurent-_ _Biggen Hill 10 pm"._

Laurent was in Europe? Edward dialed his phone and didn't wait for the person who answered to say hello. "Laurent is here," he said, and disconnected.

Biggin Hill airport. It had to be, despite Jacob's piss-poor spelling. A small airport used mainly for business traffic. Edward himself had flown into it a few times. Edward left the apartment, not bothering to shut the door behind him. He passed the still-stunned doorman and felt a twinge of guilt for hitting the poor guy so hard. A cop was beside his car, preparing to write a ticket and Edward gave him the same treatment. He didn't have time for gentleness.

He jumped in the Bugatti and floored the accelerator. His anxiety climbed as he drove. He'd find her. He had to. It was so horribly familiar, this feeling. He had felt it as he searched for Bella that evening long ago, a similar situation.

He had to stay calm, focused on the goal. He couldn't let himself think of the horrible possibilities. He couldn't let himself think that he might lose his Doc. He couldn't let himself think of the things he'd never said to her but should have. He listened to the squealing of his tires as he wove in and out of traffic and the blaring of horns from surprised motorists and tried to clear his mind.

A security gate guarded the parking lot of the airport. Edward floored it and his Bugatti crashed through the wooden arm stretching across the road. He jumped out of the car and ran toward the square brick building so fast that those who ran to arrest the driver never saw him. They found only an empty seat and a still-running engine.

He skirted the building and headed for the hangars in back. A whiff of scent ... _ALICE!_ There was a plane on the runway, accelerating for take-off. He could run faster than a plane on the ground, but the plane was already far ahead of him, past the mid point of the runway. He cut across the tarmac, across the grass, running harder than he had ever run in his life. He was now directly behind it ... just a little closer, a little more and he'd be able to grab its tail fins. If he could catch it, he could sling the plane off the runway and prevent it from lifting off, or he'd just cling to the damn thing and hold on until it landed. He put on a last, desperate burst of speed as the plane's nose left the ground and leapt at the tail. His fingertips brushed it. He fell, skidding across the pavement, rolling to a stop on his back where he could watch as the plane soared off into the black sky, its lights winking merrily at him.

"_ALICE!_" he roared. Windows shivered and birds for miles around were startled out of their trees.

* * *

><p>"They took her back to the States," Edward said. He was back at the house, despondent, sitting on the sofa with his face in his hands.<p>

"How do you know that?" the Queen asked.

"It's what I would do," Edward replied, his voice muffled. "Get her as far away as possible so they can interrogate her at their leisure."

"They filed a false flight plan," Marcus said, his eyes still fastened to the computer. "They were supposed to be headed to France."

"Maybe the FAA will investigate an unplanned flight into the US," Charlotte offered.

"No dice," Edward said. "I doubt they'll have their transponder on and they'll probably fly in under radar and land at a private airstrip."

The Queen cursed.

"My plane will be ready for takeoff in an hour," Edward said. He raked a hand through his hair. Stood. Paced. Sat down. Stood. Paced.

The phone rang. Everyone in the room froze in place and stared at it. Edward lifted his eyes to Marcus, who nodded and pressed a few keys on the computer. Edward picked up the phone.

"Hello," his voice was low and gruff.

"Hi, Edward!" Jacob Black replied, his voice cheerful. "Was that you running behind our plane?"

"Yes."

"Oh, _so close_," Jacob said, false sympathy coating his words. "Anyway, I'm sure you know how this ransom shit works. Tell the Queen if she wants her little egghead back, she has to cede the US to us as our territory."

"I don't negotiate with terrorists," Victoria spat.

"It's a habit she'd better pick up or she'll get Alice back in a very small box."

"How do I know she's alive? Let me speak to her."

"No can do," Jacob chuckled. "Just between you and me, she's pretty fucked up and after Peter had a go at her ... Well, she hasn't talked much."

Edward closed his eyes. "Jacob, listen. I'm rich beyond your wildest dreams. If you bring Alice back, I'll set you up so well you'll make Bill Gates look like a welfare case. And I can promise you no repercussions. Just bring her back."

"Outta my hands now," Jacob said. "I turned her over to the big bosses. They decide what happens to her now. I'm just the messenger."

"I have a message for _you_," Edward said, his voice low. "When I find you- and trust me, I _will_ find you- _you will die screaming_."

"I doubt it," Jacob said, that cheerful note in his voice again. "but let's not waste time with empty threats, okay? The Queen has twenty-four hours to announce the US belongs to us and call her people out. After that, Alice will lose a limb every hour. We're pretty sure that by the time we get to the fourth limb, the first one we started with will have started to grow back. How about that? Like a starfish. It could go on forever, left leg, right leg, left arm, right arm."

"Jacob-"

"That's all, folks. You have our demands. The ball is in your court." Jacob disconnected and Edward had to restrain himself from throwing the phone at the wall.

"Edward, think about this for a moment," the Queen said. "They've just told you they aren't going to kill her."

"I think she'll wish they had," Edward said in a low voice. He grabbed his sword and strapped it to his back.

"Take me with you," Charlotte offered.

"And me," Garrett said.

Rose stood, saying nothing, but her intentions were clear.

Edward gave a terse nod to each of them. "If you slow me down, I'm leaving you behind. You do as I say, got it?"

All of them nodded. Edward headed for the door.

"Edward," the Queen called, rising to her feet. She went over to him and engulfed him in a hug. Edward awkwardly patted her back, unused to being embraced in that fashion. "Give that hug to Alice for me when you find her," she said.

Edward didn't reply. He patted her arm and strode out the door, his companions following. He told them to meet him at the airport and drove off, tires squealing.

As his taillights vanished in the distance, Garrett said softly, "_And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him._ I almost feel sorry for those guys who took Alice. They have no idea what they've unleashed._"_


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter 8

..

..

_Where are you, my beloved? Are you in that little_

_Paradise, watering the flowers who look upon you_

_As infants look upon the breast of their mothers?_

_Or are you in your chamber where the shrine of_

_Virtue has been placed in your honor, and upon_

_Which you offer my heart and soul as sacrifice?_

_Or amongst the books, seeking human knowledge,_

_While you are replete with heavenly wisdom?_

_Oh companion of my soul, where are you? Are you_

_Praying in the temple? Or calling Nature in the_

_Field, haven of your dreams?_

-From "A Lover's Call" by Khalil Gibran

_.._

..

Jared Cameron, the owner Midnight Desires, New York's hottest vampire club, was dismayed to see Edward striding through his door, armed to the teeth, a trio of people equally bristling with weapons following. "H- hello, Lord Masen," he said nervously, reaching under the bar with seeking fingertips.

Edward whipped a sword off his back and held the tip of the blade to Jared's neck. "Press that button and it'll be the last thing you ever do."

Jared dropped his hands and stepped back.

"Kill the music," Edward commanded and Jared obeyed, hitting the power on the stereo.

The inhabitants of the room began to realize that something was amiss. They began to rise up off pieces of furniture, off limp human bodies, in various stages of undress.

Since the rebels had taken over, the atmosphere in vamp clubs had changed descending into an endless orgy of blood, sex and death. Donors and fang bangers no longer went home at the end of the night a pint low and pleasantly sore. Many of them never went home at all. They were running low on the willing and now had to to lure the unsuspecting in off the streets. Bodies were carelessly discarded, no effort made to disguise the cause of death. The human authorities were convinced they were dealing with some kind of "vampire cult" and the media were having a field day with the disappearances and unsolved murders. The few Volturi left in the city were overwhelmed by the sheer scope of the crimes, unable to hide them all.

Edward was known to be firmly in the Queen's camp and Jared knew Garrett was Volturi. The two women, he did not know, but it was obvious that the four of them meant trouble. The Queen's law was back in town and there would be hell to pay.

Rose stalked over to the club doors and locked them, standing in front of them with crossed arms. Charlotte and Garrett flanked her. This was their third club in as many hours. They all knew the drill.

Edward seated himself on the top of the bar and lit a cigarette. "Tell me where to find Laurent, and I will spare your lives."

Silence met this statement. Edward blew a few smoke rings and looked down at the lone man seated at the bar. "What about you?"

"I ain't sayin' nothin'," the man replied dismissively, lifting his shot glass of blood to his lips. Edward's sword flashed. The shot glass hit the bar with a clatter and ashes gently rained down over the stool where he'd sat, filling the slowly rising depressions where his weight had settled the padding.

Pandemonium. Screaming, shouting, crying, the crowd pushed and stumbled toward the door only to find Rose, Garrett and Charlotte, their swords at the ready, blocking their way.

"Next!" Edward snapped.

Garrett shoved forward a girl that had hastily risen off the body of a young man in an NYU sweatshirt.

"Caught in the act." Edward said with a smile that chilled the blood of everyone who saw it. "Where's Laurent?"

"I don't know!" the girl babbled. "Really, I don't. I'd tell you if I know, honest!"

Her head hit the floor with a thud. A fledgling, apparently, who would take a bit of time to crumble into ash.

The crowd pressed closer to the walls, desperate to put as much distance between themselves and Edward as possible, everyone trying to hide behind someone else.

"Next!" Edward said and the crowd collectively cringed back.

"What, no volunteers?"

The only sounds were weeping and begging.

"Fuck this," Edward muttered. The threw his cigarette to the floor and jumped down off the bar. His sword bit through the air, slashing, swinging. Chaos reigned as people tried to run. They never got far. His sword flashed in the dim light. Blood and ash coated the floor.

_Five to one, baby_

_One in five_

_No one here gets_

_out alive..._

"Wait, wait, I know!" A woman in the back, attempting to hide behind a settee, screamed and covered her head with her arms.

"You know _what_?" Edward said. He was covered in ash, giving him a ghostly grey appearance, except for his eyes. His horrible, laser-like eyes. Where spots of blood had landed on his suit, clumps of ash had formed into macabre flowers.

"I know where to find Laurent," she sobbed.

"Talk," he commanded.

"There's this big meeting tonight. My boyfriend was invited."

"Where?"

"I don't know," she cried, cowering from the expected blow. "Ask my boyfriend!"

Edward pulled her to her feet by her hair. "Let's go see him, shall we?"

* * *

><p>Bree came into the room, drying her hands on a small towel. "As much as I hate to say it, I really think she doesn't know anything."<p>

Laurent swore.

"It doesn't matter," Bree said. "Her propaganda value alone-"

"She was the closest one to the Queen besides James," Laurent said, regretfully. "Her only confidant that we know of. Victoria seems to hold her cards close to her chest."

"Think she'll cave?" Bree glanced at the clock. Only three hours left until the Queen's deadline.

"I doubt it," Laurent said. "But it will weaken her to think of her poor little friend being tortured."

Laurent stood, plucking his suit jacket off the back of the chair and shrugging into it. Bree came over and straightened his tie. "You look very presidential," she said, the pride she felt evident in her voice and shining eyes.

He kissed her forehead. Where would he be without this woman? She was the one who had seen the golden opportunity presented by Lauren, that moronic little twit who'd stumbled onto something epic.

Bree had worked in a public relations firm owned by her father, learning the tricks of the trade at his knee since she was an infant. If he hadn't tried cheating the IRS by hiding profits, she'd probably be working there today. Her father had blown his head off in the family garage rather than face prison time, and the IRS had seized everything. Sometime shortly thereafter, Lauren had been changed illegally (she still wouldn't reveal her sire's name, even to Laurent) and had been an almost feral little thing, living on the streets, when Laurent had found her. It took a while for her to accept the safety and security he offered and more time before she regained the personality and intelligence he'd seen the promise of in her eyes.

He was sorry she wouldn't be at the meeting tonight because it was there he intended to announce that she would no longer simply be First Lady; he intended to appoint her as his Vice President. But someone had to stay behind to keep an eye on the guards, someone he could trust. He'd told them in no uncertain terms that if they so much as groped the prisoner, he'd kill them himself but he knew that while the cat's away, the mice will play. They'd do it if they thought they could get away with it.

He chuckled to himself thinking that Alice might actually prefer their attentions to Bree's. _Damn_, his beloved was sadistic.

"What's so funny?" Bree asked, smoothing his jacket.

"Nothing, love. You be good while I'm gone. No torturing the prisoner if I'm not here." He wagged his finger at her as he spoke.

She pouted. "Not even a little?"

"No, not even a little." Bree tended to get carried away and if he wasn't careful, she'd end up killing Alice before she could be used as a propaganda tool. He kissed Bree again. "If you're good, we'll work her over together when I get home."

Bree's eyes flashed with lust. "It's a date," she said.

* * *

><p>The rebels, as it turned out, were meeting in the back of a travel agency in SoHo. On the way, his phone rang. Edward fished it out of his pocket and sighed when he saw the Queen's name flash on the screen. He knew what this conversation would be about and he was bored already. "Yes?"<p>

"Edward, what are you doing?" Victoria said, anguish in her voice.

He'd let the monster inside him out of its cage for the first time in a thousand years, that's what. "Finding Alice," he said.

"That's one way of putting it. Another way would be to call it a "rampage". This isn't about finding Alice. This is about your revenge. You're killing the innocent along with the guilty, and you know that's not right. It's not what Alice would want. You ..."

Edward zoned out, watching the scenery around him, picking at his fingernails, glancing at his watch. "Thanks for the lecture," he said as they approached the one-story building where they'd been told the meeting was going to be held. "But I'm going to do what it takes to get Alice back as quickly as possible. If you don't like it, fine. Deal with me when I'm done." He gave a little smirk she would not be able to see but could probably hear in his voice. "If you _can_."

"Edwa-"

He disconnected and put his phone back in his pocket. Charlotte glanced back at him nervously from the front passenger seat. Edward knew this situation hadn't sat well with them. They weren't used to bloodshed, certainly not on the scale Edward was causing. But he had to give them credit: they'd stayed true to their word and obeyed his orders. Rose didn't appear to have the same crisis of conscience. Her demeanor was cold, impassive, even as she killed. Edward recognized in her a kindred spirit.

They were almost there. The monster within him danced with glee and anticipation. When had been the last time he'd given it free reign? He was thinking that it was during one of the Crusades. He'd been in Damascus when-

The car stopped. No time for strolling down memory lane. It was time to end this rebellion once and for all.

* * *

><p>Laurent was pleased. The meeting was going well. His "generals" were greatly impressed he'd managed to capture Alice Brandon and he was given a round of hearty applause. She was the first of what would surely be many high-profile captives and they needed to reveal her to their people in the most dramatic manner possible.<p>

Laurent revealed Bree's plan that Alice should first be vilified before they announced her capture. Her invention of the preservative for bottled blood had made her a popular figure and some people might be disturbed by her capture, and eventual execution, unless she was first turned into a Josef Mengele-type character with tales of gruesome and cruel experiments on captive rebels. By the time they were done, the people would probably be _relieved_ to have a monster such as Alice behind bars.

Liam was enthusiastic about the idea. He was in charge of recruitment and thought that Alice ought to be paraded at rallies. Laurent thought of executions in the old days, where the condemned was driven through the streets and the crowd could pelt them with rocks and rotten fruit on their way to the gallows. There might be an idea in that. Laurent made a note on his pad to have Bree look into it.

They moved on to discussion the possibility of creating something along the lines of a "Wall of Martyrs" on the website, which would have sad, inspiring tales, highlighting the cruelty of the Queen's oppressive regime and a memorial to Lauren, the Mother of the Revolution. Bree was going to love the idea.

Alistair's phone rang and Laurent was annoyed. Hadn't he specifically ordered that all cell phones be turned off before the meeting started? His own was laying silent on the table as an example.

Alistair frowned at his phone. "I have to take this. It's an emergency," he said, pressing it to his ear.

Laurent endured several _What_s and numerous _You're kidding_s before Alistair finally hung up and turned to Laurent with shock on his face. "Two of my clubs, and one of Jared's, destroyed. Hundreds dead."

"That's terrible," Laurent said, not terribly interested.

"It was Edward Masen, of all people," Alistair continued. "He and a small crew of Volturi."

_That_ got Laurent's attention. Suddenly, the empty seats around the table took on a new, sinister meaning.

Alistair had the stunned attention of everyone around the table. They'd all heard the whispered legends about Edward. "He killed them all, everyone inside, and then burned the places to the ground. Why would he do such a thing?"

"Oh, shit," Laurent said, summing up the situation quite eloquently. "Everybody out. Disperse. Don't go to your homes. Get out of the city as fast as you can."

The idiots just sat there and stared at him. Laurent rose and started to gather up his papers when he heard a distant scream. "Run, you fools!" he shouted "Go!" Now, they were finally moving, all of them trying to squeeze through the door at once, fighting and struggling and cursing, panicking, trying to climb over one another. Hopefully, they would slow Edward down.

Laurent kicked a sufficiently large hole in the meeting room wall and crawled through it to the supply closet on the other side. He opened the door a fraction and saw the hall was empty of everyone but his generals, all of them running toward the front of the building, the worst possible direction. Laurent blessed them for their stupidity and ran for the back door, taking the alley to the street behind the building. There he jumped in front of the first cab he saw, yanking its passengers out and ordering the cabbie to get him to La Guardia. He had to lead Edward as far away from Bree as possible.

How had Edward found them? Laurent didn't know, but he guessed someone had talked. He needed to call Bree, and tell her to evacuate, just in case Edward learned about the farm house on Long Island where they were holding Alice. He fumbled in his pockets and realized, with a sensation of sinking horror, that he'd left his phone on the table. He'd have to wait to call her until he got to the airport and hope that Edward would be occupied by his generals long enough. Impatiently, he shouted at the driver to hurry but the streets were blocked with traffic.

_Bree_, he thought desperately. Oh, God, if something happened to her ...

* * *

><p>Laurent was the only one who made it out of the building. Only moments after he exited the back door, Rose took up a post there, her sword at the ready and none made it past her.<p>

Edward slashed through them like an avenging angel, the leadership of the rebellion falling before him like mowed wheat. He opened a door and found a group of huddled, terrified daymen

"Don't worry," he told them with a smile, a smile that made all of them cringe and cry out at the sight. "You're safe. Code of vampire war: daymen are never touched. Even if your vampires don't obey the law, we do." He shut the door again and headed down the hallway.

The surviving rebels were huddled in a conference room, surrounding a man who had gotten stuck trying to squeeze though the hole in the wall that Laurent had made. Edward's sword flashed again, disregarding pleas, promises and threats. He pulled out the man who was crammed into the hole, throwing him to the floor. "Hello, Alistair. Bet you're wishing now that you'd gone on that diet before you were changed."

"No! No!" A middle-aged woman in a brown pantsuit flung herself in front of Alistair, her arms spread, trying to shield him from Edward. His dayman, loyal to the last. Alistair tried to gently push her to the side. "Sophia don't!_"_

"I won't let you hurt him!" the woman shouted.

"Alistair, you need to get her out of the way," Edward warned.

Alistair pulled Sophia into an embrace, leaning his over her shoulder to kiss her on the cheek. He whispered something in her ear and gave her a hard shove. She stumbled and fell to the floor as Edward brought the sword down. Her agonized scream rent the air. She pawed through the pile of hot ashes as though she might find something within which could restore him.

Edward ignored her and shuffled through the documents on the table. Garrett came into the room and looked down at the sobbing Sophia. Edward didn't look up as he pointed his sword at her. "Get her out of here," he commanded.

"Come on, love," Garrett said gently and tried to pull Sophia to her feet. She punched at him, crying, swearing, pounding him on the back when he tossed her over his shoulder and took her to the office with the other daymen. They immediately surrounded her, comforting her, burning Garrett with the hot hate in their eyes. He wanted to say something. He wasn't used to being thought of as a bad guy, but he didn't know what to say. They weren't going to accept that their vampires had deserved to die. Grief trumped politics any day. In the end, he simply shut and locked the door.

In the conference room, Edward picked up the cell phone that was sitting on the table in front of the head chair, which had been hidden under a sheaf of papers. He scrolled through the contact list and smiled. Jackpot. He pulled out his own phone and called Marcus. "Can you use GPS to locate a phone by using the phone number?" he asked. If there was a way, Marcus would know it.

It turned out that Marcus didn't need to use GPS. The Social Security number used on the phone's account was linked to a property deed on Long Island. The number was a fake, of course, originally assigned to a baby in Palm Springs who had died of SIDS. It was a common vampire trick, reusing those numbers, and it was likely that the property also belonged to Laurent. He gave Edward the address and they were on the road within minutes.

Garrett drove as though he were auditioning for NASCAR. This was the first solid lead they had, and if they could get there before the people at the house were warned, they might have a chance at finding Alice.

* * *

><p>Bree <em>loved<em> TiVo. It was the best invention of her lifetime, in her opinion. She never missed _The Young and the Restless_ now. She curled up on the sofa and settled in for a marathon of the episodes she'd missed during the week. She had no idea anything was amiss until someone said her name.

A gray man stood in the doorway, a sword held loosely by his side. No, not really gray- his skin, hair and clothes were thickly coated with ash.

She scrambled for the house phone to hit the panic button.

"Don't bother," Edward said. "They're dead."

Bree retrieved her sword from under the sofa and unsheathed it. "You're Edward Masen, aren't you?" she smiled and tossed her head, confident in her skills. Laurent had taught her himself and she could always beat the guards when she practiced. "I can't wait to be known as the one who killed you."

Edward kicked the sofa out of the way, sending it flying to crash against the wall. Bree swung her blade with a high-pitched battle cry.

Real sword fights are not as spectacular or prolonged as those in the movies, especially when the fighters are skilled. In real life, a sword fight ends in mere moments. Bree was marginally talented with a blade but Edward had thousands of years of experience. Bree looked down in shock at the sword running through her gut and fell to her knees, overcome by the pain. Edward didn't even pause, ripping the sword from her body and slicing off her head in one efficient motion.

Before her head had even hit the ground, he turned and left the room. He started down the hall toward the kitchen and heard Garrett's shout. "I've found her!"

The three words he'd wanted to hear the most. _Oh, thank God, thank God. _Edward ran toward the sound, ran like he'd run to catch that plane. He skidded to a halt in the door way and horror swept away his joy. He looked at the body on the table and at the bloody implements surrounding it.

_Oh, Jesus, no..._

Garrett was trying to free her hands. "That key, over there," he gestured. The manacles were iron, old-fashioned, heavy and rusted, coated with Alice's blood. He grabbed the skeleton key from the hook by the door and tried it in the manacles himself, unfastening them and scooping up Alice's shredded body.

Alice moaned and tried to push him away with her mangled fingers, her head drooping to the side, giving him a close look at her unhealed and untreated head wound.

Edward caught her wrists to try to still those injured hands and she panicked at being restrained again. "Doc, it's me. It's Edward."

"No, no," she groaned, struggling feebly. "Edward, get out of here! Run!"

"They're dead, Alice. You're safe." Edward pulled the blanket from the bed in the corner and covered Alice's form with it. He wasn't sure why he did it. She didn't need to be kept warm, after all, but it gave him some small comfort.

Rose's face was streaked with pink tears. Her sword dropped with a clatter to the floor and she rushed forward to embrace Alice, but her hands fell away because she wasn't sure where she could touch her without causing pain. She settled for speaking. "Alice, honey, it's Rose," she said. "I'm here, too. You're safe now. You're safe with us and we're going to take care of you."

It was the most Edward had ever heard Rose say.

"Garrett, try to find me a few live donors," Edward said. "Have them meet us at the Plaza." He carried Alice to the car, carefully settling inside as not to jar her, holding Alice's tiny form on his lap. Charlotte followed them from the house, a can of lighter fluid sill in her hands. Garrett settled in the passenger seat, troubled that there was no answer at the numbers he called. Charlotte started the car and they pulled away just as smoke began to roll from the house's open door.

Alice had fallen asleep, in Edward's arms, dozing fitfully. Edward couldn't take his eyes off of her. She woke with a moan whenever the car hit a bump. "Dammit, Charlotte, do you have to hit every goddam pothole from here to the city?"

"Sorry!" Charlotte called, "Sorry- I'm trying. The roads are really shitty out here."

They arrived in front of the Plaza Hotel about an hour before dawn. Edward climbed from the car as carefully as possible, trying not to move Alice any more than necessary. The Plaza staff are very discreet and didn't even blink when a gray Edward came through the doors, carrying Alice, wrapped in a blanket, her head wound concealed. Even the elevator operator didn't bat an eye. But then again, this was New York. They probably saw stranger things every day than a man covered in ash carrying a woman wrapped in a blanket.

Edward entered his suite and laid Alice on the bed. He glanced up at Garrett. "Any word on those donors?"

"I've got two," Garrett said. They're on their way."

Edward noticed his troubled expression. "What?"

"Edward, I should have been able to get half a dozen in just a few minutes, but so many of their numbers had been disconnected or no one answered. That's not normal."

"Worry about it later,"Edward said. "For now, get the donors you have to get here as soon as possible and order them some refreshment. Alice is going to need a lot of blood."

Alice had woken. "Not live... " she muttered.

"Doc, this isn't any time to be arguing," he said softly. You need blood and you need it bad. All we have are live donors. I'll help you." He started cataloging her wounds, starting with the side of her head. He brushed away the hair as gently as he could and a curse slipped unbidden from his lips when he saw what he had to do.

"Laurent said he'd get me a doctor to take out the bone chips," Alice said dreamily. "He must have forgotten."

Edward's jaw set. He knew that if they weren't removed, Alice's head would heal over them but her body would try to push the chips out through the skull, an excruciating process that could take years as the body battled with itself, simultaneously tried to expel them by eroding bone and heal the wounds the expulsion caused.

Charlotte quietly offered a pair of tweezers from her purse and Edward took them gratefully.

"We'll have to get this dried blood off," he said, his voice gruff and low. "I can't see anything under it."

"I'll help," Rose offered.

Edward carried Alice into the bathroom. After a quick_ sotto voce_ discussion, Rose got into the bathtub first and Edward laid Alice's body on top of hers. Rose held Alice's head against her chest with one hand, and clamped down across her shoulders with the other.

Edward filled the ice bucket with warm, soapy water and soaked a wash cloth. "I'm sorry about this, Doc, it's going to hurt." He bitterly denounced himself for not thinking to grab some drugged blood from the bars they'd destroyed. He should have known Alice would need painkillers.

Rose moved her hand down to clamp over Alice's mouth when she let out the first ragged scream. Her iron grip kept Alice from struggling away, but it was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. Pink tears ran continuously down Rose's cheeks. She began to sing, calming Alice a little but unable to do anything about the pain.

Edward worked with grim speed. Every scream cut through him like a knife but he continued. He had to. Charlotte knelt beside him and wiped the tears from his eyes like a nurse might wipe the sweating brow of a surgeon.

Finally, an eternity later, Edward was finished. He dried her off the best he could and carried her back into the bedroom. Garrett tapped on the door frame, two humans with him, peering in over his shoulder, donors he had used himself in the past. The only two who were left, apparently. Later, they would tell him about the disappearances and confirmed deaths of his other regular donors, but for the moment everyone's focus was on the horribly injured woman lying on the bed.

Edward motioned them forward. The sooner he could get fresh blood into Alice, the sooner she could begin to heal.

He put the first donor in a light trance and bit gently into the man's wrist. As soon as Alice smelled the blood, her head instinctively whipped to find the source, her eyes alert and her nostrils flaring. But she closed her eyes and held her breath, turning to face away from the bright red temptation. "No. Put it in a glass."

"Alice, you need this." Rose coaxed. She sat down on the floor by Alice's head.

Alice had tears in her eyes, tears from how difficult it was to restrain herself. "I can't," she rasped.

Edward had never admired her more than at this moment. The strength it took for her to fight off her instinctive reaction was incredible. He, himself, would have been mad with bloodlust. He knew from experience. "It's all right, Doc, I won't let you hurt anyone."

"Please don't make me," she said.

"Alice, look at me." Edward caught her eyes and exerted his will. "You won't hurt him. You will drink. Don't bite. Just drink and trust me to stop you if it goes too far."

Alice sat up and accepted the dripping wrist. She latched onto it with desperate hunger, slurping greedily.

Garrett's mouth hung open. He stared at Edward with awe and a little fear. "You can control other vampires?" It was a talent unheard of, something which was supposed to be impossible.

"Sometimes," Edward said, but offered no other explanation. He watched Alice, stroking her back gently. After a few more minutes, he gestured for the other man to come forward, entranced him as same as the first, and bit his wrist. Edward held the bleeding wrist close to Alice's mouth, tempting her with another aroma, another flavor. As he'd hoped, she released the first with no hesitation and latched on to the second.

She released the second one voluntarily once her hunger was satisfied, her head falling back in a satisfied sigh. Unable to resist the sensuality of the moment, Edward leaned forward and kissed her, softly, sweetly. She smiled at him sleepily and he helped her crawl under the covers.

Edward tucked the blankets around Alice. It was strange, he thought. Vampires were not bothered by temperatures and when they were sleeping, they could be laying on a concrete slab in Antarctica for all they cared about comfort, but almost universally they slept in soft beds and covered themselves with blankets. Perhaps it was more a psychological comfort than physical.

He watched her sleeping for a few minutes, and then pressed a kiss to her forehead before rising and striding into the living room. Rose followed him, but only as far as the door, watching in case Alice should awake and be afraid.

Edward addressed her first. "I need you to take Alice home tomorrow evening."

Rose nodded, seeming unsurprised. Maybe she had seen his decision as soon as he made it.

"Garrett, Charlotte, I thank you for your assistance. I know that it was difficult for you, and I am grateful you saw the mission through. Go home with Alice and Rose."

"Where are you going?" Charlotte asked.

Edward's eyes glittered. "I have some loose ends to tie up."

"But, Alice-"

He interrupted. "Alice will be cared for. I have to do this."

He turned away from them and went over to the window, looking out over the dark expanse of the city. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number he hadn't called in years.

Bella answered, sounding a bit surprised. "Edward? Is that really you?"

"Bella, I need your help."


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

_.._

_.._

_He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?_

_He would not stay for me to stand and gaze._

_I shook his hand, and tore my heart in sunder,_

_And went with half my life about my ways._

- A. E. Housman

..

..

Emmett and Bella were waiting for Alice at the airport when her plane landed in London. Alice trudged down the ramp like a sleepwalker, Garrett and Charlotte close to her side, and Rose trailing behind her. She wondered if they thought she was going to make a run for it or something.

_He's gone._

She couldn't believe it. He'd left her. Abandoned her.

Rose had been the one to tell her, when she woke in that hotel room, that Edward had left. At first, her words had made no sense, but understanding slowly dawned with hard, brutal clarity. He had rescued her, fulfilled his duty, and now was off on his next mission, leaving her behind like yesterday's newspaper.

_He's gone._

He didn't care about her. Not even so much as friendship. Alice would have had trouble leaving so much as a casual acquaintance after such an ordeal, but he had walked away without a backward glance.

"Alice?" Bella peered into her face, her brows crunched together in concern.

Maybe he was just _incapable_ of caring about anyone. _Skimming across the surface of life_, he'd called it. How could she have forgotten that? She'd let herself believe in him, believe that there was something beyond the charming sociopath on the surface. She deserved this pain for her stupidity.

_He's gone._

She remembered how Rose had held her when she cried the morning after she'd slept with him for the first time. Rose had known. The pity in her gaze had been for Alice deluding herself.

"Come on, Alice," Emmett said gently. "Let's get you home."

She had no one to blame but herself. She'd known better than to fall for him.

_He's gone_.

She found herself in the living room of her cottage, sitting on her sofa. How on earth had she gotten here? She remembered a car, and then ... nothing. Had she fallen asleep? She blinked. Rose was holding a mug of warmed blood in front of her. Alice took it, but simply stared down into its contents.

"Drink," Rose commanded.

Alice set the cup on the coffee table. She wasn't hungry. She should be; her body still wasn't finished healing and she felt horribly weak, but she had no appetite.

"Drink," Rose repeated. She picked up the cup and pressed it into Alice's open hand. Alice didn't grip it and with a frustrated growl, Rose lifted it to her lips. Alice turned her head. She got up and wandered over to the window to stare out into the darkened street.

_He's gone_.

"Alice ..." Emmett laid a hand on her shoulder.

_Mary Aaaaaaalice. _Alice heard screaming and realized, dimly, that it was her own voice. Emmett stumbled back, his face bloody from where she had clawed him in her panic. She was crouched behind the sofa, her arms covering her face, with no idea how she had gotten there.

"Emmett! What in the world?" Bella checked her mate and then ran over to Alice and knelt beside her. "Alice! Alice, sweetie, it's okay! You're safe! You're safe!" Bella repeated the last two words until Alice's screams faded to whimpers.

Alice buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

Rose tried to draw her out of her hiding place but as soon as the hands constricted around her arms, Alice was thrown back into panic again, biting, kicking and clawing.

"Get back!" Rose barked when Bella and Emmett rushed to help. "Leave her alone."

Alice pulled her knees up to her chin. She was shaking like a leaf. She was ... she was staring up at a light and her head ...

She head voices. "... No, we can't call him ..."

" ... needs help ..."

"... Just give her some time ..."

Alice pressed her fists over her ears and wept.

* * *

><p>She woke in her bed, staring up at her pink canopy. She turned her head.<p>

Rose was in the rocking chair by her bed, motionless, silent.

Alice closed her eyes, shame washing through her like a dark wave.

"Don't think like that," Rose said. "No one blames you, Alice."

She said nothing.

The silence stretched between them.

"He felt like he had to do it, to make you safe again. He thought you'd always be a target unless he ... took care of it." There was no doubt who this "he" was, and Alice was grateful that Rose hadn't said his name aloud.

He hadn't even said goodbye to her.

She rolled over and buried her face in the pillow. She now knew one thing with certainty: Edward Masen was her true mate. That was the only explanation for this crushing agony at being parted from him. But she was not _his_ mate, otherwise he never would have been able to abandon her like this.

It would be almost comical if it wasn't so horrifying. Both of them, mated to people they could not have. She now understood his motivation to erase Bella from his mind, finally understood what he'd been saying when he'd told her that a_nything,_ would be better than this. Anything.

She wished she could cry. It might release some of this crushing agony in her chest, but the pain was too deep for tears.

"Alice?" Victoria's face swam into her line of vision. Her eyes held a sad understanding, sympathy, kinship. Victoria, more than anyone, would understand how Alice was feeling. She took a seat on the edge of Alice's bed.

"How do you _bear_ it?" Alice asked, her voice soft with wonder. She'd always admired Victoria as a strong woman but now she was awed. She hadn't had the faintest inkling of what Victoria had been going through, and now that she did, Victoria seemed superhuman. Alice had barely gone through 24 hours of this and already felt like she was on the edge of madness. Victoria had lived with it for years.

"You don't," Victoria said bluntly. "All you can do is try to survive one more day. Don't believe anyone who tells you that it gets better or that bullshit that _time heals all wounds_. It doesn't. This is the way it is. You either live with it, or you _don't_."

Alice saw her future: bleak, bitter years stretching in an endless expanse, a dark, lonely highway through a desolate wasteland. "I can't do it," she said. This was the hell that her faith had taught her to fear. Endless pain, for all eternity, but instead of fire, she was buried in ice, burning, aching cold with sharp edges that sliced into her every time she breathed.

"What other choice do you have? Suicide?"

Alice shook her head. "I can't do that." Even though she didn't believe vampires had souls to face punishment or earn reward in the afterlife, she still believed the Church's teachings in that regard.

"Hibernation?"

That was tempting. Just to fall into a long, dreamless sleep of decades and hope that when she woke, the pain would have dulled a little. Only, she knew it wasn't true. It would still be there, waiting for her. She shook her head.

"I wish there was something I could say." Victoria twisted the end of the sheet between her long, pale fingers. "But if there's a magical combination of words, I haven't yet heard it in years of accepting expressions of sympathy and platitudes. Just know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk, or even if you just want a companion in the silence."

"Thank you," Alice said automatically, wishing she could actually feel gratitude, but it felt like her entire capacity for emotion was used up in this misery.

"If it makes you feel any better, he probably won't come back," Victoria told her. "You won't have to see him again."

Alice wasn't sure whether that made it better or worse.

"I want you to see Dr. Carlisle."

Alice gave her a scathing glance.

"Not for Edward, but because of what you've been through. Rose told me about what happened when Emmett touched you."

If she could have blushed, Alice would have been scarlet. She looked away, fixing her eyes on the dresser on the opposite side of the room.

"Alice, there's no shame in it. You went through a terrible trauma. You need someone to help you cope with that."

"No," Alice said.

"You need-"

"I said _no._"

Victoria nodded. "All right. I won't push. Just ... think about it, okay?"

"Sure," Alice lied.

Victoria sighed and stood. "Call me, okay?"

Alice made a noncommittal sound. She rolled over onto her side and closed her eyes. When she reopened them, Victoria was gone, but Rose was back in her rocking chair, embroidering.

"You don't have to babysit me," Alice said. "I'm not going to throw myself into sunlight."

"I know," Rose replied. Alice heard the soft _pop_ of her needle punching through the fabric.

Fine, let her sit there. She'd get bored soon enough.

Alice's cell phone rang. _Sympathy for the Devil_, Edward's ring tone. He had programmed it in himself with one of his wry little smirks and it had made her laugh the first time she heard it. She swiveled her head, searching for the source. Her purse was sitting on the floor by her bed, the little silver handbag she'd carried on her date with Edward, probably still where she had dropped it after he followed her upstairs to try to seduce her.

_Please allow me to introduce myself, _  
><em>I'm a man of wealth and taste. <em>  
><em>I've been around for a long, long year, <em>  
><em>Stole many a man's soul and faith.<em>

She leaned down and scooped it off the floor, unzipping the bag to pull out the phone. His name flashed on the screen as Mick Jagger sang on.

_Pleased to meet you; Hope you guess my name._  
><em> But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.<em>

Oh, just to hear his voice one more time ... NO! She would not lie to herself any more, would not allow him to play his twisted little games with her any longer. Alice threw the phone against the wall, smashing it to bits before she could cave in to the longing. It took what little strength the had and she gasped into the sudden silence, her body shaking so hard that it rattled the bed frame.

Rose laid her embroidery aside with a sigh. "Why did you do that?"

Alice gaped. "You're kidding, right?"

"You need to talk to him," Rose said.

"Why? He has nothing I want to hear."

"Alice-"

"Rose, I don't want to be mean or rude or anything. I just ... Please, just leave me alone, okay?"

Rose sighed, but she left the room, carrying her embroidery hoop with her. She bent and scooped up the pieces of Alice's shattered phone and took them with her.

She heard the house phone ring and she pressed her pillow over her face. Rose would be in here in a moment, she predicted, the phone in her hand, offering Alice another bite of the poisoned apple. She pictured in her mind, clearly, refusing to take the phone from her. Hopefully Rose would see her decision and not bother trying.

She heard Rose's soft voice and then the clatter of the phone being replaced on its base. The sound seemed to break something lose within her. The dam of ice holding back her tears shattered and she sobbed into the pillow, sobbed until dawn came and she fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

><p>"Get up, Alice," Bella said. "We're going to the bridal shop to try on our gowns."<p>

Alice didn't answer.

Bella yanked the covers off of her. "_Up_, goddammit! You haven't left that bed in a week!"

"So? What's it to you?"

"Alice, so help me, if you don't get up, I'm going to call Emmett up here to _drag_ you out."

"He won't do that."

"I'll _cry_," Bella threatened.

Oh, Christ. Last time she'd done that, Emmett had bought a goddam textile mill. Dragging a ninety pound girl out of a bed would be nothing.

"Bella, please, just leave me alone," Alice pleaded.

"I can't," Bella said. "I made a promise, and I intend to keep it."

Alice didn't ask her to whom the promise had been made. She didn't want to hear his name. She sat up and dragged a hand through her tangled hair. She glanced up at Bella and saw that her chin was set in inexorable lines. There would be no talking her out of this one. "All right, Bella," she said. "Give me a few minutes to shower and get dressed."

"Twenty minutes," Bella warned. "And if you're not downstairs, I'm sending Emmett up to carry you out as you are."

"Okay, okay," Alice said. She heaved herself off the bed, pausing when a wave of dizziness swept over her. She saw that Rose had left a mug of warmed blood on the nightstand, as she did every evening. Alice ignored it. She yanked some clothes from her dresser drawers and went into the bathroom. Her reflection made her recoil in shock. Fuck. She hadn't looked this bad back when she was dying of cancer.

There was a bottle of Edward's favorite body wash in the shower stall. Alice grabbed it and flung it into the trash can before she could give into the temptation to open it and recall his scent. God, she used to love the way he smelled, like spices, and the cologne he wore enhanced it perfectly. He used to sing in the shower, too, his rich baritone rising in the Edward-scented steam-

_STOP IT_! She bit down on her knuckle until she drew blood.

She methodically washed herself, dried and pulled on a pair of jeans with a t-shirt. She used to love clothes, especially in bright, funky colors. Now, she didn't care what she put on, as long as it wasn't a skirt. Skirts made her feel too vulnerable now. She ran a brush through her hair and then slouched down the stairs.

She found everyone gathered in the dining room around Alice's computer. When Bella saw Alice, she quickly hit "pause" and they all turned to face her, trying to block the screen like kids caught watching porn.

"What is it?" Alice asked without much interest. She peeked around Rose's arm. Laurent's face filled the screen.

"Alice, I don't think you should watch this," Bella said.

"Maybe it will help," Emmett offered. Bella sighed and hit "play."

Laurent had been stopped in mid-sentence. His voice was strained and he looked as if the words were being pulled from him by force. "- didn't care about democracy or freedom. I just wanted the power for myself." A hand grabbed his shoulder and flung him back from the camera. He landed in the center of the floor, kneeling, his hands bound behind his back.

Alice gave a strangled little gasp when Edward appeared behind him, sword drawn. He drew it back and then moved too fast for the camera to record. Laurent's head flew from his shoulders but his torso remained kneeling in place. A macabre fount of blood spurted up in strangely jovial spurts from his neck stump.

"Ew!" said Bella and cringed back from the screen.

Edward kicked the torso between the shoulder blades and it fell down, out of view of the camera. He held his sword aloft and saluted the camera. "_Viva la Reine_!"

"Has Victoria seen this?" Rose asked.

Emmett shook his head. "I doubt it. It was just posted a few minutes ago."

Rose stood. "I'll call her."

"Are you okay?" Bella asked Alice.

Alice hadn't moved, hadn't breathed. She turned to Bella, her face expressionless. "Let's go."

Bella seemed to be doubting the wisdom of the proposed excursion now. "Maybe we should-"

"Alice needs to get out of the house," Emmett said. "Go on. It will do you both some good."

Bella had called a car service because she didn't know how to drive and Emmett wouldn't hear of them taking public transportation after dark. The service was dayman-run and the driver would serve as a bodyguard since Bella had flatly refused to allow Emmett to go with them. "You _can't_ see my dress!" she protested.

A sleek, black Mercedes idled in the driveway. Alice strode for the car. The driver got out and opened the rear passenger door for her and Alice thanked him. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Bella and Emmett kiss. Bella stroked his cheek when he drew back, a tender scene which sliced through Alice like a hot knife. She quickly got into the car, replying in monosyllables to the drivers' friendly chatter. He opened the door again for Bella, who slid inside, a soft, dreamy smile on her face.

Alice looked away, staring out the car's dark-tinted windows into the night. It was incredibly difficult to be broken-hearted and have to endure living with two people so deeply and obviously in love, and it was even harder not to resent Bella for having Edward's love as well. She tried to remain impassive, but it must have shown on her face.

"He doesn't really love me, you know," Bella said. "Edward, I mean."

Alice cringed at the sound of his name but said nothing.

"He thought he loved the _idea_ of me, but I was just a novelty, someone different from the ... well, from the women he usually hangs around."

Alice stared down at her hands, clenched so hard in her lap that she could smell the blood her nails drew.

"Alice, in many ways, Edward is still a kid, and he'll always _be_ a kid. He died far too young. As you probably already know from all your research, his brain hadn't even finished growing yet. He was just fixated on me as something he wanted but couldn't have."

"I _really_ don't want to talk about this, Bella."

"You need to," Bella insisted. "Why won't you take his calls?"

Alice ignored her.

"And his letters? There's a pile of them on your desk. I really don't think he would be trying this hard if he didn't care about you, Alice."

_As much as he's able to, anyway_, Alice thought. But it wasn't enough.

The visit to the bridal shop was much like Alice imagined Purgatory to be. Time dragged. Alice kept checking her watch, certain that the battery had to be low. _There's no way two hours could be this long_. The shop owner and her assistant carefully lowered Bella's bridal gown over her head and then proceeded to tuck and pin and lift and arrange folds until Alice thought she would scream. Bella squealed and gushed at the dress's beauty and how utterly perfect it would be for Emmett. She had chosen a design of Tudor influence (though white hadn't been a common bridal color in that era) as a surprise for him, a tribute to the time in which he'd lived. The heavy silk skirts were covered in embroidery, open in front to show an off-white underskirt, embroidered in white to match the material over it. The bodice had a low-cut, square neckline and huge bell sleeves hung down over ruffled and lace-edged undersleeves.

"Lovely," Alice said, trying to inject some enthusiasm into her voice.

She wished she hadn't spoke because the sound of her voice seemed to remind the shop owner that she existed and needed to be poked and prodded in a dress of her own. The dark blue, empire waist gown that Bell had chosen for her was floor-length and so Alice didn't suffer any skirt anxiety, but being touched so much was making her feel physically ill.

"I'm done," she announced, reaching back to unzip the dress. "I can't do this any more, Bella." She wished she smoked, because it would have given her an excuse to duck outside for a few minutes of respite.

"Okay," Bella said gently. "Okay, Alice, we can go."

The ride back was silent. Bella seemed to be lost in thought, chewing on her bottom lip as she stared out into the night. Alice felt guilty. Bella ought to have been at that shop with a girlfriend who could giggle and squeal with her and hop in excitement. (Had Alice used to do that? She couldn't remember.)

"It really is a beautiful gown," she said.

Bella smiled softly. "Yes, it is. And you look very pretty in your dress."

"Thanks."

"This has been a rough day for you," said Bella. She twisted her engagement ring on her finger as she spoke. "But, Alice, you can't hide away forever. "

"It's only been a week," Alice argued.

"It's been a month," Bella said gently.

Alice blinked at her, waiting for Bella to laugh or take it back as a joke. "What?"

"You haven't _left your room_ in a week. We'd been back in London for three more weeks, before that."

A hard chill of fear settled in Alice's stomach. How could she have lost that much time? What had she done during it? Was she going crazy, or had her brain been damaged permanently? A combination of both?

When they re-entered the house, Emmett scooped up Bella off her feet and kissed her like they'd been gone for months. Alice tried to ignore them. She took the stack of letters off the corner of her desk and headed up to her room, shutting the door before taking a seat on the bed. Her name was written in elegant, flowing script on the front of the heavy linen paper envelope. Edward's handwriting. She traced the loops and swirls. She turned the top one over and saw a wax seal on the reverse, featuring a small coat of arms, like the ring he wore on his pinkie finger. Yeah, no cheap OfficeMax lick-and-stick envelopes for this guy.

She opened her bedside drawer and fished around for the lighter she kept inside for the scented candles she loved to burn. She flicked it and touched the flame to a corner of the envelope. It was a moment before the heavy paper ignited, but it caught and burned with a heavy, bright flame. She tilted the envelope to direct the fire up the edge and the wax seal grew shiny from the heat before it shed a red tear. She dropped the letters in the trash can, the burning one on top.

She flopped back against the mattress, staring up at the canopy, her mind a careful blank. Her eyes grew misty- wait, not misty. _Smoke!_ She sat up and saw that the fire in the trash can had caught one of her bed ruffles and the flames were eagerly licking up the side of the bed.

Alice squawked and scrambled back, falling off the other side of the bed with a thump. Vampires had an instinctual fear of fire, even stronger than that of a human, and for a moment, she couldn't even muster a coherent thought. The fire had already spread from the bed ruffle to the comforter and was now introducing itself to the canopy.

Alice finally found her voice and screamed at the top of her lings, _"Fire!"_ She ran around to the bedroom door, skirting the wall as far from the flames as she could get and ran out into the hall. "Fire! Fire!"

She saw Bella, Rose and Emmett at the foot of the stairs, peering up anxiously at her. "_FIRE_!" she bellowed, feeling like she'd somehow stumbled into _Pleasantville_ where no one understood the meaning of the word. The smoke alarm began to beep and they were able to decipher _that_ particular message. All three of them scrambled for the door just as another alarm joined in with frantic, piercing beeping.

Alice ran to the linen closet started searching for the fire extinguisher. She threw towels behind her, knocked over bottles of lotion, conditioner and bodywash ... Where was the goddam thing? Her eyes were stinging and her ears hurt from the shrieking smoke alarms.

_There!_ It was at the bottom of the closet, behind the ancient pack of toilet paper Alice had purchased when she bought the house and had never opened. She ran back to her bedroom, pulling out the plastic tab on the trigger. Her entire bed was ablaze now, and the heat pouring from it was intense. She pulled the trigger, aiming low. White, smoky foam hissed out, smothering the flames where it hit but the extinguisher ran out long before she ran out of fire.

"Oh, shit!" she screamed, and in one of those bizarre, stupid things that people do when their brain is half shut-down from fear, threw the empty extinguisher at the flames.

She grabbed the framed picture off her nightstand, the only photo she had of her parents and ran down the hall toward the stairs, tripping and stumbling down them in her haste. She reached the bottom and started toward the front door when she remembered.

The box. Edward's box. The one containing the figurine of his mother.

She let out a whimper of fear, but didn't give herself a choice. She ran back up the stairs and down the hall to the room he had used. She grabbed the bed by the footboard and yanked it across the room to the closet. She stood on the edge of it and slapped her hand around on the shelf until her fingers brushed up against it. She shoved it under her arm and hopped down off the bed, racing for the stairs. Flames were pouring out of her bedroom door now and it was hard to run _toward_ the fire, but she had to in order to reach the stairs. She hunched low, trying to avoid the thick black smoke that stung her eyes. Thank God she didn't need to breathe.

She had almost made it to the staircase when her feet tangled in one of the towels she had thrown from the closet in her haste. She lost her balance and the box and photograph flew from her arms. Her head slammed against the wall and everything went gray and muted, even the piercing wails of the smoke detectors.

"Doc! Doc!"

She opened her eyes. Edward was over her, his hand cupping her cheek.

"Edward, you're here," she murmured.

"Yeah, Doc, I'm here. I'll always be here when you need me."

"Oh, Edward, I love you!" Tears dripped down her temples and onto her ears.

"Come on, Doc. We gotta get you out of here." He helped Alice to her feet. She tried to remember- _The box!_ She fell back to her knees, patting the floor until she finally felt it. She grabbed it and Edward scooped her up in his arms, carrying her down the stairs to the front door, which stood open. "Run, Doc," he said. But her knees wouldn't hold her upright. She fell, face-first, toward the porch floor and probably would have broken her nose if Rose hadn't caught her.

"Alice! Oh, thank God!" She pulled Alice away from the door, down the steps to the lawn where Bella and Emmett sat, clasped in one another's arms, watching the house burn with huge, solemn eyes.

"Why didn't you run?" Rose scolded.

"Extinguisher ..." Alice said.

"You stupid, stupid girl," Rose snapped, kissing Alice's sooty cheeks. "You could have been killed!"

"Edward," Alice said. "Where did he go?"

"Edward?" Rose stared at her oddly.

"He carried me out," Alice said.

Rose looked very, very worried. "Alice, I saw you ... You ran down the stairs and out the front door under your own power. Edward isn't here."


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

..

_I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;_  
><em>I lift my lids and all is born again.<em>  
><em>(I think I made you up inside my head.)<em>

_The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,_  
><em>And arbitrary blackness gallops in:<em>  
><em>I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.<em>

_I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed_  
><em>And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.<em>  
><em>(I think I made you up inside my head.)<em>

_God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:_  
><em>Exit seraphim and Satan's men:<em>  
><em>I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.<em>

_I fancied you'd return the way you said,_  
><em>But I grow old and I forget your name.<em>  
><em>(I think I made you up inside my head.)<em>

_I should have loved a thunderbird instead;_  
><em>At least when spring comes they roar back again.<em>  
><em>I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.<em>  
><em>(I think I made you up inside my head.)<em>

-Sylvia Plath, "Mad Girl's Love Song"

..

Jacob Black was too tired to be scared. His latest hideout was a small fishing shack in Costa Rica. He'd done everything right: used a fake passport, rented the place with cash, tried to make sure there was no way his name could be tied to anything. And Edward had _still_ managed to find him. He honestly couldn't understand it. It was like the son of a bitch could smell him from two countries away. Every time Jacob had been sure that he left no clues, no electronic trail, _nothing_, Edward would show up and Jacob would have to take off again. He was pretty sure that Edward was just toying with him, allowing him to flee and feel safe for a couple of days before showing up and starting the cycle over again.

But this was it. End of the road. He was exhausted. He was broke. And everyone else was dead. It might have been funny: he was probably now the president of the Vampire Union, simply by process of elimination. Even the lower-level guys were dead. Anyone who had signed the Declaration: dead. President of nobody.

Christ, he'd never bought into Laurent's anti-monarchist crap. He'd just joined the rebellion to impress chicks. He'd believed he could become somebody important by getting in on the ground floor of this new government, and for a while there, it really seemed like the rebellion could win this thing, or at least establish themselves as a legitimate nation.

Until Edward Masen got involved. Edward, a one-man army hell-bent on destroying anyone who had been even loosely associated with the rebellion. Jacob was a dead man walking. It was only a matter of time before his number came up. He'd had a while to come to grips with that. Death had always seemed an abstract concept, something that might happen to other people, but never to him. Until he was staring it in the face. And then concepts like "inevitability" were suddenly, starkly palpable.

He had no friends left. No one would help him, no one would risk becoming an enemy of the man rumored to be the oldest vampire on the planet. Jacob felt like a rabbit in the middle of a football field with hawks circling overhead, exposed, too spent to run, no place to hide, simply waiting for death to swoop down upon him.

He didn't even flinch when Edward kicked in the door.

Edward stood there, his body still greyed with the ash of the vampires he'd slain, a bag slung over his shoulder, a sword held loosely in one hand.

Jacob stood. All he had left was to meet death calmly, with dignity.

"Hello, Jacob," Edward said.

Jacob said nothing. He tilted up his chin and waited.

"I made a promise to you last time we spoke. Do you remember it?"

Jacob blinked. "No, can't say that I do."

Edward set the bag on the table and his smile chilled Jacob to the bone. "I promised you that you would die screaming. And I'm here to keep that promise."

* * *

><p>Alice flipped through her journal and tried to remember where she'd been for the past three days.<p>

It was happening more and more now and Alice was scared. She was losing large chunks of time, hours, sometimes days. She had started this journal to try to keep track, but some of the entries she didn't remember making and they didn't sound like her, disjointed, filled with rage. It was like there was Another Alice who was slowly taking over her life and she had no idea who this woman was who wore her skin.

Dr. Carlisle had once told her that vampires didn't usually go insane. She was pretty sure he was wrong about that. Her hallucinations of Edward were frequent, but she was careful to tell no one about them, afraid they'd stop. She couldn't have the real Edward, but she could have this one, and she didn't have to worry about Fantasy Edward breaking her heart.

A few days after the fire, she'd felt him slip into bed with her, his cool, naked skin against hers. "Hey, Doc," he whispered. His mint green eyes seemed to glow in the dim light as he looked down at her, his hair tousled as usual. Alice put her arms around his neck and that's when Rose came into the room, stopping short when he saw Alice embracing air. Alice dropped her arms, but Rose had already seen and was giving her an odd look that Alice couldn't decipher.

"Alice, Victoria is here to see you." Rose spoke slowly.

"Okay. Give me ten minutes," Alice replied. Rose backed out and shut the door. Alice rolled over on her side and smiled at Fantasy Edward. "Time to get dressed," she said.

"Pity," he replied. He traced her lower lip with a fingertip and Alice shivered at the sensation. She reluctantly rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie. She glanced in the mirror to make sure she was presentable and saw him standing beside her, lowering his head to kiss the side of her throat. Alice tilted her head back with a sigh, giving him better access. But he was gone. Alice blinked and looked around for him. Gone. Goddammit.

She left the bedroom and headed for the stairs. She didn't like this house. It was cramped and grim, the carpets worn flat in paths. It was temporary, the first furnished house they could get on such short notice. Rose was looking for a better place, but one they could afford, especially considering they had to replace all of their furniture. Alice's salary from the Queen was the only income they had.

Another benefit of the situation was that it forced Bella and Emmett to move into a place of their own. Bella would go bonkers living in a dingy place like this. Emmett had tried to get Alice and Rose to come live with them in the pretty little townhouse they had rented, but Alice refused. Living with a couple so obviously in love was painful. She secretly wished they'd go back to Italy and leave her alone, but Bella insisted she had to keep her promise to Edward to "take care" of Alice for him.

Victoria was in the living room, siting on the remarkably ugly couch, white with big chartreuse flowers. It sagged sadly, as if the weight of the memories of the people who had used it were too much to bear.

Alice shook her head. She had to be going nuts. Now she was anthropomorphizing the furniture. "Hi, Victoria," she said.

Victoria was wearing another of her dead mate's sweaters. (Alice wished she had something of Edward's to wear. It would be lovely to be enveloped in his scent.) She was far too pale, as though she hadn't fed recently and had dark smudges under her eyes.

"Hi, Alice," she said. She didn't ask how Alice was doing, probably because it was obvious from her own pallor and dark circles. "I have a job offer for you."

"What is it?"

"The Tower is back in our hands. Edward-"

"Stop," Alice snapped.

Victoria cringed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"I know," Alice said. "Just, please ... don't ..."

Victoria nodded. "I'm moving back into the Tower. You remember that the rebels burned the Council archives?"

Alice did. It had been a terrible loss. Thousands of years of vampire history, gone in one moment of thoughtless destruction. It reminded her that she'd lost her own library and all of her research. She'd had a back-up thumb drive that she stored the computer data on which she usually gave to a friend for safekeeping, but she'd had taken it home to update it and with everything that had happened, she'd forgotten it. Gone. And it was hard to bring herself to care.

"They put it all in a large pile to burn, but luckily, they were careless about it and just lit it and left it. There were some things on the bottom of the stack which survived. We've also found numerous scraps of text here and there."

"That's good," Alice said.

"I want you to come to Italy with me and work on piecing together what's left," Victoria told her.

Alice nodded. She had nothing to keep her here. "I'll do it."

To her surprise, Rose was strangely reluctant to leave London. She argued against it until Alice finally put her foot down and said she was going whether Rose came with her or not. Emmett and Bella, who still stayed with Alice, were delighted to go "home." They had a villa not too far from the Tower, and Bella felt she could fulfill her promise to Edward with frequent visits.

And so Alice found herself pending her nights in the basement archives room below the Tower, carefully piecing together bits of texts. It was tedious, exacting work, but it kept her mind occupied. She was given an assistant, Tyler, a polygot who had been changed for much the same reason Alice had: his brains. Since the majority of the texts weren't in English, it was necessary to have someone who could read the ancient Greek, Latin and Italian in which they were written to confirm that various pieces did, indeed, belong together.

Tyler was sweet and very kind to Alice. He'd been changed in his mid-twenties and had the kind of average looks and quiet demeanor which made him fade into the background. He was staying in the Tower, too, and slowly, Alice found herself spending more time with him, discussing the myriad of topics which interested them in front of the fire in the parlor, or even just reading in companionable silence.

It never dawned on Alice that he might have a crush on her until the night he suddenly leaned over and kissed her.

She gasped and recoiled. "Tyler! What on earth ...?"

"I really like you, Alice," he said.

"Tyler, listen, I don't think you understand. I ... I'm broken." _I hallucinate every day that my ex-mate is with me and I think I may have a split personality._

"No, you're not," Tyler replied with a shake of his head. "You're hurting right now, but you can be happy again. I know it."

"You don't understand."

She thought of what Edward had told her when she'd first agreed to help him. _"I know you can't understand if you've never felt it, but it feels like there's a massive, gaping hole in my chest. It never heals. And every day, something happens to tear at it a little more. On the street, I will see a woman who has her hair, or see chocolate in a confectionery's window and think of her eyes, or catch the scent of freesia as I pass a flower shop. I can't escape it and I can't live with it."_ Unless you'd actually experienced it, you _couldn't _ understand. It was like an amputee trying to describe phantom pain to someone who had all of their limbs, or trying to explain colors to the blind.

She felt a surge of irritation. She didn't need to deal with his shit on top of everything else. "It's not going to happen, Tyler," she said.

"I'll wait," Tyler said.

"You'll wait forever," Alice said bluntly.

"Do you like me, Alice?"

She looked away. "It's not that-"

"Please answer me."

"Yes, I like you, Tyler. As a friend."

He smiled. "That's a start, then."

She tossed up her hands. "It's your heart. I tried to warn you."

The good thing about Tyler was that he didn't push. He made is feelings clear, but didn't expect or demand any reciprocation from her. What scared her, though, was that there was a small, evil part of her that wanted to break his heart the way her own had been broken, soothing her pain by causing it in others. What was wrong with her? Why was she changing this way?

Tyler entered the room. Alice put her journal down. He came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to the place where her neck joined with her shoulder. "Last night was wonderful," he said.

Holy fuck, she hadn't ...? Alice felt tears sting her eyes. She jerked away from his touch, fighting down a surge of fear and nausea.

"You were gone when I woke. I would have loved to wake up beside you."

_Oh my God._ She had. And she didn't remember any of it. he really had gone mad.

"If you're crazy, you'll see me more often," Fantasy Edward pointed out. He was lounging on the sofa, his feet propped up on the arm.

Alice pulled her eyes away from him and said to Tyler, "I shouldn't have- I'm sorry ... It was a mistake."

Tyler looked disappointed but determination shone in his eyes. "Last night proved that you can be happy again, Alice. We could be so good together."

Alice swallowed back a whimper. "Tyler, please, I'd ... I'd like to be alone right now."

He nodded. "All right, honey. Just know I'm here if you want to talk."

"Sure," she smiled at him, and it felt like a grimace.

Edward waited until he'd left. "It's no big deal that you fucked him, Doc. I don't care. I know you're mine."

Alice clutched two handfuls of her hair and pulled. Edward rose to his feet and came over to her, untangling her hands from her hair, gently but firmly. "Stop it, Doc."

"Edward, I'm scared. The hallucinations are one thing, but losing time like this? Where do I go when that happens?"

"You're in there," he said, brushing his lips over hers. "You're just ... asleep."

"Can anyone tell?"

He shrugged. "I can, because I know you so well. I don't think other people notice, though, except for Rose."

Rose always had been very observant. The silent ones usually are.

"You ought to get rid of her, Doc. Pretty soon, she's going to start insisting you go see Dr. Carlisle, and he'll try to make me go away."

Alice whimpered. She'd put up with being crazy and even losing herself for long periods of time, as long as she could still see Edward. This Edward was completely hers. This Edward would never leave her. This Edward would never break her heart or abandon her in her time of need. "What should I do?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Pick a fight with her or something. Tell her you don't want her here. Tyler is your best ally in this. If she thinks you're happy with him, she might believe you're moving on."

"I don't want a relationship with him, even a fake one."

He shrugged again. "Your choice, Doc. But pretty soon, she's going to take that choice out of your hands."

* * *

><p>Tyler was delighted when Alice moved into his rooms. Rose was not. As it turned out, Alice didn't need to pick a fight with Rose. One sprang up organically when Alice told Rose of her decision.<p>

"You don't love him," Rose said.

"He says he loves me enough for the both of us," Alice replied, shoving books into a box.

"This is _wrong_," Rose snapped. "You're using him."

Well, she couldn't argue with that. "It's none of your business."

Shock and hurt pinched Rose's features. "Of course it is, Alice. I love you like my own daughter."

"Then back the fuck off," Alice retorted. "Your little girl is all grown up."

"If you were thinking like a grown up, you wouldn't be moving in with a man you don't love."

"Again, it's none of your goddamn business. Go back to London, Rose, and leave me alone."

"I'm not leaving," Rose said. "There's something wrong, Alice. This isn't you."

"Maybe I'm just sick of your shit," Alice spat.

Rose flinched, but set her jaw. "If you're going to act like a child, I'll treat you like a child."

Alice slammed the last book into the box. "I don't need this and I don't need _you."_ Without looking back, she marched from her room, slamming the door behind her.

Tyler was at his desk when she entered his room, a pair of magnifying lenses perched on his nose. They had discovered that some of the burnt pages still had traces of ink, and if they encapsulated them and studied them with a magnifying glass, they could make out at least part of the text. "Hey, babe," he said. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine," Alice said, slamming the box down so hard that the books inside jumped.

He rose from his seat and came over to put his arms around her. A surge of panic rose up in her, as it did every time he touched her. She heard that taunting voice "... _Mary Aaaaaaalice_ ..." in the back of her mind. "Another Alice" didn't seem to have that problem and Alice was grateful, for once, when she felt herself slipping away.

* * *

><p>The church Bella had chosen for her wedding was a Gothic gem with an ornately carved altar and beautiful stained glass window. Too bad none of the guests would ever see them in the day time when sunlight set their jewel tones on fire. Bella had set up powerful flood lights outside, trained on the windows, but it wasn't the same. But tonight, filled with candles, flowers and ribbons, the church was magical.<p>

Alice came down the aisle, her dark blue bridesmaid gown making her pale skin glow in contrast, the light from the thousands of candles that filled the church lending her a warm, golden cast. Instead of a bouquet, she carried a white leather book, embossed with gold, trailing ribbons. Bella knew her well.

Rose followed as the organ music swelled, drawing a chorus of male sighs at the stunning beauty of her tall, statuesque form. She carried in her hands a single white rose. She and Alice stood side-by-side at the altar, opposite of the groom, but did not even glance at one another.

As the music swelled, Bella started down the aisle and the audience rose to its feet. Tonight, she was beautiful, the radiant joy of a bride elevating her somewhat ordinary looks into exquisite loveliness. Her embroidered silk dress fanned out behind her in a sweeping train. The bodice was deceptively plain, with a sweetheart neckline and smooth long sleeves. Her dark brown hair had regrown in the past few years, now reaching past her shoulders. She wore it loose, curled and covered with a fine net of pearls.

Emmett, standing at the altar, smiled so hugely that it looked like his face might crack. The spot beside him, usually filled by the best man, was vacant. The only person who might have filled that spot had not been invited and Emmett could not bear to occupy it with a less meaningful substitute. When Bella reached his side, Emmett could resist the temptation to lean in and kiss her smiling lips. The priest cleared his throat and said in a stage whisper, "Sir ... we haven't got to that part yet."

A ripple of chuckles rolled through the audience. Emmett clasped Bella's hand and they turned to the priest together.

From the back of the church, a pair of mint green eyes watched, focused not on the bride and groom, but on the tiny, dark-haired bridesmaid.

There was no reception afterward. Vampire weddings rarely had one since the traditions involved, a wedding cake no one would eat and champagne no one would drink, seemed pointless. The guests filed by the bride and groom, giving their congratulations as they exited the church. Rose was one of those who filed through the line and then left, after giving Alice a long, sad look. Alice turned away from her. When the line dwindled to nothing, Emmett and Bella prepared to leave, the guests outside waiting to pelt them with rice (Organic brown rice, of course. Even though she wasn't going to eat it, Bella always bought organics.)

Edward emerged from the shadows and Bella saw him first, her eyes widening. Emmett turned and froze as well when he saw what had stopped his bride in her tracks.

"Bella, you look lovely," Edward said, giving her a small smile. "May I speak to your husband for a moment?"

Bella nodded, releasing Emmett's hand. She went over to stand by the doors, taking Alice with her, Alice whose face was stormy anger and pain.

Emmett still wouldn't look at him, Edward noted.

"Emmett, I wronged you," Edward said softly. "I betrayed you, the man who had stood by me for centuries, my dearest friend. I know that you will probably never forgive me and I understand that. I won't forgive myself either. But I need you to know how deeply, deeply sorry I am for what I did to you." He took a deep breath. "I love you, Emmett. I never realized it until after I'd destroyed our friendship. I truly am happy for you and Bella and I wish you nothing but the best. Congratulations."

He turned to go.

"Wait," Emmett said. He strode to Edward and searched his eyes for a long moment. He must have found what he was searching for because he threw his arms around Edward and engulfed him in a hug. Edward closed his eyes and returned the embrace.

"I'm glad you were here," Emmett said. He paused. "It- it may take me some time."

"I understand," Edward replied gently. He patted Emmett's back as they released each other and then walked over to to Bella. She looked a bit nervous. "Be happy," he told her, and dropped a quick kiss on her upturned forehead before exiting the church.

The people outside pelted him with a few handfuls of rice before they realized their mistake. Edward chuckled and went to stand under a small tree by the church to watch Edward and Bella race for their car, their arms upheld to ward off the stinging rice. Bella stopped at the car door, her eyes searching the crowd, rice caught in her curls. She saw Edward and smiled at him. She turned and threw her bouquet straight at Alice who had to either catch it or be hit in the face. The crowd clapped and offered teasing congratulations which died away when Alice did not respond with laughter of her own. She waited until Bella had driven away, until she could no longer be seen, and then dropped the bouquet to the pavement. A woman who had eagerly reached for the bouquet when it was thrown snatched it up and clutched it to her chest, as if its next-to-be-married magic could transfer with possession.

The crowd dispersed. Alice slipped back inside the church. Edward found her wandering around the sanctuary, blowing out the candles one by one until the room was plunged into darkness. Edward waited until she had taken a seat in one of the pews. He slid into one behind her.

"What do you want?," she asked without turning to look at him. She had imagined this scene many times, running into Edward on the street, perhaps, or seeing him at one of the annual balls given by the Council and she had played out many scenarios in her head, from pretending not to recognize him, as if he had meant so little she couldn't recall his name, to plotting elaborate revenge scenarios. Mental rehearsal hadn't prepared her for the reality of seeing him in the flesh again. It hurt. It hurt so badly that she couldn't even breathe.

"I wanted to speak to you, but you wouldn't take my calls."

Jesus Christ. She rubbed her hands over her face.

"Alice, I had to do it. I knew if I told you I was leaving, you'd beg me to stay and I wouldn't be strong enough to refuse and do what had to be done."

She said nothing. She stood and walked back down the aisle toward the doors. Edward grabbed her arm to stop her and Alice swatted away his hand.

There was an edge of desperation in his voice. "I was the only one who could do it, Doc. Victoria, bless her sweet little liberal heart, wanted to treat it like a criminal matter and be all civilized with trials and whatnot. And she was losing."

"Edward fucking Masen, making the world safe for monarchy," Alice mocked.

"Doc, please, I'm sorry I hurt you," he said, his eyes searching her own. "I know you must be angry at me-"

She cut him off. "You don't have the first goddam clue how I feel." She closed her eyes, hoping that "Another Alice" would take over for her, rescue her from the agonizing pain of standing there before him, breathing in his scent (which her hallucinations never had). Where was she when Alice needed her? Bitch had gone on lunch break or something. It just proved that Alice couldn't count on anyone, even her own fucking split personality.

"I love you," he said and rage gave Alice's vision a sheen of red. She hit him so hard that he fell against the pews, splintering a couple of them like matchsticks. A broken shard of one of the arm rests pierced his back, sticking up through his chest. He gave achoked gasp of pain.

She smiled. "_Now_ you know how I feel."

She left the church and walked through the gravel parking lot to where her rental car was parked. She had intended to drive back to Italy tonight but now she didn't have the energy. She'd get a hotel room in Cannes, she decided. It wasn't far. Maybe a walk on the moonlit beach with her Fantasy Edward ...

Edward caught up with her as she was inserting the key into the door. He pressed his hand against the door jamb so she couldn't open it. "Alice, please. You don't know how hard it was for me to leave you, but I _had_ to. You'd never be safe as long as the rebellion was still ongoing. Two women I care about had been almost destroyed by those people. I had to do it because I was the only one who _could_. Don't you see?"

"Are you done?" Alice asked, her voice sharp and cold.

"Dammit, Doc-"

"_DON'T CALL ME THAT_!" she screamed. The birds which had been sleeping in the nearby trees startled awake at the noise and took flight.

"Okay, okay, _Alice,_" Edward said soothingly. "You may not want to hear it but I do love you. It took me time to realize it, but I-"

Alice cut him off. "It doesn't matter. I'm with someone else now."

He seemed shocked. "With whom?" he demanded.

"None of your fucking business," Alice said succinctly. She shoved his hand away and climbed into the car, slamming the door. She shoved the key into the ignition and barely gave the engine time to start before flooring the gas, spaying Edward's legs with gravel as he stood there, stock-still, his expression one of stunned pain.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

..

..

_Yet nothing can to nothing fall,_  
><em>Nor any place be empty quite ;<em>  
><em>Therefore I think my breast hath all<em>  
><em>Those pieces still, though they be not unite ;<em>  
><em>And now, as broken glasses show<em>  
><em>A hundred lesser faces, so<em>  
><em>My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,<em>  
><em>But after one such love, can love no more.<em>

-From "The Broken Heart" by John Donne

..

..

There was a knock at the apartment door and Tyler answered it. Alice didn't look up from the fragment of text she was trying to piece together until she heard Tyler say, "Uhm, Alice, some guy for you."

She looked up and saw Edward in the doorway and groaned. "What do you want, Edward?" When she'd left France without seeing him again, she'd thought he'd leave her alone. Perhaps a tiny part of her was hurt that he seemed to give up so easily, but she knew it was for the best. He would only hurt her again and Alice didn't think she could survive it.

"_Edward?_" Tyler repeated, starting to look a little nervous.

"Yeah, hi, Edward Masen." Edward stuck out a hand.

"Oh, shit!" Tyler blurted. "Uh, s-sorry."

"I get that reaction a lot," Edward smirked. "Now, kindly fuck off. I need to talk to Alice."

"It's his apartment," Alice snapped. "He doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to."

Tyler looked at Alice, and then back at Edward. "Um, Alice, I-"

"In about-" Edward checked his watch, "eleven seconds, I'm going to drop him where he stands. His choice."

"Yeah, uh ... I'll see you later, honey," Tyler said. He snatched up his jacket and bolted out the door.

Alice turned back to her work.

"Whatcha doin', Doc?"

She didn't answer. She turned a sliver of paper around and found that it fit.

Edward put his hands on her shoulders. "You've let your hair grow. I like it."

Alice pushed his hands away, fighting off a surge of panic. "Don't touch me."

His eyes flashed. "But you let that little pissant touch you?"

"Careful," FantasyEdward said from across the room, where he was draped on the recliner, watching the action. "He doesn't know about AnotherAlice."

"What do you want, Edward?" Alice said wearily. She took off her magnifying goggles and laid them aside.

And then Edward did the most astonishing thing. He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a ring box. "Marry me, Alice."

Alice burst into laughter. She detected a hint of hurt in his eyes and it made her laugh even harder. "I'm sorry ..." she choked. "But _YOU_, Edward Masen, getting _married?_ No one would ever believe it."

"Believe it," he snapped, grabbing her hand and slapping the box into it. Alice dropped it on the table and stood.

"Any idea how long is it going to take for you to get bored with this?" she asked.

"It's not a game."

"It's _always_ a game," FantasyEdward said.

"What should I do?" Alice asked him.

The Edward in front of her looked back over his shoulder at the empty chair. "Who are you talking to?"

"Careful!" FantasyEdward sang. He was at her side now. He bent to whisper in her ear. "He'll put you in the nuthouse."

She blinked. Had they switched places? "Are you the real one?" she asked the Edward in front of her.

Edward spoke slowly, concern growing in his eyes. "What do you mean, Alice?"

"You screwed up, Babe," FantasyEdward said,_ tsking_ as he shook his head.

She put her hands over her ears. "Go away, both of you."

"Both of- Alice, what the fuck are you _talking_ about?" He gripped her upper arms and Alice screamed.

_Maaaary Aaaaaaaalice ..._

Tyler barreled through the door. "Let go of her, goddammit! You're scaring her!"

"Scaring her? All I did was-"

"The nuthouse!" FantasyEdward warned in that sing-song tone.

Alice wrenched out of Edward's grip and ran to Tyler, who bravely stood his ground.

Edward switched tactics. His voice was gentle, coaxing. "All I want to do is talk to you for a bit, Doc."

Alice shook her head.

"Smart," one of the Edwards said. "The more you talk to him, the more likely he is to realize that you're bat-shit insane."

Alice tried to find FantasyEdward, but he was over beside the Real Edward and she didn't know which was which.

"Alice, please. We'll go to my hotel and talk, all right? I need to make you understand."

She shook her head again.

"The lady says no," Tyler said. "I think you should leave now."

"I really don't give a fuck what you think."

"I'm her boyfriend and I-"

"She's _mine_," one of the Edwards growled, and it seemed to be the Real one because Tyler answered.

"She's her own person and she doesn't _belong_ to anyone. That sort of caveman shit went out of style a long time ago."

"Come with me, Doc. Come with me now, or I swear to God I'll kill him," one of the Edwards said.

"You can't!" Alice cried.

"The fuck I can't," Edward spat. "Who's going to stop me?"

"I'll do it, too," the other Edward said. "I always was a violent asshole."

"Please don't hurt him!" Alice begged. "Please."

The Edward in front of her narrowed his eyes. "Do you love him?"

Maybe a little. Had she said that aloud? Edward's eyes flashed. She certainly didn't want to see Tyler hurt because he was so kind, and genuinely good-hearted, if a little naive. He certainly was either very brave or very stupid to stand his ground, depending on your perspective.

"I'm asking you to leave," Tyler said to Edward, as if he was an annoying dinner guest. The Edwards ignored him.

"Doc?"

Alice squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to retreat, hoping that AnotherAlice would take the wheel, but just like last time when Edward had appeared, she was nowhere to be found. Alice kept her eyes shut, willing herself away.

She was in bed. Alice sat up and looked around in confusion. This wasn't her room that she shared with Tyler. This looked like a luxury hotel suite.

Edward was seated in a chair in the corner. "Are you real?" she asked.

He rose and walked over to sit on the bed. He reached out to cup her cheek and Alice flinched away. "Yeah, Doc, I'm real. What the fuck happened to you?"

She inhaled, her lungs full of his scent. Real. FantasyEdward didn't have this scent. "Where am I?"

"My hotel room. You ... well, you weren't yourself. I brought you here."

"Tyler?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"I didn't hurt him, but I should. He's taken advantage of you."

Alice let out a bark of humorless laughter. "More like the other way around."

"You were catatonic, Doc," Edward said quietly. "Tyler says it happens occasionally when you're too stressed or scared. You just ... leave."

This was the first she'd heard of it.

"You're going into the nuthouse for sure." FantasyEdward said. She swiveled her head and found him sitting on the corner of the coffee table.

Edward followed her gaze. "What is it? What do you see?"

"Nothing," Alice lied.

"I'm wounded," FantasyEdward said, his tone half-teasing, half-serious. "After all the time we've spent together, I'm _nothing_ to you now? Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" Alice cried. "Please, don't leave me."

"I won't," Edward said, drawing her into his arms. Alice panicked and shoved him away. "Don't do that."

"Do you let Tyler hold you?" Edward snapped.

"No, I ..." Alice cut off admitting to being nuts and took refuge in anger. "What do you care?"

"What bothers me more than you fucking him is that you seem to be emotionally involved."

"He's good to me," Alice flung at him. "He wouldn't abandon me when I needed him most."

Edward flinched. "Doc, I swear to you that it was the hardest goddam thing I've ever done, but I had to keep you safe. There was only one way to do that, and that was to eliminate the threat entirely And I was the only one who could do it. I don't say that as a braggart; I say it as simple truth."

Alice got out of bed. She saw that her shoes were on the floor beside it and she crammed her feet into them.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving." She had to. If she stayed, she'd let him convince her. Part of her wanted it so badly, wanted to curl into his arms and let the world drop dead, to take whatever he was offering, for as long as it lasted, to drink of his delicious poison until the cup ran dry.

"Please, don't," Edward begged. "Please, Alice, just listen to me-"

"Why?" Alice asked wearily. "Just ... let it go, Edward. It's over. It never really _was_ anything to begin with."

"You don't understand. _I love you_." The fervency in his tone was a surprise but the sentiment was not.

She laughed. "No, _you_ don't understand. You don't even know what love is, Edward. Less than a year ago, you came to me and said you loved Bella so much that if I couldn't erase your memories of her, you wanted to die. Remember that?"

He looked away. "Yes, of course I remember."

"Are you going to tell me now that you don't love her any more?"

"No," he said. "I still love her, but it's different now. Like a friend, or a sister. I just didn't understand at the time-"

"Oh, but you're so much more mature now?"

"It was my first love, Doc. Give me a break."

"Your first love. In nine thousand years of existence, you never loved anyone. Do you know how psychopathic that sounds?"

"Sociopathic," he corrected, "and yes, I know. It's the only reason I've made it as long as I have."

Alice saw her jacket laid over a chair and went to retrieve it. Edward followed her, gently tugging it from her hands. "We're not finished."

"Yes, we are," Alice said. "Finished in every sense of the word. You aren't _capable_ of love, Edward. I don't know what it is you're actually feeling and frankly, I'm not interested enough to delve into your psyche and find out. But I do know that I don't trust you and I'm not going to have a relationship with someone I can't trust."

"If this is about me leaving-"

Alice let out a helpless little laugh. "You haven't listened to a word I've said. I need someone mature, Edward, and you never will be. I need someone stable, and you can't offer that. And I need someone who loves me, and you're simply not capable of it. You're not what I want and you're certainly not what I need."

"You love me," he declared, his pale green eyes searching hers.

Alice laughed again, the sound colored with a bright, silvery note of hysteria. "Yes, I do. I love you so much that it destroyed my soul when you left me, a great gaping wound that will never heal. And _that's_ why I'm telling you no, Edward, because I can't allow you to tear that wound open again."

"Give me a chance," he begged. "Give me a chance and I'll prove myself to you, Doc, I swear."

"No."

His face hardened. "I meant what I said back at the apartment. I'll kill him."

"Yeah, that whole _'If I can't have you no one can'_ thing makes you sound like a _much_ more attractive prospect."

"Five years," he said. "Give me five years, that's all I'm asking for, and if I haven't proven myself to you by then, I'll let you go."

"I can't," she said. "I _can't._" She'd already been driven mad by the pain of losing him once. A second time would destroy her. But, oh God, she wanted it. She longed to burn in his fire.

He pulled the ring box from his pocket and opened it. He pulled the ring from its bed of black velvet and took her hand. She tried to pull away but he held her firmly until he had slipped the ring onto her finger. "You will," he said firmly. "You know what I'll do if you don't."

"This is blackmail," she said. "This is selfish and childish of you."

"Yes," he replied. "It is."

"Five years," she repeated.

He nodded.

"Swear that you won't touch me," she said. "_Swear_ it to me."

"I swear," he said, but a small smirk played around his lips. He obviously thought that she wouldn't be able to resist him. A sudden surge of fury burned through her. "I am going to make your life a living hell," she ground out.

"Whatever you do, it can't be worse than being without you," he said.

* * *

><p>Edward Masen's wedding was going to be the vampire event of the century. Gifts flooded in from all over the world when he announced his engagement to Alice, everyone hoping for one of the coveted invitations. Edward, surprisingly, wanted a big wedding with all of the trimmings, including a ball afterwards for a reception. Alice was indifferent. She turned the planning of it over to Bella, who was much more enthusiastic about the whole thing than she was. Edward gave her three months, refusing to wait any longer despite Bella's protests that she couldn't get everything done in time. As it turned out, if you're willing to throw enough money at a situation, you can accomplish almost anything in ninety days.<p>

Telling Tyler she was marrying Edward had, so far, been the hardest part, especially since she didn't want to tell him why she had agreed. Tyler would be tormented if he thought Alice was sacrificing herself for him. Nor did she tell him that it would be over in five years. Tyler didn't deserve to be strung along, waiting for something she could never give. He deserved to find his mate and be happy.

He stood by while she packed her few belongings for the move into another apartment. "I don't understand," he said for the third time. "Alice, he broke your heart and will likely do it again."

"I know."

"Then _why,_ Alice? For God's sake, _why_?"

"Tyler, I told you from the outset that I couldn't love you as you deserved, as much as I may have wanted to be able to be happy with you. But my heart is locked with his. He's the only one for me." This much was true, God help her.

Tears formed in Tyler's eyes. "I wish you the best, then, Alice. I had hoped ... Well, you know what I hoped. Be happy." he had pressed a light kiss to her lips and left the apartment, and that had been the last she'd seen of him. Victoria, who was equally bewildered by Alice's decision to marry Edward, said that he had resigned from the archives project and was moving back to the US.

Alice now had her own apartment in the Tower, and she realized with some surprise that it was the first time she'd ever lived alone. It was both frightening and exhilarating. She didn't feel as safe without someone with her and she couldn't sleep without a sword at her bedside. But not having to hide her hallucinations was wonderful. It was hard not to shove out the door the sudden influx of visitors that the announcement of the engagement had brought so she could get back to cuddling and talking with FantasyEdward. If the wedding hadn't been looming like a stormcloud on the horizon, she might have been perfectly content, or at least as close to it as she would ever be.

She woke up on the third evening in her new home to find someone sitting at the bottom of her bed. She drew a sword on him before she recognized Edward. He didn't even flinch as the blade came to rest an inch from his throat.

"Something wrong with your phone? You never answer my calls or respond to my voice mails."

She dropped the sword back to the wood floor beside her bed where it landed wit a jarring clatter. "The only thing 'wrong' is that you apparently can't take a hint. I don't want to talk to you."

"Don't you believe we have things to discuss?"

"Such as?"

"Where we'll live for starters."

Alice shrugged. "I don't care."

"I know you, Doc. You're not happy unless that prodigious little brain of yours is solving the mysteries of the universe. Do you want to stay here and continue working on the archives?"

"I don't care," she repeated.

He sighed. "I'm trying here, Doc."

She stared at him.

"All right, fine." He rose to his feet. "I'll buy us a house here."

A week later, he came around to Alice's apartment and took her to see his choice, despite her reiteration that she didn't care. "Just get in the goddam car, Doc."

He drove her there in a sporty little Fiat convertible so new that the labels were still affixed inside. Alice stared out her window for the entire trip, ignoring Edward's efforts to make conversation.

A long paved driveway led to a cobblestone courtyard in front of a gracious, cream-colored stucco villa, perched on a lush hillside. A fountain bubbled in the courtyard's center and immaculately-groomed gardens surrounded it. Edward unlocked the door and led her inside. It was the summer home of some countess or other, Edward explained, and it had only recently come on the market. Edward led her around the beautifully decorated rooms, which contained elegant contemporary pieces mixed with lovely antiques. It looked like the kind of place Alice had only seen on television. On the second floor he opened the door to an enormous bedroom which had a bed with a wispy white canopy. The attached bathroom had a large whirlpool tub and marble fixtures. "Our room," he said.

"Not _ours_," she said. "I want my own room." She needed her own private area where she could enjoy the illusions which were swiftly becoming the focus of her reality.

"No," he said sharply. "I agreed to no sex, but I insist on having you with me during the day. I have to know you're safe. Come on. I have one last thing to show you."

He led her down to the basement. When he turned on the light, she could see why he had an air of restrained excitement: he had converted it into a laboratory. Microscopes and computers sat on the counter that lined the wall, built, as he pointed out, to match her height so she would never have to use a step-stool again. There were stainless steel tables in the center, and the cabinets contained equipment like Bunsen burners for the experiments she used to love to do. It was the kind of room she would have once loved to have back when she was curious and excited to learn as much about the world as possible. That girl seemed like another person now.

"Sturdy metal tables," he pointed out with a grin, and her memory flashed back to the time when they had broken the dining room table.

"And a library for your research," he said and opened the door at the end of the room. It was the kind of library every bibliophile dreams of having. Two stories in height, it had ladders which slid around the walls lined with books, the titles of some of which she recognized as having belonged to her old library. The second floor landing had a door that connected to the hallway outside the room he would use as an office. There was a large table with a rolling padded leather chair, and soft, comfortable-looking chaises and recliners scattered around the room. How on earth had he managed to convert these rooms in just a week?

"Do you like it?" he asked softly.

"It's nice," she replied. "Can I go home now?"

His face fell as though she'd slapped him. That small, mean part of her rejoiced, but she wasn't intending to be cruel. She was wrapped in layers of numb indifference, layers she had carefully built to protect her heart and what little was left of her sanity.

"Yeah, okay, go," he muttered. He fished the key to the Fiat out of his pocket. "The car is yours. Do you want me to drive you back?"

"No," she said quickly. "I'll drive."

He nodded. he turned to walk away and then abruptly spun on his heel and marched back to her. He pulled her swiftly into into his arms and kissed her.

Smothering. She was smothering. Panic took over and she tore away, tears welling in her eyes.

"Wait, Alice, I'm sorry ..."

She dashed for the car, fumbling with the key the way she had always derided when she saw heroines in movies do it. Now she understood how terror could make your hands shake and refuse to work properly. She dropped the keys on the stone of the courtyard and knelt to fish it out from under the car. When she stood, Edward was there and she let out a short scream. He locked eyes with her and she felt her will cut off like a switch had been flipped.

"Shhh, it's all right. Calm down." And she had no choice but to obey. What was going on? She felt like a human, hypnotized by a vampire. But she'd never heard of a vampire's will being overtaken by another. She tried to break free. She tried to pry her eyes away from his, but to no avail.

He scooped her up into his arms and carried her up to the room he had declared was theirs. Alice was as limp as a string. He laid her on the bed and took off her shoes and then stretched himself out beside her. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, Doc, but I can't get you to talk to me any other way. I've tried to respect your privacy, and God knows I didn't want to make you have to relive it, but I can't get the answers I need any other way. Is your aversion to being touched because of something that happened when you were kidnapped?"

"Yes."

He closed his eyes. "Were you raped, Alice?"

"No."

"But someone tried?"

"Yes."

He looked into her eyes and Alice felt like she was falling into them. Images of her captivity flashed though her mind and she somehow knew that he was seeing them, absorbing them from her mind by some form of mitosis. He cursed. "I should have killed Jacob slower."

_Let me go. Let me go_.

"Soon, Doc. I need to know what it is you're seeing when you're talking to an empty chair."

These were the thoughts she wanted to protect more than anything and she fought as hard as she could against the pull of his eyes. But he was far stronger. Against his power, she was helpless. FantasyEdward and AnotherAlice were pulled from her mind as hard as she tried to snatch them back. When he finally released her, he was pale and shaking. Alice slapped him. "Don't you _ever_ do anything like that to me again," she hissed.

He didn't answer. He looked stricken. "I had no idea ..."

"It's none of your business," she retorted. "You had no right to pry into my head."

"You need help, Doc."

"I don't want help. Leave me the hell alone, Edward or I'll call the whole thing off, Tyler be damned." She pulled on her shoes and left the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Her hands did not shake this time as she unlocked the car door. Her tires squealed on the cobblestones.

"This is bad, Doc, really bad," FantasyEdward said from the passenger seat. "I don't know what I'll do, but you know I'm not the kind of guy to let something like this drop."

And that's what she was afraid of.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

..

_O Mary, permit me this grace, _  
><em>this crossing over, <em>  
><em>although I am ugly, <em>  
><em>submerged in my own past <em>  
><em>and my own madness. <em>  
><em>Although there are chairs <em>  
><em>I lie on the floor. <em>

_[...]_

_O Mary, open your eyelids. _  
><em>I am in the domain of silence, <em>  
><em>the kingdom of the crazy and the sleeper. <em>  
><em>There is blood here. <em>  
><em>and I haven't eaten it. <em>  
><em>O mother of the womb, <em>  
><em>did I come for blood alone? <em>  
><em>O little mother, <em>  
><em>I am in my own mind. <em>  
><em>I am locked in the wrong house.<em>

-From "For The Year Of The Insane" by Anne Sexton

..

Edward listened to the phone ring on the other end of the line impatiently. He lit a cigarette and sucked the smoke deep into his lungs and blew it out through his nose, and wished the nicotine could do something for him.

"Hello, Edward," Dr. Carlisle said.

"I've got a problem," Edward told him, without preamble.

"That's usually the reason why you call me." The bastard sounded slightly amused.

"It's not me this time, Carlisle. It's Alice."

"Alice?" Dr. Carlisle's voice was sharper. "What do you mean?"

"She's ... she's fucked up, Carlisle. Seriously fucked up." Edward told him everything, from the beginning, how he'd asked Alice to try to erase his memories and how he'd begun to get over Bella while falling in love with Alice. He told Carlisle what he'd seen in Alice's head, the trauma she'd endured, the hallucinations, her confusion, her catatonia, and how he had blackmailed her into becoming his wife. All of it.

Dr. Carlisle was silent on the other end of the line, and Edward could hear his pen scratching. "Well?" Edward demanded.

"Well, _what,_ Edward? Do you want me to make a reliable diagnosis over the phone without even having spoken to her?"

"She won't talk to you," Edward said. "Of that much, I am certain."

"All I can say is that it seems he's using these delusions as a way of protecting herself from reality."

"Yeah, no shit. Now, how do I fix it?"

"I don't know."

"What the fuck do you mean, _'you don't know'_? Haven't you gone to shrink school, like, twenty times?"

"The first thing I would do, if she were my patient, is look for an organic cause," Dr. Carlisle said, as if Edward hadn't spoken. "As an example, are you sure you removed all of the bone chips when you cleaned her wound?"

Edward was silent for a long moment. "I thought I did. I tried, but Christ, we were in a bathroom and I was using tweezers. Rose was trying to hold her still and I was hurrying because I knew I was hurting her ... But she hasn't complained about headaches. Wouldn't any chips be trying to force their way out of her skull?"

"Not always. If the body thinks it can co-exist, it won't expend the energy in trying to expel it. I had a patient once who lived with a Minié ball in the back of his skull, a souvenir from the American Civil War."

Edward started considering ways he could get Alice to agree to be x-rayed when Carlisle interrupted his stream of thought. "But we can't rule out psychological causes, either. She's been through two severe traumas, one right after the other. Frankly, I'm surprised she's still with us."

"I had to do it," Edward said, grinding his teeth.

"I'm not condemning you, Edward. I'm just stating facts. Vampires are surprisingly fragile creatures when it comes to emotional trauma, and losing one's mate is the worst trauma we can face."

Edward knew that. Every supernatural being he'd ever encountered had the same Achilles heel. Physically, they were incredibly strong, but they could be swiftly felled by grief. "I need to know what I can do to fix this," he said.

"I can't say-"

Edward growled in frustration. "The hell you can't. I'm sure you have some idea."

Dr. Carlisle sighed. "All right. Mind you, I'm just tossing out ideas, since I haven't examined-"

"Fuck the disclaimers, just spit it out."

"You need to draw her gently out of her fantasy world. Make her reality more attractive than the alternative she's built in her own mind. Most importantly, make sure she feels secure. She's going to have severe abandonment and trust issues."

"I'm marrying her, for God's sake. Isn't that secure enough?"

"Edward, you can't do this," Dr. Carlisle said bluntly. "You can't give her what she needs, You don't understand emotions because of your lack of experience with them. To answer your question _no_, simply marrying her isn't going to make her feel secure. She grew up in an age of prenuptial agreements and a 50% divorce rate."

"Vampires don't divorce," Edward said.

"Oh? So you lied to her already with your promise to let her go in five years?"

Edward laid his forehead against the wall. "I thought I could win her over before the time limit and it wouldn't matter."

"And if you can't?"

"No, I won't let her go. She's _mine_. My mate. And she needs me, whether she'll admit it or not."

"Edward, forcing her like this isn't going to help. It's going to cause her to retreat more."

"I just wanted to make sure I had her," Edward said. "And I wanted everyone to know she was mine. Now that I have her, I can work on winning her back."

"Edward, I tell you this not only as your doctor, but as your friend._ You can't do this._ Not now. You haven't learned yet how to process and control your emotions. Let her go, and maybe after you've learned how to-"

Edward disconnected the call.

* * *

><p>"Oh, Alice, you look so beautiful," Bella sighed. She fussed for a moment with Alice's veil and stepped back to examine her handiwork. Alice stared at her reflection, hardly recognizing herself.<p>

Her gown was white silk with a simple A-line skirt that fanned out into a long train when she walked with a simple, embroidered bodice. "Anything fluffy and you'll look like a child playing dress-up," Bella had declared, and when she couldn't find the gown she wanted, she had designed one herself with the help of an Italian bridal shop. With Edward's time restraints, the gown had only been finished a few days ago and Bella had been nearly pulling her hair out with anxiety. Alice didn't give a damn if she walked down the aisle wearing old sweat pants, but Bella was as determined to make Alice's wedding magical and beautiful as she had been with her own.

Alice knew Bella had been frustrated by her lack of input, but Alice simply couldn't take the strain. She began avoiding Bella's calls just a couple of weeks into the process because Bella was constantly calling her with questions such as whether she preferred organza or tulle and since Alice had no idea what either were, she couldn't have contributed a meaningful opinion even if she had cared. Edward hadn't been much help, either, Bella complained. He simply told Bella to choose and he was sure whatever she selected would be fine.

The venue Bella had selected was a ancient palace in Rome, a painted and gilded monstrosity with marble floors and sweeping staircases. Bella had stuffed Alice into the bridal gown and dragged her to the palace for pictures last night. Alice had posed in front of every picturesque spot, and in a place this size, there were many. The photographer didn't ask her to smile after the first time, when the grimace Alice had presented him with had actually frightened him a little. Instead he posed her in "pensive" and "romantic" poses which had Alice staring off into the distance, at the floor, at the ceiling. In one photo, Alice's eyes were full of love and longing, when FantasyEdward made an appearance, leaning against a door frame with that wicked smile of his.

"Thank you, Bella," Alice said. "Really, thank you for all of this. I know how hard you tried and I wasn't very helpful."

Bella moved as if to give her a hug and then remembered Alice's aversion to being touched. "It's all right, Alice. I know you've been going through a lot lately."

"Don't laugh, Doc," FantasyEdward cautioned.

Alice looked back into the mirror. Her hair had been sleekly styled under the veil, with a real diamond comb holding the veil in place. It was part of the set that graced her ears, her neck and her wrists. Alice thought it looked like someone had tied a chandelier around her neck and her ears already hurt from the weight of the earrings.

"My guilt-gifts seem to get gaudier every time," FantasyEdward agreed.

Every evening since she had fled from the villa, a delivery man had arrived at the door with another package for Alice. She had stopped opening them the third day and had simply tossed the boxes into the hall closet. Why the hell would he buy her jewelry? Alice had wondered. He had to know she didn't wear it. Even her old self, who had liked fashion and glitter, hadn't worn things like this. A fun, colorful plastic necklace she found at the thrift store was more to her taste.

Alice stepped away from the mirror. "C'mere, Doc," Fantasy Edward coaxed, and she laid her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Comfort that she needed if she was going to get through the next few hours.

"Alice?" Bella said.

Oh, shit. She'd forgotten Bella was still in the room. She straightened and tried to look normal, whatever that was.

"Don't worry," FantasyEdward said softly. "I'll be with you, Doc, every step of the way."

"It's time," Bella told her.

What? How was that possible? She thought they had an hour or so ... She blinked and tried to seem like she was expecting it. She followed Bella from the room, down the hall to a set of double doors. She stopped and Bella spread out her train neatly, fluffing the veil one last time. She ducked in and gave Alice a quick kiss on the cheek. "Be happy," Bella said. She handed her the small white rose bouquet.

Alice nodded. The double doors opened and she was faced with a huge room of people seated in rows. The audience stood when she entered and a sigh rippled through the crowd. Alice kept her eyes cast down. There was too much color in this room. The walls and ceilings were painted with mythological scenes and Alice had to pull her eyes away from them because out of the corner of her eye, they seemed to move. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other. She dropped her bouquet but didn't notice until she reached the front of the room and had nothing to do with her hands. She crossed her arms over her waist, hugging herself. "I'm here, Doc," Edward said softly and she wasn't sure which one he was, Real or not. Emmett stood over beside him, as best man, and he was watching Alice with an odd expression.

A little girl in a white dress with pink bows tugged on her skirt and Alice looked down. She remembered her, vaguely, the daughter of someone's dayman, selected by Bella to be the flower girl.

She held up Alice's bouquet. "You dwopped dis."

Alice took it, and said "Thank you," through numb lips. The little girl trotted away, still casting around flower petals from her basket.

The priest was also a dayman or a relative of one, Alice couldn't remember which. She saw his mouth moving but didn't hear anything he said because FantasyEdward was singing to her, standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders, his lips an inch from her ear as he crooned the lyrics to her. It was _Tell Me What You See_ by the Beatles. Alice closed her eyes and laid a hand over his.

"Alice?"

She opened her eyes swiftly. Had she lost track of time again? Everyone was staring at her. "I do?" she offered.

The priest smoothly continued. He was an old pro at weddings and used to small gaffes or glitches in the service and knew it was best to continue as if nothing had happened. (Though this was the first time he'd ever seen the bride close her eyes and daydream during her own wedding.) He pronounced them man and wife and offered permission for Edward to kiss his bride.

Edward lifted her veil and bent toward her. Alice swiftly turned her face so that his lips landed on her cheek. The guests clapped and Edward drew back, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but Alice wasn't looking at him. She was looking at FantasyEdward standing behind him, his eyes full of love.

* * *

><p>Why the hell Eward had insisted on this circus, Alice did not know. After the wedding, they adjourned to a ballroom and Bella was pretty sure that the ball had more guests than the wedding had itself.<p>

It was a scene right out of a Renaissance drama. The parquet floor, the murals painted on the walls, the gilded plaster ornaments and the three massive chandeliers in a line down the center of the room. An orchestra behind screens and potted plants played waltzes. A buffet had been laid out for the daymen and human guests and a three-tiered wedding cake stood in the center which Alice had flatly refused to cut, so it sat there untouched, relegated to the status of a centerpiece.

FantasyEdward whispered into her ear. "May I have this dance?"

"Oh, no, I don't-" she demurred.

"Come on, Doc. We have to dance first to open the floor. It's tradition."

She didn't recognize the piece the orchestra played as he spun her out onto the floor. "What is this song?" It was soft, lilting, with a haunting sweetness.

"It's called _Alice Dreaming. _I wrote it for you," he said.

This wasn't FantasyEdward. This was RealEdward. Alice nearly froze in place, but he swept her along. "What happened?" he asked. "You've changed back to cold and distant. Did I say something wrong?"

Alice shook her head. "Can we stop dancing now?"

He sighed. "Whatever you want, Doc."

They sat at one of the tables along the wall, watching the swirling couples on the floor. They were joined frequently by others who stopped at their table to congratulate them, a few to drop off extravagant gifts for the bride of jewelery that she would never wear. At one point, Esme Cullen slid into the chair beside Alice.

"You should be smiling," she said. "It's your wedding day!"

Alice tried to smile at her and Esme shook her head, clicking her tongue. "This will never do."

And so Esme began to sing the rap songs she loved, starting with _99 Problems, _tapping her hand on the table to keep the beat. Alice couldn't help but break into laughter, hearing those lyrics come from the demure, lady-like Esme, especially when she did the "cop voice".

"That's better," Esme said in satisfaction when she had finished up a delightfully filthy old Easy-E tune sung to the tune of the _Green Acres_ theme song. "_Now_ you look like a bride should look, a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye."

Alice used a napkin to wipe away tears of mirth and then remembered she was wearing makeup, which probably needed repaired now. "Excuse me," she said and rose to her feet. She took the little clutch purse filled with cosmetics that Bella had given her and headed for the ladies room.

It was only once she was in the hallway that she realized she wasn't exactly sure how to get there. The hallway was dimly lit, which should have been no challenge for Alice's vampire eyes, but the shadows seemed to twist with the figures painted on the walls and she heard a faint _"Mary Aaaaaaaalice_," whisper through them.

Her breath caught and she turned on her heel to run, but she couldn't remember which door she had come through. Panic rose in her and she let out a soft whimper. Which way seemed safer? Then she saw it, down the hall to the left, a door marked "Ladies" in Italian. She let out a shuddering breath of relief and headed toward it, ignoring the twisting images on the walls no matter how much they called to her.

As soon as she entered the bathroom, she locked herself in a stall and sat on one of the toilets, bunching her long skirt up on her lap so that it didn't drag on the floor. She had to calm herself before she went to the mirror where anyone could see her. She wondered how many of the guests had already figured out she was crazy. Rose certainly knew something was wrong. She'd been watching Alice all evening with worried eyes.

She heard the door open and the click of two pairs of heels on the tile. "Oh,_ Gawd,_ did he look hot tonight!" one of the women exclaimed. "I gotta see if I can pull him aside for a little, you know, _private time_ in the garden."

"It's so funny, though, Edward Masen getting _married_," the other woman tittered. "Why do you think he did it?"

"Who knows. It's not as though it matters, or at least it didn't matter to him _last night_." The first woman snickered.

"You're still fucking him?" the other woman asked.

"Oh, yeah. I mean, you didn't expect him to slow down just because he was going through with this farce, did you?"

Alice stood and unlocked the stall door. The two women turned to her with unconvincing expressions of surprise. Alice opened her purse and surveyed herself critically. As she'd suspected, the foundation under her eyes was gone and the dark circles were apparent again. She pulled out the little bottle of foundation and compact. The two women stood there, having expected some sort of confrontation and now were at a loss when one did not materialize.

Alice used a sponge to pat the concealer under her eyes and then powdered the area. Aw, damn. Now she was going to have to re-do the mascara because the light powder had coated her lashes. She fished through the bag until she found the little black tube. Makeup was simply too much of a bother.

The women still stood there. "

What?" Alice said, glancing in their direction as she unscrewed the wand.

"You don't _care_ that your husband is cheating on you?" the woman demanded.

Alice shrugged. "Not particularly. It's not like I expected him to be monogamous."

Their jaws dropped.

"Just don't expect that you matter to him," Alice continued. "You're one in a very long line of easy lays, and it's unlikely he'll even remember your name the next time you meet."

"You bitch!" One of the women charged at Alice and froze when a short sword rested against the side of her neck. One of the things that Alice had liked about this gown was that it nicely concealed the sword she now wore every day, strapped to her back. It made her feel safer to know she could fight off any physical threats, even though most of her torments were in her own mind.

"You sure you want to go down this road?" Alice asked. "Because I warn you, I do not fuck around pulling hair and scratching. I'll kill you."

The woman's eyes were huge. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Good answer." Alice re-sheathed her sword and fluffed her veil over the hilt. She picked up the mascara tube she'd dropped in the sink and went back to applying it.

The two women scrambled for the door and Alice smirked at FantasyEdward, who stood behind her, giving her a slow clap of approval. "Nicely done, Doc. You really had the badass bride vibe going."

"Thanks." She finished repairing her makeup and stuffed the supplied back into her purse. "Will you please hold me?" she asked, hating how needy her voice sounded.

"Always," he promised and she sank into his arms.

She could almost feel his warmth, though her mind couldn't replicate the scent of Edward. "If I walked out into the sun, would I be with you forever?"

He chuckled. "I'm not a ghost, Doc, and besides, you don't want to die."

No, she didn't. No matter how bitter or painful life had become, she still couldn't end it.

He tilted up her chin. "You look beautiful," he told her, and his eyes held all of the warmth and love she craved. This Edward was safe. This Edward would never leave her, would always give her what she needed, and would never let her down. This Edward would always belong just to her.

He kissed her and she moaned softly against his lips. The kiss deepened and she felt his hands slide down her back to her buttocks and then down her thighs to gather up her voluminous skirts. Her head fell back as his other hand slipped beneath her bodice.

The door opened and he disappeared like a wisp of smoke in a draft. Alice closed her eyes.

_I shut my eyes and the world drops dead  
>(I think I made you up inside my head)<br>_

"Alice?" It was Bella and Alice had to push aside a dart of irritation.

"Just fixing my makeup, Bella," Alice said and zipped her purse.

"The ceremony was beautiful, Alice. I wish you could have enjoyed it."

"Maybe next time." Alice gave her a brief smile and Bella was shocked.

"Jeeze, Alice, it has to be bad luck to joke about your next marriage on your wedding day."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Let's get back to the reception."

She was glad of Bella's presence as they walked back to the ballroom. The figures on the walls stayed in their places and did not whisper to her as she passed. "What did you do to Marcy and Clara, by the way? They ran out of here like they were being chased by the devil himself."

And now Alice could summon up a real smile. "Nothing."

* * *

><p>It was late before Edward finally rose and said goodnight to the guests. He had coaxed Alice into dancing once more but the est of the time had been spent at their table, Alice watching in silence as Edward chatted with their guests. He told them all a sweet little tale of how they'd met: he'd been helping her with one of her experiments and they'd just fallen head-over-heels before they could help it. Edward always punctuated that with a caress or kiss to Alice's hand that she couldn't avoid because of the guests' watching eyes. She resented him taking advantage of the situation.<p>

"Stop touching me," she hissed when they had a moment alone.

"Newlyweds are supposed to touch, Doc," he said. "You don't want us to look strange, do you?"

"I don't care. I can't stand it."

And that's when he'd decided to call it an evening. He rose and thanked those nearby for coming. He took Alice by the hand and led her to the doorway where they paused so that Alice could toss her bouquet. She heard squeals and tussling, but didn't look back to see who'd caught it.

The car he'd chosen to drive this evening was a vintage Rolls Royce. He held the door open for her and Alice scooped in her dress, wadding it on her lap as she had in the bathroom. Bella winced at this indifferent treatment of her masterpiece but smiled and waved and tossed rice with the other guests. "JUST MARRIED" was painted across the back window, and a few pairs of old shoes had been tied to the bumper, probably by Emmett, who was just as enthusiastic about tradition as Bella, in his own way.

"Are we driving back to your house?" Alice asked. Dawn was only a couple of hours away and her instincts were urging her to find a safe place to rest.

"No, we're staying in a hotel here in Rome today," Edward replied. "It isn't far."

She wasn't surprised when they pulled up in front of another palace of a building. Edward always opted for luxury. Alice opened her own door and climbed out before Edward or the doorman could assist her. Edward gave the keys to the doorman and the bellhops opened the trunk to retrieve the luggage Alice didn't know they had. Who had packed for her? Bella? It was probably Bella, she decided.

"This way, Doc," Edward said, and offered her his arm. Alice didn't take it. She walked through the doors beside him, careful to keep her distance. She glanced around the lobby. The Italians sure loved their murals, she thought. She glanced away before the figures could move on her and refused to look at them again, though she was sure she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.

They entered a mirrored elevator with one of the bellhops who put a card in the slot and pressed the top button. The elevator rose so fast that Alice felt her stomach (or whatever it was that vampires had in there) drop. The doors opened to a magnificent suite and Alice was impressed in spite of herself. The large, paned windows gave a lovely view of the city, and the furniture was lovely period antiques that must have once graced a palace. Or maybe they had been here in this room for hundreds of years, in which case, Alice had to wonder at the stories it could tell.

Their suitcases were brought in quickly, but Edward declined to have the maids unpack for them. The bellhops exchanged a glance when he asked that the windows be covered because most people enjoyed the view, but hey pulled the drapes as they were asked. Edward checked them after they left. Heavy, embroidered things that they were, they would block out every bit of the sunlight. Edward called down to the desk and asked that they not be disturbed and requested that there should be no maid service to the suite until they had gone. He put the "_Do Not Disturb_" sign on the door handle and threw the bolts. They were as secure as they could be, and a bit of Alice's tension eased.

But then she realized that she was locked in here with _him_. Alone. _Vulnerable._ She sat down in a chair in the corner and drew her knees up to her chin.

"Doc, stop," Edward said softly and knelt down in front of her. "You know I'd never hurt you."

Alice let out a harsh bark of laughter that made him flinch. "All you've done since I met you is hurt me."

"That's all over now," Edward insisted. "Doc, we can start fresh, you and I. Make this our new beginning. I'll court you as I should have and we can fall in love all over again."

Alice looked away. "I don't want you to court me. I want you to leave me alone."

"You said you'd give me a chance," he said.

"No, I said I'd marry you to keep you from killing poor Tyler. I can't believe you'd sink so low as to hurt an innocent man."

"I can't believe you thought I _would_," he retorted.

"You have no scruples, no morals. You've killed hundreds of vampires in the last few months. Why should I think that you'd draw the line at killing my boyfriend?"

"Don't call him that," Edward snapped.

"You lied to me _again_."

"Goddamit, Doc! I-" He raked his hands through his hair and changed his tone. "Doc, come on. Let's not argue, all right? I know you're tired. Let me help you change out of that dress, and we'll put you to bed."

Alice recoiled. "You are _not_ undressing me."

"How else do you expect to get out of it?" Edward asked, sensibly enough. "It has about a hundred buttons up the back."

"I'll rip it off, if I have to," Alice said.

"Bella would have a fit." Edward rose and began to pace back and forth in front of her, but instead of reducing his stress, it seemed to increase his agitation.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"I'll only unbutton it to your waist," Edward told her. "You can reach from there."

Alice shook her head.

"He thinks he can seduce you," FantasyEdward said. He lay across the foot of the bed, watching Edward pace in front of Alice. "Watch, if you let him, he'll try to sneak in a few touches."

RealEdward knelt in front of her again, and she had to look away from those piercing, mint green eyes. "Doc, honey, you can't think I'd do anything to hurt you."

"I don't want you to touch me," Alice said. "You promised."

"Come on, this is different. I'm just trying to help you." And he looked so sincere when he said it that she caved.

"All right, but just to the waist," she reminded him. She stood and walked forward a few feet and then froze, not wanting to get any nearer to the bed in this vulnerable moment.

He walked around behind her, and she felt his hands brush her shoulders. "Just moving your veil," he murmured.

Alice held her breath so she wouldn't inhale any of his luscious scent. His fingers brushed the back of her neck and then dipped into the neckline to unfasten the first button. She felt him tug at the second and then he froze. "What the hell?"

Oh, her sword. She'd forgotten. She reached back and withdrew it, sheath and all.

"You wore a sword to our wedding?" He seemed somewhat offended.

"Yes, and I needed it too," Alice spat, "to protect myself from a couple of your tramps who tried to attack me in the ladies' room."

"What? Who?" he demanded.

"I don't know. Bella knew who they were. Ask her if you're curious."

"What did they say to you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know."

"Alice, what did they say?" Edward insisted.

"Why does it matter?"

"It matters to me. Tell me." His eyes bored into hers and she knew he could force her if he wanted to. He could force her to do anything.

"One of them said she enjoyed your company last night and that this whole marriage thing hasn't slowed you down on your quest to fuck everything that moves." Alice tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice and failed.

"Doc, I swear to you that I haven't touched another woman since I was with you."

"Yeah, _right,_" FantasyEdward snorted.

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" Alice asked, curious as to whether he really thought she was that naive."You're a liar, Edward. You've lied to me so many times that I can't even keep track of the truth any more, myself."

"Yes, I've lied to you," Edward admitted. "And I can't expect you to believe me now. All that I can do is prove myself to you. You'll see, Doc. I love you, and I'm going to be faithful."

"You might as well go out and enjoy yourself," Alice said. "Because I'm not ... I can't ..." She bit her lip and stared at the floor.

She felt his hands lightly brush her back as he returned to unfastening the buttons. "I can wait."

She whirled to face him. "I've tried to tell you, but you won't listen. This isn't something I'll 'get over' if you keep pressuring me. It's not going to happen. _Ever_."

"You slept with Tyler," he said.

"No, I didn't. AnotherAlice did." Alice clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that. She never wanted him to know how deep her well of crazy really was.

But he didn't freak out. He must have seen some of it when he forced his way inside her head. "I don't want AnotherAlice," he said. "I don't want your body if you're not inside it. I want _you_, Alice."

"She doesn't seem to come out when you're around," Alice admitted reluctantly.

Edward stepped behind her and his fingertips brushed the flesh of her back. She felt another button pop free of its loop and his finger traced down to the next. She had to fight the urge to shiver, but she didn't know why.

"Maybe your mind doesn't feel it needs her to protect you from me," he suggested.

"I don't know why that would be. You're more dangerous than Tyler could ever be. You destroy everything you touch."

His hands stilled. "I want to be different. I want to be different for _you_, Doc."

"Impossible," she said. "Like the old expression about a leopard changing its spots. You are who you are, Edward. You're not going to change who you've been for nine thousand years overnight."

"No, not overnight," he agreed. "It will take some time, but you make me want to be a better man, Alice. You make me want to be worthy of you, worthy of your love. Please, just give me a chance."

"I don't have a choice, do I?" She shrugged away from his hands. "I can get the rest of it." She strode into the bathroom and shut the door, sliding the small bolt into place, and then had to laugh at the futility of it.

"You're right," FantasyEdward said. "I destroy everything I touch." He tapped a finger on the mirror and cracks fanned out across its surface. Thousands of tiny reflections of Alice. She closed her eyes and when she re-opened them, the mirror was intact once more.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

..

_I long to talk with some old lover's ghost,_  
><em>Who died before the god of love was born.<em>  
><em>I cannot think that he, who then loved most,<em>  
><em>Sunk so low as to love one which did scorn.<em>  
><em>But since this god produced a destiny,<em>  
><em>And that vice-nature, custom, lets it be,<em>  
><em>I must love her that loves not me.<em>

-From "Love's Deity", by John Donne

..

For a long moment, Alice couldn't figure out why Edward was in her room, and then she remembered the wedding. The plain gold ring on her left hand seemed like a mystery, too. She didn't remember him putting it on her hand. He wore a matching ring on his own left hand; had she put it on him?

She decided it didn't matter. She was used to missing chunks of time.

Edward was in a chair on the other side of the room, one elegantly loafered foot propped on the opposite knee, smoking a cigarette. "Good evening, Doc," he said.

She wrinkled her nose. "I really hope you're not planning on smoking in the house."

He shrugged. "I won't if you don't want me to."

"It stinks," she said.

"I'll quit, if you'd like."

"I don't give a damn what you do as long as you don't stink up the house where I have to live," Alice retorted. That came out harsher than she'd intended, and she saw the hurt on his face before his features returned to his usual impassivity.

He was silent for a long moment and then he said, apropos of nothing, "Rose called me."

That was all he said. She waited for the punchline.

"She said you have my box."

Oh. That. She'd forgotten. "Yes. It's in my apartment."

"When I heard of the fire, I assumed that it was lost." He said this with a calm, noninflected tone, but a muscle jumped in his cheek. "She said you risked your life to save it. Why?"

"Why do I do anything? I'm crazy, remember?"

"I don't think you're as mad as you'd prefer to be," Edward said and stubbed out his cigarette. He wore a beautifully tailored dark gray suit with a black and silver tie. Looking at his clothes made her aware of her own and she pulled the blanket up to her chin.

Bella had packed clothing for a real honeymoon. Last night, when Alice hadn't emerged from the bathroom for ages, Edward knocked on the door to ask if she was all right. She emerged wearing the hotel's robe and laid down stiffly on the bed.

"Surely, you're not going to sleep in that thing?" Edward asked.

"I like it. It's comfortable."

"You're a terrible liar, Alice. _Why_ are you intending to sleep in it?"

Alice puffed out a breath of exasperation. "Because Bella only packed sexy lingerie."

"You don't have to bundle up to be safe from me, Alice. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it."

And so it had went, Edward badgering her to take off the robe and Alice insisting she was quite comfortable, thank you, but finally giving in because he just wouldn't give up and she was tired of arguing. The little white nightie was made of lace and gauze and it left little to the imagination. As promised, he didn't leer at her but he did tell her in an oddly raspy voice that she was gorgeous.

It made her angry every time he said something like this, because hadn't he told her early on that it was plump, curvy girls that he found attractive? Girls with lush, rounded figures, like Bella? And he was trying to tell Alice, with her stick-thin arms that she usually hid under long sleeves, and flat chest, that she was _gorgeous_. She was disgusted with herself that she had ever fallen for his bullshit, but she supposed she shouldn't be too hard on herself. After all, he'd had nine millenia to practice those lines.

She didn't think he'd slept in the bed. His side was unmussed. She felt grateful for that. With him around, the vulnerability of the death-like day sleep scared her a little. She needed to get a dayman, she decided. Someone who would protect her.

She picked up the hotel robe off the floor and shrugged into it before she rose and headed for the bathroom where she'd left her suitcase the previous evening. She looked up in the mirror and jumped a little.

"You scared me," she said to FantasyEdward.

He didn't answer, and instead ran a line of kisses up the side of her throat. "Don't trust him, Alice. He wants to take me away from you and leave you all alone again."

"I know," Alice said. "I won't let him do it, I promise."

She unzipped the suitcase. Bella had packed an outfit for her, wrapped in tissue paper. She opened it and found a pink silk dress with matching shoes. Of course Bella wouldn't have given her jeans and a t-shirt. She couldn't put this on. What had Bella been _thinking_? She knew that Alice couldn't wear skirts like this. It would barely reach her knees and the skirt was full and light, like the one she'd been wearing when -

"Stop," FantasyEdward ordered.

"What do I do now?" She covered her face with her hands.

"Put it on," FantasyEdward advised. "You only have to wear it until you get to the house. You don't have anything else."

"I am going to murder Bella McCarty," Alice vowed as she stripped off the nightie. She wadded it up and stuffed it in the trash can. Knowing Bella, she'd probably just trashed about three grand's worth of lace and gauze.

"She's not doing it to hurt you, Doc. She wants you and Edward to be happy together. She's probably imagining some tender little romance novel scene where his gentle lovemaking has instantly cured you of your trauma."

She stripped and slid the dress on over her head. The bodice was smooth an unadorned, with a scooped neckline. The skirt had a built-in slip and it flared out slightly. The feel of it against her legs was almost unbearable. And the heels! The last time she had worn shoes like these -

"You look beautiful, Doc," FantasyEdward told her. "You used to wear pretty clothes like this, remember?"

"That was before," she said tightly. "I don't want him _looking_ at me."

"He'd be looking at you even if you wore a nun's habit."

Alice snorted. "He'd probably be even more turned on by the illicit thrill."

"Christ, Doc, you're even more cynical than I am these days."

She met his eyes in the mirror. "If I am, it's because he made me this way."

* * *

><p>Edward paced in front of the bathroom door and listened to Alice talk to her fantasy version of him. He fought the urge to burst in and grab her by the arms and shout, "<em>I'm right here! The <em>real_ me!"_ But she didn't want anything to do with the real Edward.

The relief on her face when she realized he hadn't slept in the bed with her was painful to see, as was the way she carefully covered herself before she even got out of the bed. She didn't trust him. That much was painfully obvious.

He had no idea how to go about curing her of the trauma she had endured. Dr. Carlisle had told him he needed to make real life more interesting than her fantasy world, and so far, his efforts had been soundly rebuffed. He'd been sure that the lab he'd installed for her would spark her interest, but she'd barely looked at it. Not even the library had cracked that dull indifference.

He heard the rustle of fabric. A few moments later, the bathroom door opened and Alice emerged in a pretty pink dress, flattering to her figure and complexion. But he could tell she was deeply discomforted wearing it. She tried to cover her body as though she were nude. She crossed her arms over her chest and then tugged at the skirt, then crossed her arms again.

"What's wrong, Alice?" he asked.

"This!" she cried, and yanked so hard at the skirt that he heard the tear of fabric. "I can't stand this."

"All right," he soothed. "Give me a few minutes and I'll fix it."

He pulled the blanket from the bed and draped it over her shoulders. She eagerly disappeared down into its folds. Edward left the room and rode the elevator down into the lobby. While he was there, he ordered that his car be brought around and then went into the hotel gift shop. As he'd hoped, they sold souvenir clothing, sweaters and sweat pants with the hotel logo on them. They even had pairs of canvas shoes. He had to estimate the size and he knew that even if they were too large for her, she'd still prefer them to the heels Bella had packed for her.

The garish colors of the sweats made him grimace. Alice used to wear things like that horrifying chartreuse, but according to Rose, she hadn't worn anything but shapeless gray and black since her kidnapping. He purchased a set in "small"; they'd still be far too large for her, but she would like the bagginess.

He carried the bag up to their suite and found her sitting in a corner, the blanket wrapped tightly around herself, her eyes blank and empty. "Doc?" he said gently. He crouched down in front of her, careful not to get too close. "Doc?"

He had to call her name a couple more times before awareness came back into her eyes. She blinked at him, and for a moment, the confusion in her eyes made it seem as though she didn't recognize him. "I brought you some more comfortable clothes," he said and put the bag down in front of her. Alice snatched it up and bolted for the bathroom, still wrapped in the blanket. He heard fabric tear and then a sigh of relief.

She emerged a few minutes later, her tiny body lost within the bunched, baggy folds. She carried the blanket with her and tossed it down on the bed. When she turned her back, he saw the outline of her scabbard, but decided not to mention it.

"Did the shoes fit?" Edward asked.

"Yes." She paused for a long moment and then said, "Thank you, Edward. I feel much better now."

"You're welcome, Doc. Are you ready to go home?"

"Home?" She blinked in confusion. "Oh, you mean the villa."

He suppressed a sigh. "Yeah, the villa. I'd like it if you could think of it as home."

"It will be, I suppose, at least for the next four years, three hundred and sixty-four days."

She was keeping count? He clenched his jaw and said nothing as he went into the bathroom to collect her suitcase. Her wedding dress was in a careless pile on the floor, beside the shreds of the pink dress. He picked up the white gown and carefully folded it into the suitcase. It might mean nothing to her now, but he hoped it would someday.

Two million dollars worth of diamonds lay in a careless heap on the vanity, her engagement and wedding ring among them. The box for the gems was in the front pocket of her suitcase. He took it out and arranged them in their proper place on the velvet lining before he snapped it shut. He put the rings into his pocket. He should have known, he thought.

He could hear her talking to his invisible counterpart and felt a surge of irrational jealousy. _Patience_, he told himself. He wasn't going to win her back overnight. He emerged from the bathroom and Alice fell silent. Edward picked up his own suitcase in his other hand. His wedding suit was folded carefully inside. He'd surprised himself with his sentimentality toward it.

In the car, he tried to coax her to talk to him. "How's your work on the archives going?"

She stared out the passenger window. "Fine."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

He wanted to sigh again. The old Alice had been irrepressibly excited about whatever it was she was working on at the time. She now sounded as indifferent as though she worked at Walmart. He felt a pang of regret and hoped like hell he hadn't destroyed that part of her. Her enthusiasm and curiosity was a major part of what made her _Alice_.

"Are you still doing research on personality changes in fledgelings?"

"No."

"Why not?"

It was a long moment before she answered. She was becoming as taciturn as Rose. "I lost my research in the fire."

"I could help you rebuild it," he offered.

She shook her head and resumed staring out the window. His hands tightened on the steering wheel.

They pulled up in front of the villa and Alice wordlessly went inside. He followed her after retrieving their suitcases and went straight to their huge walk-in closet where he carefully arranged their wedding clothes on padded hangers and hung them on the rod in the very back. His side was filled with designer suits and the shirts he wore under them, arranged according to color, a rainbow spectrum in linen, silk and Egyptian cotton. Alice's side was occupied by a handful of sweaters in glum hues, and there were a few pairs of baggy jeans the built-in drawers below. That was all. The rest of the bar hung empty.

He began to mentally formulate plans to purchase her a new wardrobe, but stopped himself in mid-thought. He recalled what Emmett had told him so long ago when he had bought extravagant gifts for Bella: It was supposed to be about what _she_ wanted, not what he wanted for her. He should have learned his lesson then, but he'd made the same mistake with Alice. He'd been a little wounded when he saw all of the presents he'd bought for her still in their packages, tossed indifferently into her coat closet, but he had to accept that he wasn't going to impress Alice by giving her gifts she did not want.

Where was she? He didn't find her in their bedroom, nor her lab or library. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and caught a whiff of her scent, which he followed like a bloodhound. She was in one of the guest rooms, sitting on the edge of the bed, her arms raised as though she had them draped around invisible shoulders. Her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted. When she heard Edward enter, her eyes flew open and she quickly dropped her arms.

"What?" she demanded.

"I couldn't find you."

Alice tilted her head slightly, listening to a voice only she could hear. Her eyes hardened. "You're going to follow me around now?"

He thought quickly. "I was going to ask if you'd like to watch a movie with me." The villa boasted its own theater-style media room, with an assortment of puffy armchairs on descending platforms.

"A movie," Alice repeated.

"I know you like _Dr. Who_. We have the boxed set if you'd like to watch a few episodes with me."

She eyed him with suspicion but rose to her feet. "All right."

Edward was pleased with the small victory. He led her to the media room and sat down in the recliner next to the one she chose after loading the DVD. She tugged the throw blanket off of the back of the chair and draped it over her whole body, leaving only her head exposed. She wasn't cold. She was hiding. Edward took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He reminded himself that his most important task was to make her feel safe. If he accomplished that goal, she wouldn't need that blanket.

He glanced over at her often during the show. She didn't laugh at any of the jokes and she stared at the screen blankly. He couldn't tell if she was simply rapt or if she had slipped into her fantasy world again. He was tempted to pry into her head to find out but resisted the impulse. Invading her privacy like that wouldn't help her to feel safe.

They watched all of the episodes on the disc because Alice never indicated she wanted to stop. It was nearing dawn when the last one finished.

"Are you hungry?" he asked her.

She shook her head. He frowned slightly. He hadn't seen her feed yesterday, so she had to be hungry. _Don't push. Don't push._ "All right. Let's get you to bed."

Panic widened her eyes. She clutched the blanket like a shield.

"Alice, I promised," he reminded her. He couldn't stand the suspicion and fear in her eyes, and had to pull his own gaze away. "Come on. There's only a few minutes before you'll conk out in that chair and I'll have to carry you to bed."

That prospect horrified her. She stood and tossed the blanket down and hurried past him out the door. He released the sigh that had been building and followed her to their room. "Your pajamas are hanging in the bathroom."

She narrowed her eyes. "Did you go through my stuff?"

"No, the housekeepers put away your things, and laid your pajamas out for you. They were trying to be nice."

Alice darted into the bathroom and he heard the click of the lock engaging. Christ, did she really think that if he wanted inside, that flimsy little lock would stop him? He heard the rattle of the sword and scabbard she wore. He hoped she wasn't intending to wear it to bed.

She emerged in her flannel pajamas, dark charcoal gray, with her sword in one hand. She slipped it under the bed. The fear was back in her eyes when she regarded the bed and then flicked her eyes in Edward's direction. Before he could say anything, she tilted her head. Whatever she heard made relief flash over her features. She crawled into the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Edward walked around to the other side and lay down on top of the blankets, which he knew would make her a little more comfortable.

"Sleep well, Doc," he murmured, and he sensed the sun break over the horizon. She fell unconscious the instant it did. He reached over and gently caressed her hair, soft black silk. So beautiful. He forced himself to stop, because he knew that if she was aware he was touching her while she slept, she would freak out. This was not the way to regain her trust.

There was one touch that was necessary, however. He pushed up her sleeve and gently pinched the skin on her arm. When he released it, it retained the shape his fingers had pressed it into before slowly settling down. Just as he thought; she needed to feed. Badly. Why would she deny she was hungry? She wasn't trying to starve herself, was she? He considered that for a moment and then dismissed it. As broken and anguished as she was, she wasn't suicidal, nor had she considered going into hibernation. Maybe it was just her nerves. He'd warm her some blood before she woke at sunset and she'd probably be unable to resist it once she caught a whiff of the scent.

He settled down beside her, facing her. He couldn't resist one last touch. He caressed her cheek and then simply let his eyes feast on her, as he couldn't do when she was awake.

* * *

><p>As he'd predicted, Alice greedily gulped down the warmed blood. She barely had time to sit up before she'd grabbed the mug from the nightstand where he'd placed it.<p>

He was seated beside her on the bed and she backed up slightly as soon as she had finished drinking and her mind had cleared a little from the hunger-haze that overtook young vampires when they smelled blood. "Thank you," she said, and put the mug back on the nightstand.

"You're welcome," he replied.

She shuffled away from him a little more, unease tightening her features. He stood, knowing that invading her space wouldn't help earn her trust, but Jesus Christ, he wished he could hold her in his arms. Just for a moment. To feel her head laying on his chest, to smooth that soft, rumpled hair and give her the comfort she needed so badly. "What would you like to do this evening?" he asked.

"I'm going back to work on the archives at the Tower."

"Alice, this is our honeymoon. You can take a few days off."

"You asked me what I would like to do. That's what I'd like to do." Her face was stony, her jaw clenched as though she was preparing for a fight.

He sighed. "All right, Doc. Whatever you want. I'll have your car brought around."

Alice hopped off the bed and went into the closet to select her clothes. Edward picked up the phone and spoke into it more tersely than he had intended. She didn't even look at him when she left the closet, clothes in hand, and went into the bathroom. He heard the click of the lock and closed his eyes. The shower started and suddenly, he was lost in a fantasy about the water rolling off her skin.

_"Mm, Doc," he whispered. Water trickled from her pebbled nipple and he bent to lick it off ..._

In the shower, Alice was indulging in her own fantasy. She pinched her lips together because she knew Edward was still in the bedroom and she didn't want him to hear her moan. She reached down and tangled her fingers in FantasyEdward's hair. The struggle not to make a sound, to keep her breathing regular, made it even more exciting. She couldn't hold back a little hitching breath when the pulses of pleasure rolled through her. He stood and pinned her against the wall of the shower. She had to press a hand over her lips as he filled her. She propped one foot on the soap dish and tossed her head back under the shower's spray. Thank God that RealEdward couldn't hear the things that his fantasy counterpart was whispering in her ear, things that made her insides clench.

The look he gave her when she emerged from the bathroom made her think that he _knew_, but he didn't say anything about it. He followed her into the foyer and opened the sideboard that stood beneath a beautiful still life painting of a bowl of fruit. Her purse was inside, and he handed it to her, along with another item, a black rectangular object in a nylon case. She popped the clasps on the side and recoiled at what she saw inside. "What's this for?"

"To shoot people," he replied with a small smile.

She rolled her eyes. "I know that, Edward. What I'm asking is why you want me to carry a gun."

"For protection, obviously."

"I have my sword."

He nodded. "And you're quite skilled with it, I know. This is simply a form of backup protection."

"Vampires aren't harmed by bullets."

He gave her a teasing gasp and look of astonishment. "_Really_?"

A ghost of a smile played around her lips. "Okay, yeah, stupid statement. Are you expecting I'll be threatened by humans?"

He hesitated. "It's always a possibility. There are a lot of grieving daymen who have reason to hate me and want revenge."

"Which reminds me: I'm going to apply for a dayman of my own."

Edward frowned. "Why? You don't need one."

She glared at him and he quickly recanted with a sigh. "Whatever you want, Doc. I was just going to say that we have plenty of staff already if it was some task that you needed them to do."

She took her purse and shoved the gun inside.

"When will you be home?" he asked quietly.

"I'm not sure." She opened the front door and saw that little Fiat Edward had bought for her idling in the driveway. Edward followed her out and stood by the drivers' door. She gave him an irritable glance. "What?"

"If you're going to be past midnight, will you please call?"

"I wasn't aware that I had to check in with you regarding my whereabouts."

Edward closed his eyes for a moment. "That's not what I'm saying, Doc. I'm just asking if you would please call me so I don't worry about you."

That threw her off guard for a moment. She never imagined that Edward would worry about her. "Um, okay," she said and pulled her door shut. She drove away and left him standing in the driveway, watching her.

It was hard to find a parking space near the Tower. Since she'd never driven there, she hadn't even thought about where she'd park her car, but Rome, like many ancient cities, had narrow streets and tightly packed buildings, not car-friendly, even for little Fiats. She finally found a spot in an alley a few blocks away and trotted through the darkened street to the Tower. Having lived inside it and rarely left, Alice wasn't used to the security procedures for visitors.

"Name?"

"Alice Brandon."

The guard checked his list. "No Alice Brandon on here."

"That's impossible. I work in the archives. Is there someone you can call?"

"The list is updated and printed out every evening. It's correct."

She nearly growled with impatience. "Obviously, it's _not._ I work here. Call someone!"

"No."

"What do you mean, _no?_"

"I mean that there's no point. If you're not on the list, you're not getting in."

Alice rubbed her forehead. An idea occurred to her: "Check for Alice Masen."

He glanced down at his clipboard. "_Lady_ Alice Masen?"

She hadn't realized she would share Edward's title, too. "Well, I suppose so. I just got married."

He glanced down at her hand. "You're not wearing a ring."

_Oh, for God's sake._ "I took them off this morning when I washed my hands and forgot to put them back on. Now, if you're done interrogating me about my jewelery, can I go in now?"

He held out a hand. "Your purse, Lady Masen." He rifled through it and took out her gun, and then he used a metal detecting wand to scan over her body. "I'll need your sword as well."

Alice's eyes went wide. "No. I can't. I need it."

"You're not getting inside wearing it."

"Call the Queen. She'll tell you - "

"Rules are rules, Lady Masen. Take it off or leave."

Tears welled in Alice's eyes. "_Please_."

"Rules are rules," he repeated. He held out his hand and Alice handed it over, pink tears streaking her cheeks. He had no sympathy whatsoever. He locked them in one of the lockers lining the entryway and handed her the key. Alice stuffed it in the pocket of her jeans. As she walked down the hall, her arms came up to hug herself. She felt so _naked_, so vulnerable without that sword. She headed down the spiral steps to the Tower's basement slowly. The lights weren't on and she descended into a pool of darkness.

It had to be the lack of the sword which made her so afraid. She'd been down here hundreds of times. _But never alone_, her mind spoke up.

No, never alone.

She crept forward slowly. The electricity down here had been installed in the 1930s, and they ran wires on the interior wood walls, instead of drilling through the stone to install them where it was most convenient. That meant the light switch for the basement was almost in the center of the room. When Tyler had been with her, Alice would stride to it with easy confidence, not thinking a thing of it. But now that she was alone, the darkness took on a sinister cast. Her vampire eyes could see in the tiny bit of light that came in through the two ground-level windows, but it might have been better if she'd been cast into complete darkness. Then she wouldn't have seen how the shadows moved.

Alice gasped and spun around, but when her gaze fell directly on them, the shadows froze properly in place. A dry whisper, like a snake slithering across stone. Her feet were frozen in place and she couldn't reach the switch from here.

"_Mary Aaaaaaalice."_

"Stop it. You're dead." Alice squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the panic from taking her.

"_Mary Aaaaaaalice."_

"Edward," she begged. "Edward, are you here?"

If she could have felt his touch, or heard his voice, it might have stopped her from plunging into the abyss, but just like the real Edward, he wasn't there when she needed him the most.

* * *

><p>Edward was surprised to see Alice's name on the screen when his phone rang around nine o'clock. He set aside the book he'd been reading while lying on their bed (he was using her pillow behind his head, so that he could turn his face into the cotton every now and then and inhale her faint scent). "Hello, Alice," he said.<p>

"No, it's Victoria." The Queen's voice sounded a little strained.

Edward bolted upright and pushed his feet into his shoes. "What's wrong?" The only reason she'd be calling from Alice's phone was an emergency.

"It's Alice. She's not hurt, so don't panic, but she's had some sort of ... break down."

Edward was already in the foyer. He grabbed his keys from the hook and headed for the garage. "Explain."

"She's hysterical, Edward. None of us know what happened, but she was in the basement and started screaming. The door guard was the closest and he got to her first. She ... uh ... she was in the dark and must have thought he was attacking her when he tried to pick her up off the floor. He's a bloody mess."

He didn't give a fuck about the guard. "Is she all right?"

Victoria hesitated. "She's just ... screaming, Edward. Screaming, and no one can calm her down."

"On my way," Edward said. He clicked off the phone and hit the button to open the garage door bay where his Bugatti was stored.

The trip should have taken twenty minutes. Edward made it in five. He had broken every traffic law known to man and probably had given heart attacks to some of the other drivers on the road, but he didn't care. Alice needed him. His tires squalled as he pulled up in front of the Tower and leapt out, negligently blocking the road, leaving the engine running and the driver's door ajar. He could hear Alice's screams as he ran up to the door and he didn't bother knocking. He kicked it open, nearly flattening Victoria, who waited on the other side. She pointed wordlessly, but Edward didn't need directions. He could hear Alice and her screams cut through him like a blade. He ran down the stone steps and found Alice in a corner, surrounded by a semi-circle of concerned vampires and daymen.

"Back the fuck off!" he shouted at them. He knew they were just trying to help, but they were making the situation worse. "Get out of here. You're scaring my wife."

Alice was staring sightlessly, her hands pressed to the sides of her head. Edward pulled her into his arms, even though he thought she'd probably fight him, and even though worried that it might make her terror worse, but it was what his instincts drove him to do, to comfort his mate. Alice surprised him when she sagged into his arms. "I'm here, Doc. I've got you." He repeated it again and again, until she stopped screaming and began to sob, helplessly, on his shoulder.

"It's him, the man with the knife," she whispered, her voice raw and hoarse. "He's calling to me."

_He's dead, Doc. You saw Laurent kill him. _But that's not what he said. Alice had to accept reality on her own. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Doc, I swear." Edward kissed her temple. "I'm the most powerful goddam vampire on the planet, and they'll have to get through me first."

Alice laid her head against his chest and accepted his embrace. Despite how it had originated, he felt like this this was progress. At least, he hoped it was.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

..

_Sleepless dreamless desperate and trapped.  
>Sightless soundless all there is, is black.<br>Thirsty, starving, body wrought with pain.  
>Freezing, burning, it will never change.<br>No end, no rest, nowhere left to go.  
>Whining, crying for pity on your soul.<br>Endless conquest for your sanity.  
>Shadow whisper you must follow me.<br>Ruthless attacks on your will power.  
>Senseless savage minutes like hours.<br>Confused, confined, kept out and locked in.  
>Haunted, hunted, payment for your sins.<em>

- Jim Morrison "Prisoner of Reality"

..

Edward carried Alice out to his Bugatti. Her arms were around his neck in a desperate stranglehold, and her tiny body shook so hard he was afraid he might drop her. He murmured softly to her, though he couldn't even have said which language he was speaking. Her whimpers broke his heart.

His car was still blocking the street. Cars honked and people leaned out of windows to shout insults. Edward snarled at them and the line of cars fell silent, impressed by his ferocity, and perhaps by the pair of fangs he flashed. He opened the passenger door and carefully laid Alice on the seat. She wouldn't let go of him and he had to gently pry her arms off so he could dash around to the driver's side. She whimpered softly her hands seeking in the air in front of her, as though she were blind. He grabbed one of them. "I'm right here, Doc. Right here with you."

He started the engine and made a sharp u-turn in the middle of the street. "We'll be home soon. Just hang in there, Doc." Once he was outside the city limits, he floored it, weaving in and out of traffic.

Alice's soft whimpers tapered off abruptly, as though her batteries had died, and he glanced over at her. "Doc?"

She didn't answer. He tore his eyes from her to check the road, and then back to her strangely still form. "Talk to me, Doc."

Nothing. She stared straight ahead, motionless.

"Shit!" He swerved the car over to the side of the road and was around to her side in a flash. He yanked the door open and crouched down beside her and cupped her face in his hands. "No, no, no. Stay with me, Doc, come on, stay with me." He stared down into her eyes, fledgling eyes which hadn't lost much of their color, and watched them lose their focus, awareness melting away into an empty, blank stare.

"Stay with me, Doc, please ... Doc!" He shook her. He patted her cheek. "Doc, look at me. Please! Doc!"

But it was too late. She was gone. Her glassy stare was that of a doll. Edward unclipped her seatbelt and pulled her out of the car into his arms. He remembered now why he had cut off his emotions so many millenia ago. Because it hurt too much to lose someone you loved.

* * *

><p>Rose came out of Alice and Edward's bedroom, carrying with her the feeding supplies.<p>

"How is she?" Edward asked, as he always did.

Rose shook her head. She went to the bathroom and rinsed out the plastic tubing she used to force blood down Alice's throat. Without it, Alice would slip into hibernation. Edward would have done it himself, but Rose insisted that Alice still had some glimmer of awareness and didn't want her to have negative experiences associated with Edward.

Six months now. For the first week, Edward had been convinced she would come out of it soon, like Tyler said she always had. (Edward had hated calling him, but he had no other choice.) He put her in a quiet, well-lit room as Tyler advised and waited. At the beginning of the second week, he had waved a mug full of warmed blood beneath her nose, certain her hunger would break through her catatonia. But Alice wasn't breathing, so she didn't smell it. He'd tried dribbling a little into her mouth, but she wouldn't swallow.

He'd called Bella. He'd called Rose. He'd called the Queen. He'd called Dr. Carlisle. Each of them had suggestions, but none of them had worked. Rose had come to stay, to help him to take care of Alice. It was she who forced the tube down Alice's throat to pour in the blood she needed to keep her from going into hibernation and changed Alice's clothes every day.

Edward read to her. He burned her favorite scented candles, though they stung his sensitive nose. He kept her favorite music playing on the stereo. He slept beside her when he was exhausted, and he lay beside her each morning when dawn came and her eyes closed, waiting until the sun set and they would open again. He began to accept that this was how they would spend the rest of their existence together.

So it was a complete shock when he opened his eyes one evening and saw her sitting beside him, twisting her hands in anxiety.

"Alice!" he blurted. He sat up and seized her upper arms as if he could keep her here, keep her awake, by holding onto her.

"Where are we, Edward?" she asked, looking around with an utterly bewildered expression.

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head. "I don't understand. Did I apologize to you yet for our fight? I can't remember."

"What fight?" he asked slowly.

She rubbed her temples as if trying to force the memories to surface. "We ... We came home from the nightclub and you wanted to ... you know. And I screamed at you that I wouldn't be a cheap substitute for Bella ... Then I - " She looked up at him and blinked in confusion. "I don't know what happened next. But now we're _here_, somewhere else. None of this makes sense."

Carlisle had tried to prepare him for various scenarios: that Alice might never come out of her catatonic state, that she could emerge from it with a different personality, even that she might have gone completely mad and would have to be destroyed (though they'd have to go through Edward first). But never had Carlisle suggested Alice might not remember anything since the night of her kidnapping. Jesus Christ, what was he supposed to say?

She narrowed her eyes at him. "This isn't one of your grand romantic gestures, is it? Seriously, Edward, you should have asked me first."

He gave her a non-committal smile and stood. "I have to make a call, Alice. Please, just wait right here, okay?"

"Okay," she said and tossed her hands, confused, but willing to play along. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. He had to know. She looked a little surprised by the gesture, but she didn't recoil. Didn't look frightened. _Holy shit._

He hurried down the hallway to Rose's room. He didn't knock. She looked up from where she was lying on the foot of her bed, watching Italian soap operas on Tivo.

"She's awake," he said.

She sat up, concern in her eyes. Over the last six months, he had learned Rose's silent methods of communication and discovered that they were often more meaningful than words.

"She doesn't remember any of it," he continued and watched her eyes widen in shock.

"Go now, sit with her. Watch her, just in case ... I have to call Dr. Carlisle and find out how to approach this. Don't answer any of her questions until I get his opinion on it. She thinks it may be a romantic gesture on my part, so don't dissuade her of that notion yet."

Rose hesitated.

"I'm not saying to _lie_ to her. Just refuse to say anything, just for a few minutes, until I find out what we should do."

She nodded and he released a sigh of relief. He bolted from the room and down the stairs, his Testoni loafers clapping against the marble, and into the living room, where he snatched a portable phone from the cradle. From there, he went out to the patio around the pool, far enough away that she couldn't hear him. He had Dr. Carlisle's number programed into his phone and he dialed it with a hand that shook. While it rang, he lit a cigarette and smoked it in short, staccato puffs. It rang three times before Carlisle answered, which seemed endless and Edward had to resist the urge to snap at him.

He didn't fuck around with pleasantries. "She's awake," he said. "And she doesn't remember anything after our date on the night she was kidnapped."

"Oh."

"What the fuck do you mean, '_oh_'?" Edward snarled. "Goddammit, I -" He cut off and threw his cigarette to the ground and immediately lit another. He exhaled a stream of smoke on a sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean - "

"Unimportant," Carlisle said dismissively. "Tell me exactly what happened."

Edward related the events quickly and tersely. "So, what is it? Is it part of her ... problem?"

"Very possibly. Her mind may have decided she had too much trauma and so it simply shut off those memories until a time when she'll be better able to cope with them."

"When might that be?"

"Maybe never. Maybe tomorrow. It's impossible to predict these kinds of things."

"So, what the fuck do I do? Do I tell her the truth? She just woke up in Italy, married to me, though I haven't dropped that particular bombshell on her. And she has no fucking clue how she got here."

"My advice is to tell her as little as possible. You want her to remember at her own pace, as her mind deems acceptable."

"She's going to want answers," Edward said. "Nearly a year of her fucking life is missing."

"Whatever you do, Edward, _don't lie to her_. Try to avoid answering as much as possible, but don't be dishonest."

"Great. Do the impossible, then. You know Alice. You know she doesn't let a question go until she has an answer."

"Just do your best."

Edward hung up by throwing the phone as far as he could and swore in three different languages while pacing the patio. He tossed his cigarette butt down and went back into the house, up to their bedroom. He paused in front of the door and smoothed his hair down as much as he could and propped a smile in place. Rose was placidly embroidering while Alice wandered around and examined the room's furnishings.

"This place is beautiful, Edward," she said. "It looks like something out of a magazine."

"Thank you," he replied. "I'm glad you like it."

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Alice stuck out her left hand, where his huge diamond engagement ring and wedding band gleamed.

He nodded.

Alice blinked rapidly. "I must have been very, very drunk."

He let out a bark of laughter and she was instantly abashed. "I didn't mean I'd have to be drunk to marry you. I mean, I must have been because I don't remember it, but if you'd asked me while I was sober ... Aw, jeeze. Can we start over again?"

"I would love to," he said, with deep sincerity.

* * *

><p>They went on a walk around the grounds, holding hands as they strolled. The property was lovely, rolling hills, dotted with olive trees, verdant and lush, immaculately maintained by his gardeners to look wild and untouched. There was a lake about a quarter mile from the house, like a silver handkerchief dropped between the hills. The moon glimmered on its surface and Alice was entranced.<p>

In some dark recess of her mind, she had to know something was wrong. Her lack of questions told him that much, but she seemed to have decided to ignore it. They were both playing along according to a silent, mutually agreed-upon script and that struck Edward as pretty unhealthy, Dr. Carlisle's advice not withstanding.

"God, it's so beautiful," she whispered.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." He said it as a quip, a cheesy line, more than overly-clichéd, but her eyes softened. She turned to him and slid his arms up around his neck. "You're such a flirt," she teased.

Her lips quirked up in a smile and he couldn't pull his gaze away from them. How long had it been since he had seen her genuinely smile? Those dimples, he had almost forgot about them, and the way her eyes sparkled when she looked at him ... He was lost. He leaned in and kissed her, kissed her as he had wanted to do for so long, with all of the passion and love within him. They tumbled down into the soft grass and he lay atop her, his hands thrust into her hair as he kissed her again and again, nearly a year's worth of kisses. She moaned and her hands fumbled for the buttons on his shirt.

He caught her hands and drew back. "No, honey." As much as he wanted it, he couldn't take advantage of her memory loss. This was love, he thought. What Bella had tried to tell him so long ago. It wasn't about what he wanted. It was about Alice.

"What do you mean, '_No_'?" she laughed. "You're refusing me my conjugal rights?"

He kissed her hands. "I love you, Alice, I want to show you that it's not just physical for me."

Her eyes melted. "Oh, God, Edward, that's so sweet."

"I'm going to show you how much you mean to me." He pressed a kiss against her smooth brow and then laid his own forehead down on hers, their noses touching.

"I don't think you'll be able to resist me," Alice said with a little grin.

"I'll do my best," he murmured. Her lips beckoned him and he pressed a little kiss there before rolling over and getting to his feet. He helped her up and she dusted off her blouse. "Why am I dressed like a janitor, by the way?"

He shrugged. "We can go shopping tomorrow, if you'd like."

"That sounds like fun!"

The old, exuberant Alice was back. God, how he had missed her. He smiled at her and lifted her hand for a kiss. They walked back to the house together, hand in hand. She stopped near the edge of the field and bent down to scoop something out of the grass. "What's a phone doing out here?"

* * *

><p>"I dunno, he's been a little ... weird," Alice told Bella. They were strolling down a brightly lit street in the shopping district. Alice had a handful of bags swinging from her wrist, but Bella had bought so much that it had to be delivered. She'd talked Alice into buying more than she probably should have, especially since designer clothes had never been Alice's favorites. She liked fun and bright clothes, not the sleek, sophisticated stuff that Bella preferred. When she'd gone shopping with Edward, he'd taken her to the mall, where she'd shopped in the young and trendy stores. He'd put his foot down on her buying costume jewelry, though, insisting she wear the elaborate gem sets he'd given her (<em>when<em>?) because, as he said, she was a precious jewel herself and deserved to be adorned by them.

"Weird, how?" Bella asked.

Alice gestured her over to sit on a bench near a fountain. She glanced around to make sure no one was in earshot. Bella's bodyguard stopped a few paces away to give them privacy, but still keep an eye over his charge. "Would you believe we haven't ... um ... _you know_ ... since we got here?"

Bella's face was impassive. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. It's like he's _waiting_ on something. I've made it clear I'd be, you know, _interes__ted, _but he still hasn't ... I mean, I can _tell_ he's interested ..." Alice fumbled to a halt. "It's the weirdest thing. Especially for _him_."

"Do you love him?" Bella asked.

"Yes. Yes I do. And I'm so scared, Bella. He says he loves me, but what does that _mean_ to him? I keep thinking that he's only seventeen, and he'll always _be_ seventeen. It's hard to trust him when I know that he's physically_ incapable_ of thinking like a mature adult."

"You have to tell him what you want, Alice. as far as I know, he's never had a serious relationship. He doesn't know what you expect of him."

"That's one thing that worries me," Alice admitted. "You know what he's like, Bella. If he's not getting it from me, he's getting it _somewhere._ He told me himself that he thinks monogamy is ridiculous."

Bella leaned forward, her eyes earnest. "Alice, as far as I know, he hasn't touched another woman since he was with you."

Alice scoffed.

"I'm serious," Bella said. "It's the talk of the vampire world, actually. You tamed the savage badboy."

Alice said nothing. She twisted her wedding ring.

"He's trying, Alice. He's trying really hard to be the kind of man worthy of being your mate. You're right, he'll never be fully mature and he'd probably make some block-headed mistakes along the way, but his entire focus is you, and trying to make you happy."

"It's like he's holding out everything I ever wanted, but I'm afraid to take it. I always wanted a love like you and Emmett have. At one point, I envied you and Emmett so much that I -" She cut off abruptly, confused by her own words. She'd been about to say that she _hated_ Bella, but that couldn't be true. When had she been envious of Emmett and Bella?

She tried to remember, but warning bells went off in a distant part of her mind that this was not a line of thought she wanted to pursue and she'd become adept at side-stepping those mental landmines. She was happy, and something told her that if she pushed past the barriers, that happiness would end. She thought Edward was happy, too, but once in a while, she'd catch him looking at her with a wistful expression, one that he instantly hid when she looked in his direction.

As soon as she arrived home, Alice went into her closet. She dropped the bags on the floor and walked to the very back, where a long, simple white dress was suspended from the rod on a padded hanger. She ran her fingers down one of the sleeves.

"You looked so beautiful in that dress," Edward said from behind her.

"It must have been the happiest moment of my life, and I can't remember it."

His eyes were guarded. "I know it was the happiest of mine." He stepped forward and she went into his arms. She laid her head against his chest and inhaled deeply of his delicious scent. She tilted her head up and went on tiptoe as she pulled his head down to hers. The kiss was gentle and sweet until she let out a tiny moan, and then he kissed her wildly, his hands sliding under her shirt to caress her skin. He let out a groan and tried to pull back.

"No!" she said. She seized his head between her hands when he would have turned away. She looked deep into his eyes. "I want this."

"I can't."

She began to unbutton his shirt. "You can." She slid her hands over his cool flesh, down his chest, down over his stomach ...

"I don't want you to regret it." His voice sounded strangled. His hands seemed drawn toward her like a magnet, but he drew them back with an effort.

"I know what I want. I could never regret it, Edward, not when I need you so badly."

Her words broke down the last of his resistance. Before she could blink, he had scooped her up and she found herself in their bed, lying back against the pillows, being devoured by Edward's hungry kisses. She let out a soft whimper of anticipation as they tore and pulled at clothing and her first feel of his naked body against her own was like a cool drink in the desert.

"Please," she begged.

"No, Doc, I'm going to do this right."

She didn't know how much more 'right' it could possibly be until he showed her. She'd never known her body to be capable of such burning, uncontrollable lust.

"I love you," he rasped, as he joined his body with hers. "I love you, Doc. Ah, fuck ..."

"I love you, too."

He ceased his movements and cupped her face between his hands. "I've never made love before."

The significance of that statement made tears well in her eyes, though she smiled, and the tears spilled down over her temples. He bent and kissed them away. "Neither have I."

It was something they would learn together. Alice finally understood what the wedding vow _'With my body, I thee worship'_ meant, for it _was_ a form of worship, of adoration, of bliss and of a deep and moving reverence. They only stopped when the dawn began to creep up toward the horizon.

"Stay with me?" she asked, pushing his unruly hair back from his forehead.

"Always," he promised, and they snuggled down under the down comforter, limbs tangled, sharing the same pillow.

* * *

><p>Edward hoped Alice never got her memory back.<p>

He didn't know if that desire was selfish, knowing as he did that she would probably retreat back into her frightened shell, hating him for breaking her heart and mind, unable to stand even innocuous touches, and that she would probably resent him for taking advantage of this time together, this eye of the storm, or if it was because he wished she could be as happy as she was now forever.

He could touch her now, and touch her he did. He traced his fingers over her face, memorizing its contours. Her eyebrows were as soft as duckling down. He relished the feel of her silky skin against his own. He drank up these sensations, knowing as he did that he could lose them at any moment, possibly never to experience them again.

He could only hope that she'd understand that he was weak. When she offered him what he wanted the most, her love, he could not resist it. As he looked back over the long vista of his existence, he realized that he'd had very little happiness in it. Fleeting moments of pleasure, certainly, but it had had a heavy emptiness. And it had been terribly, terribly lonely. His fledglings had been an attempt to fill that lonely void, but only Emmett had survived, and him just barely. Had it not been for Bella ...

He didn't want to think about that, nor the ones who had been lost so long ago. Alice was not the only one who was adept at avoiding mental quagmires.

He kissed Alice on the forehead and nuzzled his face down into her neck where he could drink in her scent until sunset. He recalled that awful Aerosmith song and had to agree with its lyrics. He didn't want to fall asleep because he didn't want to miss a single moment that he could spend with her. Because the sunset always came, and with it, a new night in which he could lose her forever.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

..

_My mind lets go a thousand things,__  
>Like dates of wars and deaths of kings,<br>__And yet recalls the very hour-__  
>'Twas noon by yonder village tower,<br>__And on the last blue noon in May-__  
>The wind came briskly up this way,<em>_  
>Crisping the brook beside the road;<em>_  
>Then, pausing here, set down its load<br>__Of pine-scents, and shook listlessly__  
>Two petals from that wild-rose tree.<em>

- "Memory" by Thomas Bailey Aldrich

..

Edward's hands guided hers to the headboard. His breath fanned over her ear and the back of her neck as he spoke. "Hang on, Doc. This is going to be a bumpy ride."

_Hang on Doc. This is going to be a very bumpy fucking ride._

He held her hips in his hands and his chest brushed up against her back as he slid into her. Despite his warning, his movements were slow and sensual.

"Did you say that to me once before?" Alice blurted.

Edward made a non-committal sound and thrust hard and fast. His fingers tightened on her hips to an almost bruising pressure.

_Hang on, Doc_ ... They'd been on a ... table of some sort. There had been papers, papers that fell to the ground like scattered leaves.

Alice shook her head. She sometimes encountered these faint shreds of memory, like brushing through an ancient cobweb in a long-abandoned attic. "Edward? Was there a table ... ?"

He stilled. "This isn't working for you," he said flatly. He pulled away and flopped onto the bed on his back, an arm thrown over his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Just ... give me a minute, Doc."

_Hang on, Doc ..._

"Why does it matter?" he asked. "Just be happy now, and leave all of that behind you."

He didn't understand. He couldn't understand what it was like to be missing a chunk of your life, a blank spot in the narrative. Something had happened. Something _bad_. She knew that from the way Bella and Edward both skirted wide around the subject. There was something that the both of them didn't _want_ her to remember.

How bizarre was it that Edward had come to her, hoping for the same type of amnesia that now afflicted Alice? Would he have eventually wondered what was missing from those two years he'd wanted to erase, like she was, even though she was afraid of the answer?

"Doc, do you trust me?" Edward rolled over and his pale green eyes bored into hers.

"Of course I do, Edward."

He picked up one of her hands and pressed a kiss to it, in the palm, and closed her fingers around it as if to hold it there. "Then, let it go. Don't try to remember. You'll be happier if you never do."

She hesitated for a moment. "Did you ... do something, Edward? Something you'd rather I forget?"

He shook his head. "Not like you're thinking, Doc."

But he had done _something_. A ghost of deep pain ...

"Doc, listen to me. Trust me when I say that it's better this way. Please."

"I can't help that these fragments of memory keep coming to me."

"But you can stop dwelling on them. Push them aside and live in the present."

His eyes were full of worry and a hint of guilt. What in the world had he _done_? Maybe he was right, that it was better for her not to know, especially if it would destroy the happiness they had in the present. She couldn't think of anything that would be worth it. Even if he had cheated on her (which she suspected was the answer; what else could possibly cause such pain that she had to bury the memory?) perhaps it was better that she didn't know.

He kissed her, and Alice twined her arms around his neck. "I love you, Doc," he murmured against her lips. "Always."

"Always," she replied.

* * *

><p>Edward answered the phone and heard Bella's voice on the other end of the line. She wanted to take Alice shopping again, but also to tell him that Emmett was coming over for a visit while the girls were out. Edward didn't say anything for a moment, shocked into silence. He finally found his voice and acquiesced to the plan. He and Emmett had spoken a little over the last couple of months, cautious forays back into friendship, or at least cordial acquaintance, but they had never spent any length of time alone with one another.<p>

When they arrived, Bella jabbered excitedly about a new collection at one of her favorite designers. "What happened to the girl who wore loose, baggy dresses?" Edward asked.

Emmett shook his head. "Personality changes. Alice was supposed to be researching this, remember? And I hoped I would get my fashion-less Bella back once she found the cure."

Bella swatted her mate's arm. "You like it, and you know it."

"Yes, dear," Emmett said, with a glum sigh, though his eyes twinkled.

"Help!" Alice whispered as Bella dragged her out of the house to the waiting car. Both men watched them drive away from the door. There were two dayman bodyguards inside, one for each woman. Emmett had been his usual, thoughtful self.

Wordlessly, they went into the front parlor. "Would you like something to drink?" Edward offered. There was a refrigerator and microwave hidden in one of the cabinets.

"Yes, thank you. You don't have to warm it."

"Plain or spiked?"

"Plain."

Edward pulled out a bottle of plain AB for Emmett and a sugary diabetic blood for himself. He handed the opened bottle to Emmett and then he took a seat on the opposite sofa. "Cheers." They both held up their bottles and tipped them in salute before they took a sip.

"How have you been?" Emmett asked politely.

Oh, Christ, it wasn't going to be strained and awkward like this the entire time, was it? "Quite well, thank you."

"Bella says that Alice is starting to get more twinges of memory."

Edward grimaced. "If I could stop it, I would, though Carlisle says she has to go through this process."

"We all knew that her memory loss probably wouldn't be permanent."

"I'd held out hope." Edward was suddenly aware of the watch on his wrist, the heavy weight of the gold case. It reminded him that his time was short. "I'm going to try to get her to stay with the two of you if she leaves me again."

Emmett nodded. "She's always welcome. Bella loves her."

"You've been a good friend to me, Emmett. Far better than I deserve. I never knew how much I loved you until I had destroyed everything between us."

"I came today because I want you to know that it's all behind us now."

"Thank you." Edward's throat was tight and he could barely force out the words. He glanced at the bottle of unwanted blood in his hand and set it on the end table by the arm of the sofa. "I've missed you, Emmett."

"I've missed you, too." Emmett gave him a small smile. "Even the old Edward."

"On occasion, I've wished I could be the old Edward again. Love hurts, especially when you know you're going to lose it."

"You can't be certain of that. Alice loves you and she's happy with you now. She'll have to take that into account when she remembers."

"Or, she'll resent the hell out of me for taking advantage of her memory loss."

"You didn't take advantage of her. You love her, Edward, and that never changed."

"Loving her has allowed me to fully understand how much I hurt you with what I did. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'll gladly take it. Does Bella - ?"

Emmett waved his hand. "She forgave you almost immediately because, somehow, she understood you better than I did. She's been trying to help me all along, but it was only after the wedding that I started listening to her. Thank you for coming, by the way. Even though I was still angry with you, it meant a lot to have you there."

He was the only one of Edward's fledgelings that had survived to have a happy life. "I never told you why I saved you in that alley."

Emmett was startled. "No, you didn't."

"You reminded me of my younger brother. I watched you fight those men, fight though there was no chance of you winning against so many opponents. My brother was the same way. He would never give up, even in the face of certain defeat."

"I didn't know you'd had a brother. You never told me anything about your mortal life."

"I never told anyone." Edward ran a hand through his hair. "I've told Alice some of it, but there are some parts I've never wanted to reveal. But it's time. Time for me to let go of the secrets. I can't hide any more from the people I love." He stood and went over to the antique desk in the corner. He opened it and withdrew his box, which he put it into Emmett's hands. Emmett blinked in shock. For nearly five hundred years, he had wondered about the contents. Wondered why it was so special that Edward would risk anything to save it.

Edward resumed his seat on the sofa. "Open it."

Emmett did, with the same sort of reverence a Christian might display to a relic of a saint. He stared at the stone figurine and then looked up at Edward with wonder in his eyes.

"My mother," Edward said.

"Holy fuck," Emmett whispered.

* * *

><p>Alice returned tired and a little grouchy. She found Edward at the edge of the garden, smoking a cigarette, and her irritation faded away.<p>

His eyes were trained on Rose, who was tending the rose bushes on the terrace below. According to Edward, she'd been doing that for months now, and the gardeners were half-convinced she was one of the fae, because the plants had exploded into riotous bloom under her care. She always wore a large, floppy hat while she worked, from habit, likely, because it wasn't to shield her skin from the starlight.

Rose was avoiding her. Alice hadn't spoken to her in weeks, and Alice was afraid that whatever-it-was she couldn't remember had somehow also hurt Rose as well. Edward said she'd come 'round in time, but Alice saw no sign of it. Then again, she hadn't seen her speak to Edward, either, so perhaps Rose was just in one of her moods.

"Hey, Doc," he said, rising to his feet. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Did you and Bella buy out Chanel's new spring line?"

"Almost. But what might interest you more is the lingerie I picked up."

He grinned. "I'm interested already."

"How did your talk with Emmett go?"

His grin faded. "It went well. I told him some things that I should have told him long ago. And there are some things I should tell you, as well."

Alice took a seat on the bench. "Only if you're ready, Edward."

"I don't know if I'll ever be, but it's time to share myself. Love means being open and honest, and I haven't been." He sat down beside her and leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees. He rubbed his face. "You asked me once about my other fledglings. Do you remember?"

She did. She'd asked him the last night she remembered, the night they had gone out to the club and then lay in the park under the stars.

"There were three. A male and two females."

She waited, but he said nothing else. "You told me they had died."

"They did. I killed them."

She tried not to show any reaction but a tiny sound escaped her.

"The first was about a century or so after I was set adrift after Nahuel was killed. I was looking for something. I didn't know what it was at the time, though I understand it now. I never befriended humans because their lives are so deplorably short, even shorter back then when forty was old age. I decided to create a companion. I chose a woman already dying, and I thought I was giving her a gift. I didn't know her beforehand, and that was my first mistake. She was mad, and she only went crazier after the change. I thought I must have done something wrong when I was changing her. I abandoned her."

"You _abandoned_ her?" Alice was appalled. Her first year as a vampire had been terribly difficult as she adjusted to her new senses and tried to learn to control her hunger, even with the support and assistance of the elder vampires at Phoenix House. She couldn't imagine what would have happened to her if she had just been pushed out to fend for herself. Actually, she did know: she wouldn't have been able to control the bloodlust and the Volturi would have hunted her down.

"I didn't particularly care what happened to her," Edward admitted. He didn't look at her as he spoke. "You know what I used to be like. Completely selfish, indifferent to those around me. I had been heedless and spoiled as a human. As a vampire, I was even worse. I didn't see others as being ... _real_."

"What happened to her?"

"She came after me. After cutting a bloody swath through the human population, she decided that she wanted revenge on me for making her what she was. Or maybe she wanted to die and knew that was the surest way to accomplish it." He lit another cigarette, but he let it burn down between his fingers, forgotten.

"The second was a male, much like me, I thought. We didn't have the term 'sociopath' in those days, but I thought he was like me: emotionally indifferent, self-absorbed and superficial. But he wasn't. The emptiness made him cruel, cruel enough that not even I could ignore it. I won't describe it, Doc, but it was horrifying. I had to destroy him."

Alice forced herself to remain silent and still. She reminded herself that he was different now, but, oh God, this was difficult to hear.

"The last was another female. She was in love with me. No, perhaps 'obsessed' is a better term. She was confident she could make me return her feelings if she was given a chance, given enough time. I liked the idea of being loved, even if I could never love her in return, but I grew bored with it quickly. Her jealousy, her tears ... And I didn't care enough about her to change my ways. She waited one morning for dawn out on our lawn. I didn't kill her myself, but I might as well have."

He noticed his cigarette was nothing but a column of ash and tossed it aside. "You've never had a fledgeling, Doc, so you might not understand that there's a certain ... attachment there. I won't say it's as powerful as the bond between parents and their children, but nature did create a certain connection between us. And every time I killed one of them, it left a scar."

His eyes finally met Alice's. "Do you understand now why I didn't want to talk about it? Why I wouldn't want you to know about me at my worst? That I wouldn't want you to know the amount of pain and destruction I caused? I regret it now, but my regret is worthless. It doesn't change anything or make up for what I did."

"Edward, do you think I didn't know who you were when I fell in love with you?" Alice took one of his hands in her own. "And I also saw the struggle you faced with the changes you went through, that you're still going through. You're a different person now, Edward. And I love the person you've become."

"I've hurt you, too, Alice, though it wasn't my intention."

"Do you remember what I said about starting over? I meant it, Edward."

He closed his eyes. "I know you did, honey."

She didn't know whether to be confused or offended. "I have another question: Why did you go to see Dr. Carlisle?"

"Because of Emmett, actually. When I saved him in that alley, I really didn't expect him to last. He was too soft. He loved easily and mourned losses again and again. That's what wears the most at our kind. Those losses mount up until we start to avoid it, try not to form attachments any longer. And after that, it's easy to slide into ennui. Well, I never had formed those kinds of attachments, and I started to wonder why I seemed to be naturally incapable of something that others couldn't resist. They had to kill a part of themselves to survive, a part I seemed to be lacking. For the first time, I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me as I watched Emmett's struggle. Someone told me about Dr. Carlisle, and I went to him because I wanted to try to understand. Perhaps our sessions helped to prepare me for the time when my dormant emotions would wake."

He lit another cigarette, but this one he smoked, exhaling toward the star-bedecked sky. "Nine thousand years of nothing, of an emptiness that I found pleasant. Then Bella came along and suddenly, everything changed. _I_ changed. I thought I was in love with her because I had no frame of reference. And because I couldn't handle the flood of feelings, I intentionally sabotaged the only friendship I had."

"You're seventeen, Edward," Alice reminded him. "It doesn't really matter that you've been seventeen for thousands of years."

"I can't use my lack of mental maturity as an excuse forever, Doc."

"Not an excuse. More of an explanation."

He gave her a wry smile. "Try to keep it in mind when I piss you off."

"I love you, Edward, even the parts of you that are flawed. I think you should go back to seeing Dr. Carlisle, or at least talk with him on the phone. None of what you're going through is easy, and he can help you with that."

"I don't think he'd want me back as a patient. I tend to ignore all of his advice."

"Like what?"

"He told me I should leave you until I had all of this worked out, until I learned to process my emotions properly."

Alice put her arms around him. "I'm glad you ignored that particular piece of advice."

"It's probably unfair to you to drag you through this."

"Not if I want to come along."

* * *

><p>Bella waned to go out again the next week, but surprisingly, not for a shopping trip. She wanted to go to a spa for a day of pampering. Manicures, pedicures, mud baths and maybe (she whispered this word into the phone) a haircut. Alice chuckled when she said it because she knew that Emmett had threatened dire consequences if Bella ever cut her hair.<p>

"I just want to get it shaped, really, but he'll freak out if he hears about it before he sees it."

"I'll get a cut, too," Alice said impulsively. Her hair was longer than she'd ever worn it and it could use a little texturing.

Bella arrived about an hour later with two dayman guards. Emmett emerged from the car; he and Edward were going out while the girls enjoyed their evening at the spa. Edward had been vague about their destination, so Alice guessed that they were probably going to one of the vampire bars, though likely one of the more conservative ones due to Emmett's personality.

She entered the limo and settled on the back seat. She smelled something unusual, and her instincts had her sniffing at the air as Bella settled beside her.

"What is it?"

"Don't you _smell_ that?"

Bella sniffed. "Smell what?"

Alice leaned forward. The driver smelled like an ordinary dayman, a stink that made Alice curl her lip. She turned to the other, and found that he was the source of the scent. There was the usual unappealing odor, but another layer as well, something that drew her. He turned to look at her and when she met his eyes, the was an almost audible click. He surged out of his seat and threw the passenger door open, and went around to the back.

"Hey!" Bella complained as he crawled over her. He sat down on the seat across from Alice and leaned forward eagerly.

"What the _fuck_?" the driver demanded.

"He's mine," Alice said happily.

"Your _what_?" Bella's face was crumpled with worry.

"My dayman." Alice grinned at him. "What's your name?"

"Jasper. Jasper Whitlock."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

..

_That man is peer of the gods, who_  
><em>face to face sits listening<em>  
><em>to your sweet speech and lovely<em>  
><em>laughter.<em>

_It is this that rouses a tumult_  
><em>in my breast. At mere sight of you<em>  
><em>my voice falters, my tongue<em>  
><em>is broken.<em>

_Straightway, a delicate fire runs in_  
><em>my limbs; my eyes<em>  
><em>are blinded and my ears<em>  
><em>thunder.<em>

_Sweat pours out: a trembling hunts_  
><em>me down. I grow<em>  
><em>paler than grass and lack little<em>  
><em>of dying.<em>

- Poem of Jealousy (Untitled), by Sappho

..

Edward was wondering where he could hide the body.

Jasper was in the parlor, talking on his cell phone. Edward had just endured two hours of Alice getting to know her new dayman and he was nearing his breaking point. Those were _his_ smiles she was giving to Jasper, _his_ laughs, _his_ affection.

If he killed Jasper, could he convince Alice that he didn't know what happened to him, like parents lying about the death of a pet? _Sorry, honey. Jasper must have ran away._

"... You're never going to believe it, Mom! I found a match! Yes, really! Oh, mom, she's great. Her name is Alice and she's smart and funny and kind ... It was just like you said. Swear to God, I looked into her eyes and it was like _boom_, I knew this girl was my vampire. ... Is Aunt Charlotte home? I want to tell her myself."

_Charlotte_? Oh, fuck. Edward felt a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Isn't he_ great_?" Alice asked. She came back into the room carrying the snack tray she'd made up for Jasper. Edward wanted to snap at her that Jasper was supposed to be _her_ servant and he could fetch his own goddam snacks, but he bit his tongue. Literally. He tasted his own blood and it was bitter. Alice didn't stay to hear his reply. She breezed by him and set the tray down on the coffee table. Jasper mouthed a "Thank you" at her and took a sip from the glass of soda.

"Aunt Charlotte? I'm so happy, I had to tell you myself ... Yes, it's true! I've found my vampire. Can you believe it? Her name is Alice ... Alice Brandon ... Yeah, she has a mate. His name is Edward. What? Sure, I guess ..." Jasper turned to Edward and extended the phone. "Aunt Charlotte wants to talk to you."

Edward wordlessly took the phone. "Masen."

"Smile and ask me how I've been," Charlotte ordered. "And walk outside while you're doing it."

Edward pulled his mouth into the imitation of a smile and repeated her words warmly. The ruse wasn't necessary. Alice and Jasper were already engrossed in conversation once more. Edward went out onto the patio by the pool and sat down of one of the chaise lounges scattered around its edge.

"I don't want him to know," Charlotte said. "I never even told his mother, my dayman, where I went or what happened when I left with you. I can't. She can never know."

"I thought there were no secrets between vampires and their daymen."

"In this case, there is," Charlotte mumbled. "I don't want her to know that I'm capable of ... that. Please, Edward. Don't say anything to Jasper about what we did."

"Don't worry. I'm not likely to say anything myself, since Alice doesn't remember any of it."

"Oh. I'd ... um ... I'd heard rumors that she ..."

"It's true. She doesn't remember anything about her kidnapping or what happened afterward. And I want to keep it that way as long as possible."

"How do you feel about Jasper bonding with Alice?" Charlotte tried to sound casual, but there was worry buried within her words.

"I'm not happy about it," he told her bluntly. "She doesn't need _him_. She has me."

Charlotte was silent for a long moment. "Edward, his mother has been with me since she was a teenager. I held Jasper moments after he was born, and I love him like he's my own family. Don't hurt him. I'm begging you ... No, actually, I'm calling in my favor. I helped you, and _you owe me_."

"I do," he agreed. "But it only goes so fucking far, Charlotte. If he -"

"He won't," Charlotte interrupted. "You know it's not like that. He's going to love her, but it's always strictly platonic, as though she were his sister. And he's going to be like a big brother to her. Nature built that into us, Edward. It seems incestuous to think of our daymen in any other way."

Edward lit a cigarette. He leaned back in the chaise and stared up at the overcast sky. She didn't understand. Of course not. She was one those blessed enough to be fully mature and in control of their emotions. She didn't think the same way that Edward did.

"Edward, please. If it ... If it gets to a point where you can't take it, send him back to me."

"You know that won't work. He won't leave her now, and she won't let him go."

"If you hurt him, it will hurt her, too," Charlotte warned. "Keep that in mind, Edward."

He ground his teeth. She was right. With every passing moment, the bond between Alice and Jasper would grow stronger. He'd never had a dayman, but he'd peeked into enough minds to know what it was like. And he remembered the agony of the daymen whose vampires he had slain on his rampage. He couldn't do something like that to Alice.

"He has the same goals that you have. He wants to keep her safe and happy. And he'll respect your place in her life, Edward. He's not trying to supplant you. Remember that."

"Yeah," Edward replied. He looked back into the house where Alice was chattering with great animation, her hands fluttering as she described something. Jasper sat on the sofa beside her and was listening as intently as though she were explaining the secrets of the universe. The adoration in his eyes made Edward want to rip his head off.

"I've got to go," he said abruptly and hit the button to disconnect, cutting off her anxious words in midstream. He stood and headed back inside the house. It fucking reeked of dayman already. He was going to have to get used to the stench. He tossed the phone down onto the sofa cushion beside Jasper wordlessly.

" ... still miss them sometimes. My mom, especially." Her voice cracked on the last word and tears welled in her eyes. Jasper pulled her into a hug and Edward didn't even stop to think. He was across the room faster than the eye could track. He flung Jasper against the wall and held him there, pinned by Edward's hand around his throat, his toes barely brushing the carpet.

"No, Edward, _don't_!" Alice screamed. She ran over and pulled at Edward's arm ineffectually. "Let him go! Please, Edward, let him go!"

Edward expected Jasper to beg, for his face to twist with terror, but he looked down at Edward calmly, his eyes flint-hard and glacial. The shock of recognition caused Edward to loosen his grip and Jasper dropped to the floor.

He was looking into the eyes of a killer.

This was one of the few times that Edward had misread someone. He had seen Jasper's youth and enthusiasm and hadn't looked beneath the surface disguise. He had to grant him grudging respect for that, at least. Regardless ... "You do _not_ touch her."

"She's my vampire. I'll touch her if I want." Jasper choked. His dark brown eyes burned into Edward's.

"Jasper, back off," Alice commanded and alarm sharpened her tone.

Jasper glanced over at her and saw the worry in her eyes, and the powerful instincts to soothe her fears and comfort her when she was distressed kicked in. He dropped his head in submission and the primal side of Edward that had sent him into combat-mode relaxed a bit. Edward stepped away and yanked Alice into his arms. _Mine!_

"Edward, stop it!" Alice shoved away from him. "What the hell? Jasper, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he assured her through a raspy throat. "It's all right, Alice. There will be a bit of ... adjustment we all have to go through."

"You keep your goddamn hands off of her and it will go a lot easier," Edward snapped.

Alice shook her head. "What has gotten _into_ you, Edward? Calm down. He's my dayman, for God's sake. There's no reason for you to be upset."

Edward sent Jasper a warning glare. "Alice, please, may I speak to you for a minute?"

She nodded, thankfully, and followed him from the room. He led her up their bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She stood before him, arms crossed, her face tight with annoyance.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I saw him put his arms around you and I lost it."

"Yeah, no kidding." Alice wouldn't look at him.

Edward flinched. "Doc, come on ..."

"This is ridiculous, Edward. He's my _dayman_. Would you freak out if I had a brother and he hugged me?"

Edward didn't want anyone but himself touching her, offering her comfort, taking her attention. He couldn't tell her that, though, because even as the thoughts rolled through his head, he knew he was being childish and selfish. He raked his hands through his hair in frustration. "I can't help my emotions, Doc."

"But you _can_ help how you react to them. You could have hurt him, Edward. He's mortal."

"Please, Doc, help me out here. Just ... try to keep your distance until I adjust, all right?"

Alice sighed. "You know it's not like that. You never have a problem when Bella hugs me. Or Emmett, for that matter."

He didn't want to tell her that he did, but that such contact was mercifully brief. Jasper was intending to live here, where he'd have to see him with Alice every day. _All_ day, if Jasper had his way. He was probably already hovering in the hallway, waiting for Alice to emerge.

Alice sat down beside him and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry this is upsetting for you. But you don't need to be jealous. I love you, Edward. You and _only_ you. You're my mate, and the most important person in the world to me. Jasper isn't going to change that."

He wanted to beg her to get rid of Jasper, to manipulate her if necessary, to force her to choose between them. But he couldn't. He couldn't cause her that kind of pain to spare himself. Was that a sign of maturity? he wondered. The old Edward would have shattered her heart, as long as he was the only one who held the pieces. He cursed softly and turned to hold her in his arms. He pulled her up across his lap and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I hate sharing you, Doc," he confessed.

"You're not," she promised. "You own my heart. Every inch of it is yours."

He kissed her, a hard kiss tinged with desperation and possessiveness as a strategy began to form. Like Dr. Carlisle had suggested when she was slipping into her hallucinatory world, Edward would just have to make sure that he was more appealing than the alternative.

* * *

><p>Edward left Alice sleeping in their bed at dawn and went downstairs, where he found Jasper in the kitchen, making an omelet. <em>Go on, make yourself at home, fucker. <em>

Jasper barely glanced at Edward before going back to his cooking and Edward had to grant him more of that grudging respect. Not many would be so brave - or perhaps stupid - as to be dismissive of a angry, resentful vampire.

"Who?" Edward asked.

Jasper whipped the eggs in a bowl and sprinkled in a handful of cheese. "It was a vampire hunter."

Edward snorted. "Helsingers." It was a derogatory term used by vampires to describe the poorly armed and poorly informed humans who discovered their existence and then came after them with crosses and stakes. Named after Van Helsing from Bram Stoker's _Dracula_, they were generally memory-wiped and sent on their way, not even worth killing in the opinion of most. What respect Jasper had been granted initially for his murderer's eyes evaporated in acidic derision.

"Not these ones," Jasper said, and Edward restrained himself from snorting again. Of course Jasper would want to make it sound more difficult than it actually was.

"Have you heard of the Dawn Breakers?"

"No." Edward picked one of the knives out of the block on the island and turned it in his hands. It flashed in the light and caught Jasper's reflection.

"Cult out of Fresno." Jasper took a bag of spinach out of the refrigerator. "Victoria knows about them. Mention the name Paul Lahote around her some day and watch her reaction."

"Who is he?" Edward traced his finger over the back of the blade.

"You know Victoria started as a vampire hunter, right?"

Edward nodded. He'd been on the Council when Victoria and James had been captured and brought before them. Her family had been slaughtered by vampires and she had searched until she found others who had experienced the same tragedy. She formed a team, remarkably skilled for humans, Edward had been told. They captured a vampire, James, to discover as much as they could about the species. James had eventually convinced them to free him and allow him to join their team. He'd changed Victoria when she was catastrophically injured in battle, but once she was a fledgling, she was subject to Council law, which forbade killing other vampires. Edward had cast his vote to execute her along with the other Council members. Shoved to her knees, her hair pulled aside so that the swordsman wouldn't miss her neck, they had seen her birthmark and everything changed. She was the monarch foretold in the prophecies.

"Some of her old team members didn't take kindly to her change. Paul Lahote, especially. I think he had a _thing_ for her but he would have rather seen her dead than changed into one of us. He continued hunting vampires and somewhere along the line, he got religion and mixed the two together. He says that God has chosen them as warriors to kill 'demons' like us."

"Your point?" Edward was losing interest quickly. They might be difficult for a human to combat, but a vampire of his power would swat them like flies.

"My point is that these aren't Helsingers. These guys know what they're doing. They know vampires' weaknesses. They put their target under surveillance for weeks before they strike, and when they do, they strike like a fucking SEAL team. Cold, calculated, precise ... efficient."

"So, you fought them?"

"They came after Charlotte." Jasper poured his egg mixture into the pan where it hissed softly when it contacted the heated metal. "I took care of it."

"How do you know they won't come back? They gave up after only one try?"

"I took care of it." Jasper repeated. "Listen, Edward, Charlotte doesn't know this and I don't _want_ her to know this."

"Oh?" Edward drawled, a small smirk curling his lips. Jasper had just handed him the perfect material for blackmail.

Jasper gave him a sharp glance. "As I understand, there happens to be a few things you'd prefer your wife didn't know, as well."

_Fucking Charlotte_. It had to be. But when had she told him? It hadn't been during the brief phone conversation. Had he known something about Alice before he arrived?

Jasper was the one who snorted this time. "I can practically see the gears turning in your head. Of course I knew about her before I came today. Do you think I'd guard someone without knowing their history and weaknesses? Christ, Edward, you're supposed to be the oldest and wisest, but you're as dense as a fledgeling."

"I've never been a dayman," Edward retorted, infusing the word with scorn. "So forgive me if I've never been terribly interested in your little protocols."

"Those _little protocols_, as you call them, might end up keeping your mate from getting killed."

"I don't need your help to keep Alice safe."

"Oh? You must have been doing a fine job of it when she was kidnapped."

Jasper didn't even blink when Edward appeared only inches away from him and buried the blade of the knife in the cupboard door beside his head, before his eyes had even registered that Edward had moved.

"I would dearly love to rip you into tiny pieces," Edward said with soft malice. "I won't do it, only because it would hurt my mate. But you will show me some fucking respect or I'll demonstrate all the ways I know to cause pain but leave you physically unharmed."

Jasper didn't back down. Edward couldn't decide if he was foolish or brave, but he met Edward's eyes squarely. "I call it like I see it. You made a big goddam mistake somewhere along the line and Alice paid for it. Now, you have even more people gunning for you than you did before. Hundreds of heartbroken daymen curse your name. About ten percent want do something about it. About half actually have the balls to try. They won't go after you, because that's just suicidal. They'll go after her, and by extension, me. You haven't taken any precautions to try to keep her safe."

Edward narrowed his eyes.

"Your overconfidence is your fatal flaw," Jasper pointed out. "You don't think anyone would dare try it, but you've underestimated the strength of someone who has nothing to lose."

"Do you have suggestions, or just criticisms?"

"First of all, to get her the fuck out of here. This house is a security nightmare. Secondly, you need a dedicated security team."

"I don't want Alice to be frightened."

"If they're good, she won't even know they're there."

Edward shrugged. "Fine. Do what you feel you must, but we're not moving unless it's what Alice wants to do." He took a bottle of blood out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. "And don't fucking say anything to her. Understand?"

Jasper dumped his omelet out onto a waiting plate and set it aside. "Edward, Alice's well-being is my primary concern. I'm not going to do anything that would jeopardize that. Right now, she needs to forget, but there could come a time when she needs to remember, and I'm not going to hold back because you're afraid of the consequences."

The microwave beeped. Edward punched the door button so hard that it cracked and snatched out the bottle. "You don't know her. You don't know what she needs."

"That's not true. Our souls are connected. I can sense it."

Edward knew that the connection between a vampire and their dayman was intense and nearly indescribable to someone who had never experienced it. They couldn't read minds, exactly, but they could sense their vampire's emotional state and could instinctively adapt to it, to be whatever their vampire needed at the time. But being told he had to entrust Alice's well-being to this stranger because he supposedly had some ephemeral connection to her didn't sit well with him.

"Edward, I'm going to love her. I'm not going to be able to help it. It's part of what we are. But I'm not a threat to you. As long as you're what Alice wants, we're both on the same side."

The qualifier was interesting. Did he foresee a time when Edward _wouldn't_ be what Alice wanted? Did his supposed soul connection give him some sort of insight into how Alice would take it when she recovered her memory? Or was the bastard fucking with his head, trying to undermine his confidence?

It was working.

Edward left the kitchen and went back up to the bedroom, carrying with him the bottle of blood. He now wished he'd gotten one of the spiked bottles. He slumped in one of the chairs and stared at the tiny figure tangled in the down comforter.

This wasn't going to end well.

* * *

><p>"I really think you should go with the pink," Jasper argued. "It looks better against your pale skin."<p>

Alice held the bottle of nail polish against her toes. "But the red would match the dress better."

"Trust me," Jasper urged. "Don't match the dress; match _you."_

She sighed. "All right." She handed him the bottle of polish and swung her feet up into his lap. She watched as he unscrewed the cap and dabbed the brush on the sides of the bottle to scrape off excess paint.

"So where are you guys going?" Jasper asked as he began to paint her pinkie toenail.

"I don't know. He wouldn't give me any clues tonight." She and Edward had gone out every night this week, returning home right before dawn. She barely had time to see Jasper, let alone spend any time with him. He didn't seem to be upset about it, but you couldn't always tell with a guy.

Edward had laid out this dress and sandals to go with it. He'd then said he had to go "prepare" and disappeared in his Bugatti. The dress he'd chosen was white, dotted with little red flowers, sleeveless, with a full skirt with a frothy slip below which made Alice think of the 1950s. Likely, one of Bella's additions to her wardrobe, because Alice didn't remember buying it.

"Have you fed yet?"

Alice shook her head. "I wasn't hungry."

"You should. You wouldn't want to be tempted while you're out. Is Rose around?"

Jasper and Rose had become surprisingly close over the last week. Rose seemed to like him and actually talked to him when he went to help her garden while Alice was out. Maybe Rose needed a dayman of her own, Alice thought. "I haven't seen her."

"Hmm. I'll get you something while these are drying."

"Have you talked any more with Edward?" Alice asked. Jasper had said that he and Edward talked a bit after she'd gone to bed that first night. He hadn't said anything more about it, but she had the feeling that the conversation hadn't gone well. Edward and Jasper seemed to be at a state of armed truce. Edward pretended Jasper didn't exist and Jasper didn't push him.

They couldn't live like this. Edward couldn't seem to understand that there was no need for jealousy. She was pretty sure that the "dates" they'd been going on all week had been specifically planned to exclude Jasper and ensure that she spent as little time with him as possible.

"No. We haven't talked since that first night."

Alice held back a sigh. She didn't know what else to do to make Edward more comfortable with this situation. He hated Jasper, resented his very existence.

"Give him time," Jasper advised. "It's only been a week."

"But it's not getting better."

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Jasper offered.

"No, I'll do it." It was probably part of Edward's surprise. Alice hopped up, walking on her heels to try to protect her wet toenails. She pulled open the front door and saw a deliveryman and gave him such a beaming smile that he was flummoxed for a moment. He stammered something and then looked down at his clipboard.

"Mary Alice Brandon?" he asked.

_Aaaaalice. Mary Aaaaaalice_.

Alice choked as a scream rose in her throat. Her hand fluttered up to cover her mouth to try to hold it back. _No. No, no, no ..._

Hands on her shoulders. Alice shrieked and spun around to fight her captor.

"Alice, it's me. It's Jasper."

The delivery man was speaking in rapid Italian. Jasper answered him in the same language and took the package from him and quickly shut the door. Alice heard it from some distant part of her mind. The rest of it was occupied by the tidal wave of memories, memories that she'd rather have never recovered. She sank to the floor as all the strength went out of her legs and curled against the wall.

_Mary Aaaaaaaalice ..._

Everything came back in a horrific flood. The pain and terror of her captivity. Edward's abandonment. FantasyEdward. Tyler and Another Alice ...

"Shh," Jasper whispered. He crouched down beside her and pulled her into his arms despite her initial struggles. It was Jasper, she kept repeating to herself. _Jasper_. She wound her arms around his neck and sobbed against his shoulder.

_Mary Aaaaaaaalice ..._

"Help me," she pleaded. "I can hear him."

"It's just you and me here, honey. And you can't hear him any more." Jasper gripped her more tightly and began to sing to her, lullabies and ballads ... song after song until all she could hear was his voice.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

_.._

_Thought of you as my mountain top  
><em>_Thought of you as my peak  
><em>_Thought of you as everything that I had  
><em>_but I couldn't keep  
>That I had, but I couldn't keep<em>

_-_ From The Velvet Underground,_ Pale Blue Eyes_

..

..

Edward burst through the front door, leaving it yawning open behind him. Jasper met him in the foyer at the base of the stairs.

"Where is she?" Edward demanded

"She's sleeping now."

"Sleeping?" Edward repeated. It hadn't been more than twenty minutes since Rose called and said those two horrific words: _She's remembered_. Dawn was hours away. Had Jasper drugged her?

Jasper stepped into Edward's path when he headed for the staircase and grabbed the lapels of his suit. "Edward, wait!"

Edward glanced down at those hands and then back up at Jasper's face. His eyes narrowed. "Do. _Not_. Touch. Me." He pushed his way past Jasper and headed up the stairs only to be stopped again half way to the top when Jasper darted in front of him.

A growl rumbled up from Edward's chest and it emerged as a snarl. One of the most dangerous things a man could do was get between a vampire and his mate, especially when that mate was in pain. Edward stepped forward, intending to grab Jasper and pitch him over the railing, but Jasper did something that startled Edward out of his aggression: he dropped to his knees and bowed his head.

Edward froze, blinking. It was as though a bucket of water had doused the flame of his aggression. Even after nine thousand years of living with his instincts and their triggers, they could still surprise him on occasion. He shook his head and almost laughed. He had to hand it to him, Jasper knew vampires.

"Edward, please," Jasper said. He lifted his head and looked up at Edward through strands of blond hair hanging over his face. "I'm begging you ... just a moment before you go barging in there."

Edward gave him a short nod. His eyes were drawn to the closed bedroom door. He couldn't hear anything and that worried him more than if she'd been crying.

"I got her calmed down," Jasper said. His voice was low and soothing. "She had a breakdown of sorts, but she remained lucid through it all. That has to be a good sign. After she calmed, I put her to bed, and she's resting now. If you charge in there like you are now, you're going to scare her, maybe get her upset again. You have to be calm, Edward. I know your mind has to be in an uproar, but you _have_ to be calm. For her."

Edward took a deep breath. Faintly, he could smell Alice's scent on Jasper and see pink tear stains on the shoulder of his t-shirt. It made his temper flare but he forced it down. Jasper had done only what a dayman was supposed to do, and if Alice was resting now, he had apparently managed to soothe her better than Edward could.

It wasn't easy. Temper and jealousy were not a pleasant mix, especially since he knew he couldn't express them as he wanted to do. Alice didn't need grief on top of all she was going through.

Jasper was right. He had to control himself, though he wanted nothing more than to rush in there and grab her up into his arms and hold her so tightly, she would never be able to leave him again. He wanted to be the one to reassure her that all would be well, though at the moment, he wasn't very certain himself.

Jasper stood slowly, his eyes never leaving Edward's.

"Can I go in now?" Edward asked, a bit of sarcasm sharpening his tone.

Jasper nodded and stepped aside. "Just remember, Edward, be calm. Try ... Try not to upset her."

Edward had to laugh. Jasper said it like he knew it was a lost cause. But maybe it was.

..

* * *

><p>..<p>

Alice wasn't sleeping. Silent tears ran down to plop on her pillow. She had managed to push back most of the ugly memories, but they were like a pack of wolves surrounding her. When she turned to drive some of them away, others darted in to attack her from behind.

But, above all, there was one terrible fact that loomed large in her mind, a fact she couldn't deny, couldn't push away, no matter how hard she tried. She even longed for the thin, ragged protection insanity had provided, anything to shield her from this pain.

_Linger on  
><em>_your pale green eyes ..._

Yes, Edward Masen was everything that she couldn't keep. For a short, shining moment, she'd had him, and she'd been happy. They said ignorance was bliss, and it truly was. What she wouldn't give to have her mind wiped clean of the memories again so she could spend a happy eternity in his arms.

Alice heard the door open and the sound of his steps. Strange how she knew it was him just from their sound, knew her mate was close even without having to look, without even having to take a breath and inhale his delicious scent. She felt the bed dip down as he sat beside her.

"Alice."

His voice made her aching heart shiver. A pair of fresh tears fell as she closed her eyes. He was silent for a long moment and she heard only the ticking of the clock in the downstairs hall, the sound of the light rain pattering against the window.

"It seems like such a small and worthless thing to say, but I have to say it none the less: _I'm sorry_. God, I am so sorry for all of this."

She was, too. It didn't change anything.

"I love you, Alice."

She licked her lips. Her voice was raspy and didn't sound like her own. "I know."

"Then, you can forgive me?"

She rolled over to face him. "It's not a matter of forgiveness, Edward."

"Then what is it? How can I make this right?" He was both eager and frustrated and that made the words she needed to say even worse. But they had to be said, no matter how painful it was for both of them.

"You can't."

"I- I don't - Alice, what do you mean?"

Alice sat up. She heard fabric rip and saw she'd been gripping the sheet so hard, her fingers had torn through the fabric. She somehow found the strength to say the words that had to be said, found the strength for him. "I'm not your mate, Edward."

"_What_? How can you say that? Jesus, Alice, I -"

"I know you love me," she said, as gently as she could. "But I'm not your mate. I know that now. If I were your mate, you never would have been able to leave me."

He didn't respond. He just stared at her with horror and heartbreak.

"I never knew mates could be mismatched," she continued. "That a person could be mated to someone who wasn't matched to them in return." It was the cruelest fate imaginable.

"Alice, if this is about Bella-"

She shook her head. "No, it isn't about Bella. It's about _you_, Edward. Maybe you were changed too young to-"

Edward stood abruptly. He spun around where he stood, his hands raking through his hair until it stood up in wild spikes and paced a short path back and forth beside the bed. "Doc, I don't even know how to respond to that. I can't believe-"

The doorbell rang. Alice jumped a little. "Who could that be?"

"I don't fucking care. Jasper will get it."

Bella's soft voice floated up the stairs, joined by Emmett's rumble. What were they doing here?

"Goddammit," Edward muttered. "Of all the times ... I'll get rid of them." He opened the bedroom door and went out onto the landing. "Bella, Emmett, I'm sorry, but-"

"Rose said you would need us," Bella said. Alice could hear the click of Bella's heels on the stairs.

"What? She called you? When?"

"A few hours ago," Emmett said. His sneakers squeaked on the marble.

"Hours? But she only called me-"

A terrific explosion cut off his words. Alice felt herself lifted, and then had the surreal experience of soaring across the room on top of the mattress, as though it were a flying carpet, before she was slammed into the wall.

Her face was pressed to the carpet. Bits of plaster were sprinkled on it like snow, and she stared at them in a daze. Her ears rang and she could barely make out Edward's voice shouting her name. "Here!" she croaked.

The mattress was torn away and Edward yanked her off the floor into his arms. "Doc! Doc! Talk to me, Doc! Come on!"

"I'm okay," she mumbled. "I'm okay. Just diz-"

Another explosion cut off her words, but this one was in a different part of the house. Edward crouched down, his body wrapped protectively over hers as the floor undulated beneath their feet and the walls shook like an old man's knees. Dimly, she could hear Bella screaming. Something cold and wet landed on her cheek and she wondered for a moment if Edward was crying, but it was rain blown in through the gaping hole in the side of the house.

"I've got you, Doc. I've got you." Edward chanted the words to her until the shaking stopped.

"What the hell?" Emmett said clearly. Alice looked up over Edward's shoulder to see Emmett kick aside the bedroom door, which was hanging off its hinges. Smoke and dust filled the air. Bella stumbled in behind him, gripping his arm. Her white dress was smeared with dirt and her upswept hair had lost some of its pins, flopping down the side of her head. Her eyes were so wide, she looked like an anime version of herself.

"What is this? What's going on?" Bella cried, as if they knew.

"We're under attack," Jasper answered as he charged in behind them. Blood streamed down his cheek from a cut in his forehead. It stained a red streak in his hair. His arms were full of weapons: swords in their sheathes, a shotgun, and bizarrely, an ax. He passed out the weapons swiftly, a sword for Alice and one for Edward, who slung his on his back. Jasper handed Emmett the ax, who stared at it as though he'd never seen anything like it.

"Sorry, buddy," Jasper said with a short smile. "Mr. UberVamp here didn't have much of an arsenal. Sorry, Bella, I don't have anything for you."

"That's okay." Bella edged closer to Emmett.

"How many?" Edward demanded.

"Dunno. Lots. After the first explosion, I saw 'em heading in through the east garden. I couldn't get a count. At least half a dozen."

"Human?" Edward checked the load on the shotgun and pumped it once to put a shell in the chamber.

"I don't know."

Jasper edged over to the gaping hole where the window once was. He peeked around the wall and the crack of a gunshot made him jump back. An exposed brick near his head exploded into chips. Bella let out a short scream.

"Humans, at least some of them," Jasper said, eerily calm. He didn't look like her dayman at that moment, the friendly, easygoing young man who had painted her toenails early this evening, or the man who had sang to her until her storm of tears passed. He looked ... like _Edward_. The day he had left her. Cold, calculating, almost mechanical. "A vamp would have made that shot."

Edward nodded. "Alice, you and Bella get out of here. Go to Victoria, to the tower."

Alice drew breath to argue, but Edward bent to whisper in her ear. "You have to get Bella out of here. She's not a fighter like you. You're the only one Emmett would trust to protect her."

Alice glanced over at Emmett and saw he was doing the same sort of arguing with Bella. He cast Alice a desperate, pleading look and that was what made up her mind.

"Edward, where's Rose?"

"I don't know."

"We can't just leave her!"

Jasper's voice was soft and it caught her attention the way a shout might not have. "Rose is always exactly where she needs to be. Go on, Alice. Trust that she knows what she's doing."

Alice hesitated just a moment, then nodded.

Edward pressed a soft, lingering kiss to her lips. "I love you, Doc. I hope you know that."

She swallowed. "I do know it, Edward. And I love you, too."

He closed his eyes. "Go, Doc. While I still have the strength to send you away."

Alice ran over and caught the hand of the protesting Bella, who wanted to stay and fight at her mate's side, even without a weapon. Alice tugged, but Bella refused to budge.

"Come on, we've got to go." Her last word was drowned out by another explosion. This one sent plaster raining down from the ceiling. Alice found herself on the floor beside Bella with Emmett crouched over the both of them to protect them.

"Front stairs are gone," Jasper announced. "Go through the library."

Alice bit her lip. "Please ... be careful."

Jasper grinned at her, his teeth bright against his bloody face. Alice looked over at Edward one last time. Their eyes met and held for just an instant before the sound of gunfire broke her out of her reverie. She yanked Bella to her feet. "This way."

They ran the short distance down the hall to Edward's rarely-used office. Bella stumbled in her spindly heels and had to stop and twist them off her feet, snapping the thin ankle straps with one impatient tug. Alice shut the door behind them and locked it, though she knew that wouldn't slow anyone down for long.

Bella stayed close behind her as they made their way out onto the small balcony and down the spiral staircase into the silent library. The lower floor, underground as it was, hadn't suffered any damage, except for the rain of books shaken from the shelves on the floor above. Alice went sliding when a book abruptly shifted under her foot and might have fallen if Bella hadn't caught her.

The lab was dark and silent when Alice opened the door. She switched on the lights of the laboratory and locked the doors behind them.

"Good Lord, this must have been like your version of heaven," Bella said, looking around at all the shining equipment. "The library was incredible, but this? Wow."

Alice didn't have the heart to tell her she'd never used it. She just gave Bella a sight smile as she tugged at a cabinet. It swung out and Bella raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"It's the original basement door," Alice explained. "Edward left it in place as an emergency exit." It as set into the ground, tucked against the foundation.

"Smart of him," Bella murmured.

Alice pulled the sheath off the sword and tossed it aside. She approached the door slowly; had she been human, her heart would have been hammering. She pulled the bolt back, wincing at the screech, and lifted the door a few inches so she could peek out. All she could see was the shrubs edging the garden path. She waited for a moment, watching for any signs of danger, and then pushed up the door.

She saw no movement, except for a cricket burrowing beneath a leaf. Alice inhaled deeply, searching for any strange scents on the breeze, but she could smell nothing but the sharp tang of the explosives which had torn her house apart. The rain didn't help matters, covering and washing away scents as it did. She waited for a moment before deciding it was safe.

She gestured to Bella and they scrambled through the opening, crouching beside the shrubs. Alice leaned in to whisper in Bella's ear. "I don't care what Jasper said. I've got to try to find Rose. Run for the garage. It's about twenty yards-"

"No way," Bella said. "We're not splitting up. If I'm going to the garage, you're coming with me."

"Bella-"

"If something happens to you, Edward will rip my head off for leaving you behind. Jasper was right. Rose knows what she's doing. It's why she called us; she knew you'd need our help. Trust her."

It went against every instinct Alice had, but she gave a short nod. "Okay. We're going to run for it. Stay low, and stay close."

Alice rose from her crouch and peeked over the top of the shrubs. She gestured to Bella and they ran, unable to use all of their vampire speed, hunched as they were. They hadn't gone far when another explosion buffeted them with a wave of heat. They dropped instinctively to the rain-soaked soil and cringed as bits of debris fell around them, including a bent and blackened hubcap which clanged on the path.

Alice wriggled forward on her belly, using her elbows to drag herself forward, and peeked around the corner.

"That was the garage, I take it?" Bella said, staring dolefully at the hubcap.

"The west end of it. I can still get into the side door and maybe one of the cars on the other end will still be okay." From here to the garage, it was open ground with no cover. She saw nothing, but there were so many places an enemy could hide.

Bella grabbed her ankle. "You can't go in there!" Her pale face glowed orange in the light from the flames. "Alice, that's crazy!"

"We have to have a car." Alice shook off her hand and drew herself up into a runner's crouch. She took a deep breath and launched herself, running for the burning garage. She should have been moving too fast for a human to see, but a shot rang out and the paving stones in front of her feet exploded in a spray of chips. She heard the _tat-tat-tat_ of automatic gunfire and swerved wildly, trying to throw off the shooter's aim as she ran for the door. She burst through it into a billow of smoke.

A wall of flames engulfed the cars on the left side of the long building. The heat was almost unbearable and every vampire instinct she had was screaming at her to flee, but she had to run toward that fire to grab the keys from the cabinet on the wall. Each was in a numbered drawer and she hoped like hell the numbers were assigned from left to right as she took the key. It looked right; the car on the far end was an antique Rolls, but she wasn't sure how many of them Edward owned.

She slapped the garage door button as she passed, but she didn't really expect it to work. The door remained firmly closed. Alice unlocked the Rolls and slid into the leather interior. She held her breath as she turned the key and nearly wept with relief when the car started. She put it in reverse and rammed the pedal to the floor. It hit the metal garage door with an echoing boom and tore it from the frame. For a moment, the door clung to the back of the car like a foil wrapper around a piece of candy, but it fell off when she swerved around the fountain to point the car toward the driveway.

Bella yanked the passenger door open and tumbled inside. "_GO_!" she screamed as a trail of gray bullet holes appeared on the hood and the front window shattered, raining shards of pre-safety glass on them. Alice stomped on the pedal and the car shot forward, tires squalling on the wet paving stones. Bullets continued to slam into the car and suddenly, Alice had no control over the Rolls. It was as if the steering wheel had ceased to function. Alice turned it frantically, but stupidly, didn't think to try to hit the brake. The car swerved wildly off the driveway, over the mound of landscaping and then rammed, nose-down, into a ditch. Neither Bella nor Alice wore a seat belt; both were slammed into the console.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, Bella groaned and pushed herself up. "You couldn't have picked a car with airbags?"

Alice was in too much pain to answer with a quip of her own. "Come on," she wheezed. She crawled through the broken front window, over the crumpled hood. Bella followed, though she slipped off the hood and tumbled into the ditch. Alice helped her up and both of them limped into the woods, arms strung around each other's waists for support. Footsteps pounded behind them and then the sharp blasts of gunfire. Bullets whizzed by them and punched into the trees. They exchanged a quick glance and then ran, stumbling, limping, but still faster than a human. They ran until the sounds had faded and they found themselves deep in the silent woods.

"Stop, stop," Bella gasped. "I need to rest for a minute."

"Over here." Alice saw a rock outcropping that would shelter them from the rain. She and Bella hunched under it and followed it back into the hill, where a small cave was tucked into the earth. Both of them collapsed on the sandy floor, leaning against the rock wall.

Bella let out a whimper and reached to her side. That's when Alice saw the jagged piece of wood jutting from under her ribs, surrounded by a patch of blood. It must have happened when Bella fell into the ditch. "Let me-"

"No, I've got it." Bella yanked it out with a small gasp and hurled it aside. The bloodstain widened beneath her palm.

"Keep pressure on it," Alice advised, moving to Bella's side. "Here." Alice hadn't been able to stand the dress she'd been wearing after her memories had returned and Jasper had helped her into a pair of sweats and a hoodie. She tore off the hood and front pocket now and wadded them to use as a bandage, pressing them over Bella's wound. Bella hissed in pain, closing her eyes as she laid back against the wall.

For a moment, all was silent. They could hear water trickling off the overhang to patter into the leaves and the distant sounds of gunfire.

Bella's forehead creased with worry. "Do you think-?"

"Don't think," Alice said fiercely. "You can't worry about it now, Bella, or you'll drive yourself crazy. Edward is a warrior, the oldest and the strongest. He knows how to handle situations like these and he'll keep Emmett and Jasper safe." The latter, she wasn't so sure of. She knew Edward hated Jasper and wouldn't exactly mourn his demise.

"You remembered," Bella said. "I thought that was why Rose had called us, but now I'm not so sure."

Alice lifted the makeshift bandage and peeked at the wound. "It starting to seal over now. We'll give it a few more minutes and then we can-"

"You remembered," Bella repeated.

"Bella, now isn't really the time."

"What else are we going to talk about while we're waiting? Stock futures?" Bella shifted to a more comfortable position with a wince and closed her eyes again.

Alice drew her knees up to her chest. "What do you want me to say?"

"Did you talk with Edward at all?"

"A few minutes." Alice drew a circle in the dust on the floor beside her with the tip of her finger. "There really isn't much to discuss."

Bella lifted her head and stared at Alice. "You're kidding, right?"

Alice clenched her teeth, but reminded herself that Bella was only trying to help. "There's an indisputable fact that can't be argued with, Bella. I'm not his mate. That's something we can't fix."

Bella spoke slowly. "Why would you say that?"

Alice laid her arms over her knees and dropped her head down onto them. For a moment, she hated Bella for making her say it aloud. "Isn't it obvious, Bella? He never would have been able to leave me if he was my mate, not when I needed him the most. Our kind just can't do that. The instincts are too powerful."

Bella scooted over to sit beside Alice, though careful not to crowd her. "Edward is different, Alice. He's the oldest vampire on the planet. He can do things the rest of us can't do and he's strong in ways we can't even imagine. He knew his mate wasn't safe, and the instinct to protect is even more powerful than the instinct to comfort. He could only protect you by going out and ending the rebellion once and for all."

_And yet, here we are_. Alice didn't say the words. She didn't have to. And she didn't have to hear Bella's response to know she'd say it wasn't fair of her to think that way.

"Alice, I spoke with him during that time, because you wouldn't. I know what hell he was going through, being apart from you_._" Bella laid her hand hesitantly on Alice's shoulder. "It tortured him that you wouldn't talk to him. He knew you thought he didn't care and he was desperate to talk to you."

"I couldn't." Alice had to force the words through a tightening throat.

"I know. I tried to explain. And maybe I lied a little to him when I told him he would be able to win you back when he returned. It was the only comfort I could offer him. You're right; there isn't another vampire that could have done it, could have fought off his instincts and his heart's desire to be with his mate in her time of need. But he had the strength to do what had to be done. I think his love for you gave him that strength, Alice."

Alice wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe it so badly. "But Bella, what if you're _wrong_? What if I really am not his mate and one day, he meets-" Her words broke off because she couldn't say it, couldn't even allow herself to imagine Edward with someone else.

Bella threw her hands up in exasperation. "What if he does? God, Alice, you want some sort of iron-clad guarantee, some sort of _proof_? That doesn't exist for any of us. You can never _prove_ that someone loves you. You just have to trust them, and trust what your heart says to you. Would you cast aside decades- centuries- of happiness because of what possibly, _might_, happen on some distant day?"

"It would destroy me," Alice whispered.

"And losing Emmett would destroy me," Bella said. "I have to trust he'll always love me as he does today and our passion won't turn into distance. I have to trust his eye won't someday be caught by a beautiful woman. I have to trust these things because my heart won't let me do anything else. I _must_ be with him, or else life isn't worth living. And I think you proved while Edward was gone that yours isn't worth living without him, either."

Alice gave a shuddering sob and Bella threw her arms around her. In that tiny cave, Alice wept while Bella held her, and the distant sounds of gunfire were eventually drowned out by the pouring rain.

..

* * *

><p>..<p>

When the thought of his eventual demise had fleetingly crossed his mind over the years, Edward had never pictured it being at the hands of a human, but here he lay and here was that human, bringing his shotgun barrel down to rest against Edward's forehead. It seemed to move with agonizing slowness, that barrel, in these, the last moments of his life.

_Alice_, he thought.

He'd gotten her to safety, or at least out of the line of fire. He hoped ... he prayed.

He prayed for it to the old gods and the new.

As soon as she and Bella were gone, they had headed out. Edward had fought often enough over the last five centuries with Emmett not to need verbal communication. Jasper, he didn't fully trust and he wasn't willing to follow when Jasper gestured for them to head down the hall toward the servant's staircase. Edward gave a brief shake of his head. From a tactical standpoint, it was terrible. They'd have to go down one-by-one, around a blind corner, into the kitchen, which had plenty of cover for an enemy who'd be able to pick them off like bottles on a fence rail.

Instead, he headed for the broken staircase. Wordlessly, Emmett braced his legs on the remains of the rail and swung upside-down with Jasper's shotgun in his hands to check to see if it was clear, dangling over the foyer like an overgrown bat. He nodded and slipped his legs from the rail, flipping neatly to land on the marble floor below.

"I can't jump that," Jasper murmured.

"No shit," Edward said. He grabbed the railing with one hand and Jasper's arm with the other. Before Jasper knew what was happening, Edward had swung them both down, dropping Jasper from a safe distance before landing himself. There was s short, silent argument between Emmett and Jasper over possession of the shotgun, which ended with Jasper holding the ax. Edward drew his sword. He tossed the sheath aside as they headed for the living room.

Edward listened hard, straining his ears for the sound of breath, the sound of heartbeats. They crept toward the door and as they neared the room, Edward heard it, the sound of a pounding heart. He held up a hand and Emmett fell in behind him, Jasper taking up the rear. Edward crouched and inched forward soundlessly toward that beating heart. Around the edge of the door frame and he saw him: a single man, holding a shotgun, his back to Edward as he watched the windows on the other side of the room.

Jasper had said Edward's over-confidence would get him killed, and that's exactly what happened. Edward launched himself into the room, sword raised to strike, and the windows exploded as the ambush charged in. Like an idiot, he had taken the bait, and they swarmed from all sides. They came from the garden, through the shattered window, from the conservatory, all in an instant wave. Guns roared and Edward did the only thing he could: he spun and knocked Jasper to the floor, out of the line of fire, and then darted out of the way, faster than human eyes could track, but not fast enough to avoid the sword of one of the attackers flanking him. The blade burned down his side, and Edward lashed out with his own sword, falling back toward the wall where no one could come up behind him. The vampires were faster than the humans, of course, but their sheer numbers, pouring in from all sides ...

On the other side of the room, Emmett had thrown aside a bookcase and was using it for cover while he pumped out blasts from the shotgun. Bodies fell. He saw Jasper charge up from the floor and knock down another man with a rifle, drawing his knife to plunge it down with brutal force.

_Who were these people_? Edward had time to wonder. No Helsingers, that was for sure. The Dawn Breakers Jasper had mentioned? In any case, it ceased to matter as one of them swung around and fired his shotgun point-blank into Edward's chest.

For an endless moment, Edward stood there, stunned by the indescribable pain, and then he felt himself falling back to the floor.

_This was new._ Nine thousand years of living and he'd never taken a shotgun blast directly to the chest. He would have been able to heal it, given time and blood, but for the time being, he was unable to move, his body nearly torn in half.

_Alice_, he thought.

His attacker stared down at him, his lip curled in disgust. And then he swung the barrel over to rest on Edward's forehead.

No surviving that.

_Alice, I love you._ Edward stared up at his impending death with acceptance, but with much regret.

Jasper appeared behind the man's shoulder and brought the ax down on his neck. With a choked gurgle, the man fell to his knees. Edward lunged forward and grabbed him, sinking his fangs into the man's neck on the opposite side, gulping desperately, hoping he'd be able to take enough to heal to fend off the next attack. The noise around him was a dim roar on the edges of his consciousness. He was aware of shouts, gunfire, the sounds of a brutal struggle, but the pain made everything muzzy and distant.

But no attack came. Awareness returned and Edward saw Jasper still stood there, and watched him dispassionately as Edward dropped his attacker's drained corpse. Jasper's blond hair was matted with blood and it dripped from the blade of the ax that dangled from one hand. Edward blinked at him in confusion.

"Lord Masen, do you need assistance?" He looked to his right and saw one of the new Volturi; Edward couldn't remember his name. His reeling mind couldn't think of why he was here until it dawned on him: Rose had called in the cavalry. Maybe even before the attack had come.

Edward flopped back against the floor with a groan. "Did we win?"

"Yeah, we won." Emmett's face appeared above him. He let out a low whistle. "Man, Edward, you are fucked _up_."

Edward turned his eyes back to Jasper, who still watched him silently. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Jasper nodded. He tossed the ax aside and wandered into the crowd of Volturi, who were checking the bodies for identification, something that would indicate who they were and where they were from.

For the moment, Edward didn't care. _Alice_. He had to find Alice. He tried to get to his feet and fell back again. Emmett darted forward to help him and other hands took hold of him and carried him to the sofa, hastily turned upright. But even amidst the pain, he felt a soaring sense of elation. He had survived. He would find Alice and he would convince her the mating bond went both ways. He had the rest of eternity to convince her.


End file.
